Chapter 25
The song Kate sings is above or to the side. It's by one of my favorite singers from The Voice, Danielle Bradbery. Please enjoy! [Please don't kill me at the end ;)]
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~{Chapter 25}~
"It's not going to be okay. I'm not going to be okay," I say, panicked.
I am at the event, and I am about to go on in about ten minutes. I have no idea why I am freaking out. I practiced my song and even got a decent amount of sleep. When I woke up, I was as relaxed as could be, and I was like that when I arrived at the event. Then, all of a sudden, a wave a panic came upon me.
"Kate, are you alright? You're looking pale, and you look like you can't breathe. Please tell me you're still breathing," Beth says as she comes up to me.
I look up at her. "I feel like I'm about to faint. Please tell me I'll be okay. I'm about to go insane!"
Her eyes widen. "Okay, it's going to be fine. You'll do so amazing, and you have nothing to worry about. Just relax and remember that all this is for is to honor people. They aren't going to throw anything at you."
I give her a small smile and take a deep breath. "You're right. I can totally do this. I just need to keep taking deep breaths and calm down."
I start taking deep breaths and feel my nerves settling down slightly, and Beth keeps whispering encouragements to me. I close my eyes and think about peaceful things.
"You're on in five," someone says as they walk past me, making my eyes fly open.
I look over to Beth to see if they were talking to me. She just nods her head. I nod back at her and sit for a couple of minutes before I stand up, ignoring the shaking of my legs. Beth gives me a smile and leads me to the curtains where I receive my mic.
"Kate, don't think about the people. Imagine it's just you and James. This is for him and for God. Just take a deep breath. It will all be fine," she says encouragingly.
I smile. "Thanks, Beth."
A stagehand comes next to me and asks if I am ready. I nod, and he looks over to the sound person. The person nods at me and starts a countdown. I take one more deep breath, and my racing heart seems to slow down even more than before. I walk out to the middle of the stage.
"Hello, my name is Kate Garner, and I am going to be singing I Will Never Forget You. This song is very close to my heart because it is a song for my late fiancé who was in the military. This is for all those out there who have lost a family member," I say with confidence.
I look over to the sound guy, and he starts my music. I close my eyes and start singing. I forget all about the people who are staring at me. I forget about the stress I felt just a few minutes earlier, and I do exactly as Beth said I should do; I imagine I am just singing to James and for God.
My voice becomes stronger and more confident throughout the song, and I find myself brave enough to open my eyes while I sing my high note. I open my eyes and hit the high note. It is then when I find myself staring into familiar brown eyes, except, they are not sparkling like how I remember.
I almost lose my spot in the song, so I close my eyes and sing the rest of the song, leading to a thundering applause from the crowd. I smile and open my eyes to see some women wiping away tears and other women clapping with their families.
"Thank you so much. Have a wonderful evening," I say into the mic before walking off the stage.
Beth gives me a huge hug and exclaims, "You did it! You were amazing!"
I smile. "Thank you! I don't know what I would've done without you."
I hand my mic to a stagehand and gather my things so we can go out to the event and watch more performers and talk with families. When we finally leave the backstage area, we search for Sam and Josh. Beth finds them, and I follow her to where they are sitting.
When we reach them, they both give me hugs and compliment me. I smile and thank them and sit beside them to watch the rest of the performances. The whole show is great, and I can really relate to all the songs. I guess that is the explanation for the tears rolling down my cheeks.
Beth looks over at me and gives me a comforting smile. I smile back and wipe the tears away. I clap along with everyone as the show ends while I am still wiping tears away. After the show, it is time for the lunch buffet and to visit with other families.
I am chatting with a widow who is around my age when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I finish my conversation with her and turn around to see those brown eyes I saw earlier.
"Matt," I whisper.
He gives me a small smile. "Hi."
I do not say anything. He does not say anything either. It is just one of those awkward silences that involves staring at each other, questions flowing through your minds, but you can not find a voice to speak. He looks as though he wants to disappear, and I do not really blame him.
At just the right time, Beth shows up and does not see Matt, so she asks, "Kate, where did you go? I was walking and then lost you."
I turn to her. "I was talking to to a woman."
She raises her eyebrow. "Oh, well who is..."
She sees Matt, and her eyes open up wide. Her mouth would have dropped open if she had not quickly recovered. She gives Matt a glare as though she is about to rip into him.
"Well, looks who's back," she says, with slight disgust.
Matt sighs. "Hi, Beth. Kate, could I talk with you?"
Beth rolls her eyes, and I give her a glare, ignoring her unspoken plea to not talk to him. I nod at Matt, and he leads me to the edge of the crowd. We sit down at an empty table, and he nervously plays with his hands.
"Well, you're a few hits late," I finally say, trying to make a joke that will get the conversation going.
He sighs. "No kidding. I screwed up so badly."
I press my lips together and just nod because I have no idea what to say to that. He did screw up, but I am kind of glad to see him. Maybe now I can get an explanation for everything and learn more about what happened.
"I thought you needed to talk to me?" I ask pointedly.
His brown eyes look into mine with an intense gaze. "I do, and I want to, but my words are not coming."
I sigh. "Let's start with why you're here."
"My promise."
I try not to let out a sarcastic comment and just reply with, "Like I said, you're a few hits late."
He runs his fingers through his brown hair. "Yeah, I know. I just got so caught up in the business part of it all."
"Is Harper part of that business?" I ask.
He grimaces, and I feel bad for bringing her up. Still, I want and need answers from him. He can not just go and ignore me for a year without any contact and expect me to be okay with it. Maybe I am being unfair, but I do not understand what went through his mind to ignore me like the way he did.
"She was a mistake. I got blinded," he says quietly.
"These short answers aren't doing anything. Matt, I need answers, and I'm not getting them. Do you honestly think you can disappear like that without me not wanting answers? I saw you change, and I wasn't even close to you. Why did you ignore me? Why can't you talk to me? Just talk," I tell him, upset that he has not answered any of my questions with a good quality answer.
"Fine! What do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to tell you that my manger dropped me? Do you want me to tell you that Harper and I started dating because she wanted to promote her new movie? Do you want me to tell you that I fell off the wagon, and I couldn't find a way to get back on? Do you honestly think I ignored you with no reason? I am ashamed with what I have done, and I know I've been a complete coward. Still, there was no way I was going to drag you along in the mess I had created!" he exclaims, throughly frustrated.
I have no response. All of that happened? He really was so ashamed that he could not talk to me? Should I believe him? I look up and see his eyes downcast and his shoulders slumping. I think I believe him, and I want to help him.
"Matt, I could've helped you. You're one of my dearest and closest friends. Please, don't shut down on me and think I won't listen," I tell him softly as I move my chair closer to him.
He does not look at me, but whispers, "I let everyone down. I'm a failure."
I take his hand in mine and softly squeeze it. "Matt, you may have changed and lost focus on what was important, but it doesn't mean you're a failure. All we wanted for you was to be successful and happy and doing it for a good reason. You have no idea how much we want that for you."
He looks up and gives me a small smile. "I just wish I could go back and do it all differently. I wish I could go back and do it all without hurting you."
I give him a comforting smile. "Don't worry about me."
He gives me a bigger smile. "Your hair looks great. I'm glad you ignored what I said about brunettes because you wear it well, and your singing was amazing. I had no idea you can sing."
I laugh. "I'm glad you like the hair. As for singing, I used to sing all the time, but I stopped when I didn't have any time to sing. New York City didn't give me a lot of time."
"There's a lot I don't know it sounds like," he says.
I smile at him and stand up. "Maybe. Now, do you want to get some food with me? I'm so hungry."
"Sure," he replies as he stands.
I lead the way to the buffet tables and pick up a plate when we get there. Matt follows me and does the same thing. We walk down the line without talking, but it is a strangely pleasant quiet. When we finish getting our food, I lead him to the table where I am sitting. Beth is there with Sam and Josh, and Beth raises her eyebrow when she sees Matt with me.
I set my plate down and ignore her look as I introduce Matt to the guys. "Sam. Josh. This is Matt."
They nod at him as we sit down. Beth picks up her water glass and slowly sips, still staring at us. I shake my head at her, but she does not stop. Matt shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable.
"So, Matt, do you mind if I ask you a few questions? After all, you've made my best friend worried to death. I think we need some kind of explanation," she says to him.
"Beth, I think I've already handled this," I tell her.
"It's fine, Kate. She's right," he says.
I look at him with surprise. "I thought you already told me everything I needed to know."
Beth raises her eyebrow as I turn back to face her. "I don't think he's told you everything."
"How would you know?" I ask.
"How else would he know where to find you when he came back into town? Kate, as much as I dislike him, I needed to help him. Plus, you have a few things to tell him yourself," she says.
I turn to look at Matt as he asks, "What?"
"Nothing," I say quickly. "Can we just eat in peace, please?"
Beth ignores my plea and says to Matt, "I don't know what you said to her earlier, but I suggest you tell her the whole truth."
He sighs. "I don't think that's a good idea."
I step in and ask him, "To not tell me the whole truth? You know, I always thought you were honest with me, but I don't know anymore. What are you not telling me?"
"I have always been honest with you," he says.
I roll my eyes. "Completely honest? Why can't you tell me everything?"
"I-I don't think it's a good idea," he stammers.
I am about to open my mouth again when Beth begins to stare at something behind me. Matt does too. I slowly turn around and see the last person I expected. My mouth opens as she walks up to us.
"Hello," Harper Wilson drawls with a small smile on her lips.
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