~{Chapter 15}~

The next day, I get up at eight thirty and am ready to leave the hotel by nine o'clock.

I am wearing a black knit dress with leggings and boots. I have a red scarf on and my coat. I also have flowers for James' grave. I wait in the lobby for Matt.

When I see him drive up, I hurry out to his car and slip inside. He immediately takes my hand, squeezes it gently, and lets go of it before driving off toward the cemetery.

"How are you holding up?" he asks.

I sigh. "Pretty good, I think. I'm just ready to say my goodbyes in a better position than last time. I was just too grieved to really process anything during the funeral."

"You're a brave woman," he says.

I smile. "I've never really felt like it."

"Well, I can tell you that you are truly brave."

When we drive up to the cemetery, he begins to unbuckle his seatbelt and get out, but I stop him. He looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"I need some time alone with him. Come get me if I stay there too long," I tell him quietly.

He does not question me. He just nods and sits back in his chair. I smile appreciatively and get out, leaving my purse behind. I wrap my coat around me tighter and walk slowly to his grave.

The world seems to stop as I stop in front of his grave and set the flowers down. I kneel down and trace over the letters of his name. I read his epitaph.

In loving memory of James Walker.
Son of Paul and Alexandra Walker.
Fiancé of Catherine Garner.
He was loved and respected by many. He fought for his country bravely and sacrificed much. He will always be remembered as a brave, kind, compassionate man.

Born: ----  Died: ----

I smile. I had picked his epitaph out, but I never remembered what it said. The words described him perfectly.

"Oh James," I start, "This has been one crazy year. I've missed you more than you'll ever know. The first few months were so hard. I was an emotional mess. At times, I feel like I still am. I forgot you wouldn't want me to live in depression for the rest of my life. You know who helped? Beth and a new friend of mine, Matt. My boss' sister-in-law also helped me. I know it's not my fault. I blamed myself for so long, until I realized there was nothing I could have done. I love you s-so..."

I can not say anymore because of my tears. I continue to stare at his gravestone. I read the epitaph over and over. He was such a good man. Would it be possible for me to ever find love again? I had been counting on forever with James, and my dreams were shattered. If I opened myself up again, would I find my dream being shattered once again?

"Hey," a quiet voice asks as I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I look up and see Matt standing beside me. I sit down on my knees and gesture for him to sit next to me. He sits down and takes my hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly.

I look at the gravestone and say, "This is Matt, James. He was the one I was telling you about. He helped me, and he's still helping me."

Matt scoots closer to me and lets me lean my head on his shoulder. I keep letting the tears fall. Matt just sits there and waits. I know he wants more from me, but I am not ready to give it to him. He is the only one who could understand that I am not ready, and I really appreciate that he has not pushed it.

My tears finally slow down, and I speak again. "I miss you James. I will always miss you, but I now have good friends who can help me. You left me with a lot of pain and baggage. It's funny how life works. You met me when I had so much baggage and pain, and you left me with the same things."

Matt speaks. "We'll help you through it."

I smile and stand up. "Well, James you heard it. I'm going to get through it. I loved you, and I still love you. Our love can't be broken. Thank you for giving me two things that won't ever leave me-- God and your love."

Matt smiles at my words and guides me back to his car. Once I am inside, Matt turns to me.

"You alright?" he asks.

I smile. "You know, for the first time in a long time, I can truthfully say I am. It's been so tough, but I'm thankful I have some amazing friends who will continue to help me out."

He seems satisfied with my answer, so he starts the car and drives me back to my hotel. We arrive at the hotel, and he leads me to the hotel's restaurant.

"So," he starts after we were seated, "Tell me what James was like."

I smile. "Are you sure?"

He smiles back. "It seems fitting for you to talk about him. He seems like he was a great guy who really cared about you."

"He was all that and more. He was basically the first person who actually cared about me and my well-being. I remember meeting him like it was yesterday," I tell Matt.

Matt crosses his arms on the table and looks at me with genuine interest. "How did y'all meet?"

I laugh. "I was stealing money from his mom."

Matt laughs. "Seriously?"

I nod. "I was a homeless teen who needed to survive without having to he put in a foster care system again. I remember James somehow getting me to give him back the money. That was just the beginning."

"When did y'all start dating?"

"Not until I graduated."

Matt's face goes from just interested to interested and shocked. "Really? I thought y'all would have probably dated way before them."

I laugh. "I wanted to, but he had those core values that I didn't understand at the time. Looking back, his reasoning made a lot of sense. Anyway, don't you have to be somewhere soon?"

He looks down at his watch. "I still have a little bit of time. Am I making you uncomfortable or upset?"

"No! No, I'm just worried you'll be late."

"I'm the star, they can wait, even though I'm not late," he says jokingly.

"I'm sure that's it," I say as I roll my eyes.

He laughs. "I sense sarcasm."

"Do you ever not sense sarcasm from me?" I ask sarcastically.

"Never," he says with a smile.

I smile back and stand to get up. "Well, this has been a really great lunch, but I have to start packing my things and you have to get to work."

He stands up and gives me a hug. "Thanks for talking to me about him. He seems like he was a great guy."

I pull back and look at him. "Thanks for listening."

"Anytime. I'll see you before you leave."

"Okay."

I wave goodbye and hurry up to my room. When I get in my room, I walk over to the window and stare out at the bustling city that seems to be too busy to notice the beauty all around it.

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity, God," I whisper.

I stand at the window for a few minutes before walking over to my suitcase. I put it on my bed and start gathering all my things. I turn the TV on and flip to an afternoon entertainment channel. I watch while I pack.

I am zoning out the TV when I hear Matt's familiar voice. I quickly look at the TV and see him on the screen. I turn up the sound and sit down to listen and watch.

He is being interviewed about his new album he is working on, and the hosts are grilling him on his love life.

He laughs after one of them says he has to have a girlfriend. "I promise I don't."

"Why not?" one of the other hosts asks.

"Well, I'm focusing on my career right now, and I just don't see the need to have one at this moment in time," he says.

"Do you have anyone in mind for the future?" one of them asks.

He blushes slightly and slyly says, "I guess everyone will have to wait and see."

The hosts laugh and go back to talking about his career. "Is this all surreal for you, and who do you depend on to keep you grounded?"

He smiles. "It is pretty surreal. I count myself very fortunate. Not many people had the same opportunities I had, and I keep that in the back of my mind. Who keeps me grounded? My answer is the typical answer; my family keeps me grounded."

"Yes, it is the typical answer, but you must have someone in particular who helps you see how fortunate you are."

He thinks for a second before answering with, "My dad and mom really remind me how special this opportunity is, but I recently found a friend in someone special. She has shown me how fortunate I am. She hasn't had the easiest life, but she continues to trust God and show me what real courage and faith looks like."

I smile at his answer as a host asks, "She?"

He smiles. "Yes. She is a very special friend of mine. At this moment in time, she's just a friend."

I laugh at him emphasizing on the word 'friend' and turn the TV off. I finish packing and a few minutes later, see a message on my phone from Matt.

Dinner?

I smile and text him back.

Sure. What time? Btw: I just saw you on TV.

I set my phone down on the bed and finish folding my clothes. My phone dings.

Oh dear ;) 7:00?

I tell him I can make it, and he tells me he will pick me up. I finish packing for my flight home and get ready for dinner.

I look at my two options and pick out one of my new dresses. It is a blue dress with a black lace overlay that reaches just above my knees. It has a sheer netting on the top that is also made out of the black lace. I slip the dress on and style my hair before I do my minimal amount of makeup.

Knock. Knock.

I hurry out of the bathroom and grab my purse and coat, slipping the coat on quickly. I open the door to a smiling Matt.

"Hi," he says.

I smile. "Hey."

"I was going to get you flowers, but I decided not to because you wouldn't have anywhere to put them."

I laugh as I walk beside him to the elevators. "It's fine."

We stand in comfortable silence while in the elevator. He slips on his sunglasses and a new hat. I smile when someone else gets in the elevator, making Matt tense up.

As we step out of the elevator, I ask teasingly, "You okay?"

He does not answer me until we're in his car. "I sense you teasing me in that statement."

I fake a gasp and sarcastically say, "No, really?"

He laughs and holds the car door open for me. I get in and wait for him to come around so I can ask him a question.

As soon as he settles in and drives away from the hotel, I ask, "How do you manage to go out without people recognizing you? You're only wearing sunglasses and a hat."

He takes both items off and says, "I'm not the most well-known celebrity. Only a handful of people enjoy my music."

I roll my eyes. "You're just being modest."

He laughs. "I'm being serious. I still haven't had a big hit yet."

"Key word in there; yet. I know you'll have one," I say.

He smiles and squeezes my hand. "Thanks."

We sit in comfortable silence the rest of the way, and we have a very enjoyable dinner. He drops me off at the hotel, promising to take me to the airport tomorrow. I go up to my room and lay down on my bed and smile at how far our friendship has come in the last couple of days.

How did I become so lucky?

______________________
My stupidity was real. Alright, so I wanted this book to go over a course of quite awhile, but I picked James and Kate's song to be a song from too recent, meaning his death was not in the year I wanted it to be, and his birth is off...

If I had done the book based on the song's date, we would have found ourselves in the future... Anyway, I would just like to let y'all know that for the rest of the book... Imagine any year you want :)

Thanks for reading! Much love <3