~{Chapter 12}~

He was gone. The day after Matt asked me out, I learned he had left. It hurt. It hurt that he had left without telling me, and it hurt that he was making it seem like my response had ruined our friendship. His friendship meant a lot to me. To have him decide it wasn't worth it, makes me extremely upset. He did what I didn't want him to do.

"Kate?" Beth asks as she sits down across from me in my office.

I rub my temples, trying to make my headache go away. "Yes?"

"You okay?"

I shake my head. "No. I asked him to not let what happened ruin our friendship. He didn't listen."

She sighs. "Kate, have you ever been rejected?"

"All the time."

"I mean by someone you care about and someone who really knows you."

"What are you getting at?"

"Matt cares about you. Whether or not you care about him romantically, it doesn't change the fact that you haven't told him what happened and why you have a ring on your left hand. He's probably imagining the worst. He deserves to know so he doesn't have to go through the torment of thinking you're bound to someone else."

"How did you get to be so smart?"

"I'm living part of it," she replies sadly.

"I'm so sorry! I'm the worst friend!"

"What?" she cluelessly asks.

"I've been so wrapped up with all of my problems, that I forgot about how much pain you must be in."

She smiles one of her brave smiles. "Kate, you've had a lot on your plate ever since you've moved here. Don't feel bad. I'm getting better, and it's nice to have work taking over my thoughts; it's a good distraction."

I stand up and walk over to give her a hug. "I promise I'll get better at paying more attention."

"Thanks, Kate. Your friendship means so much to me."

I smile and let go of her so she can stand up. She gives me one more hug before turning to leave.

She turns around one last time to say, "Don't forget what I said. He needs to know."

I sigh. She's right, but it's not that simple. Who goes up to someone and randomly says, "Guess what? I was engaged and then my fiancé died; that's the reason why I can't date you."

I groan as I pull up a book to edit. "If only it were that I easy," I mumble.

All throughout the end of October and the month of November, I try to find a reason to call Matt. I try to figure out something I can say to him. Sadly, Thanksgiving comes and goes without me calling him or having any contact with him. Then again, his face was plastered all over magazines, so it was a little hard to escape him.

December comes with a frenzy of activity. A book has to be published, and I have to prepare for my first Christmas without James. Then, I get a call from Mr. Parker, saying he wants to come into town for a few days with his wife. I love having Mr. Parker as my boss, but I always feel pressure when he's around.

I pick up my laptop and purse. As I walk out, I tell the receptionist I'm going out for lunch. I walk down the sidewalk to Bella's Steakhouse. I'm seated quickly, allowing me to open up my laptop and go to Wattpad. I recently found a really good author.

"Kate?" a slightly familiar voice asks.

"Mr. Parker! I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow," I say when I see him standing in front of my table.

"We decided to come a little early," he gestures to a beautiful middle-aged woman behind him.

I stand up and shake his hand. "It's good to see you sir."

He lets go of my hand and introduces the woman. "This is my wife, Olivia."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I tell her.

She gives me a soft smile. "I've heard a lot about you from my husband and son."

I tense slightly at her mentioning Matt, but I quickly recover. "Will you join me for lunch?"

"Thank you for the offer, Kate, but I think we'll let you get back to work. I'll stop by the office later," Mr. Parker replies.

I smile. "Have a nice lunch!"

They both smile at me before moving on to their table. I take a deep breath once I sit down at my table. I go back to my laptop as I wait for my food. Before long, my food comes, and I quickly eat before closing my laptop and leaving the restaurant. I hurry out the door and down the street to the office.

I burst through the doors and say, "Mr. Parker came early. He's stopping by later, so be prepared."

Everyone's heads turn to me and then back to their work. I sigh and hurry to my office. Beth follows me and closes the door behind her.

"Why?! Why did he have to come this early?!" I say in a panicky voice.

"Take a deep breath, Kate."

"Easy for you to say! You're not the one whose career depends on this."

"Kate, he's a nice man and boss from what I've heard. Quit panicking. If he fires you or is upset with you, he's blind. When he last left, there were only two workers here. Now, there are way more. It has come a long way, and he'll know that you've been working hard," Beth explains.

I take a deep breath and smile. "You're right."

"Of course I am," she smiles, "When am I ever wrong?"

I laugh and feel the stress leaving. "I'll be calm."

She opens the door to leave. "I know you'll be fine."

I smile at her encouraging words. I start editing a book to distract myself. It distracts me so well that I don't even notice Mr. Parker walking into the building with a look of amazement.

When I do realize he had arrived, I quickly stand up and go out to the foyer to greet him. He gives me a hug before following me to my office.

"Kate, this is impressive. You've done a great job," he says as I close the door.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you! I've recently been getting reports that I've gotten around ten new authors just from this branch. I'll be honest with you. I didn't expect this branch to do so well, but I realize I underestimated you. You should be proud."

I smile at his words. "You have no idea how much your words mean."

He smiles. "I have a question for you that doesn't have anything to do with work."

I sit down in my chair. "What's that?"

He sits down across from me. "What happened between you and my son? Ever since he came back to the city, he's been more and more interested in just his work. He seems to be shutting something or someone out."

I bite my lip. "Is it that bad?"

"Kate, you didn't answer my question."

I take a deep breath. "He asked me to go on a date with him, and I said no."

His facial expression is hard to read, but he says, "I'm sorry, Kate. Did he know?"

"That's the thing; I never told him. Now, I wish I had. I think he thinks I've been leading him on this whole time."

Mr. Parker gives me a small smile. "It's not too late to talk to him. If you tell him, I'm sure he'll be fine. Right now, I just think he's confused."

I twirl my engagement ring. "How? I don't think he'll want to talk to me."

"Your fiancé's death date is coming up, though, isn't it?"

I smile a sad smile. "Yes, it is."

"I'm not saying this will help, but I think you should go back to New York City for that day."

"I can't leave the office."

He gives me a fatherly look. "The office will be fine, especially if I'm here. Go. You need the trip."

"I don't know."

"Kate, you need this trip. You need to do something to remember him by."

"I guess you're right. Thank you, Mr. Parker."

"Of course. Good job."

~-~-~-~
"What are you going to do for Christmas?" Beth asks me on Saturday at the small restaurant where we were eating.

It was Wednesday when Mr. Parker came in, and he had been coming to the office every day. Luckily, I wasn't stressed out anymore. His presence was kind of comforting.

"I'm not sure. You're going to go visit your family, right?" I ask her.

"Yeah. I wish you could come."

"Thanks, but I think it might be nice to be here for the holidays. I'll want to get relaxed a little bit before going to New York City."

"I can't believe you're going. Are you ready?"

I sigh. "I'm not really sure. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but it still isn't easy for me to tell people or talk about it."

She gives me a comforting smile. "I think it'll be good for you. I think you need a bit of closure. He wouldn't want you to keep yourself from loving again. You need to bring some joy back into your life."

"I have joy."

"Not the kind you used to have. Kate, I'm telling you this as your best friend. You need to release all your emotions when you go. You need to get to a good place so you can move on. I know you guys adored each other, but he would want the best for you. He wouldn't want you to mourn for him all your life. I know you've seemed to be fine, but I know you well. You're not over it. I know it has just been a year, but I think it's time you examine what you're really feeling."

I sigh. "Why do you have to be right?"

She laughs. "As your best friend, I'm supposed to be. Now, I've got to get going, but I'll see you later."

I stand up as she stands up and give her a hug. "Thank you."

"Anytime," she says before leaving.

I sit back down and stare out the window. I wish Beth hadn't said all of that. She was right about me needing closure. I had basically run from New York City without saying goodbye to James properly. Part of me is excited for this trip, but another part of me is scared at what will happen.

This trip was going to signify a milestone. Despite all the pain and meltdowns, the trip would show I had survived a year without James. It would show I was strong. It would allow me to say goodbye in a calmer state of mind.

I sigh and stand up to leave. On my drive back home, I continue to contemplate the trip. Was I really ready to stare at his gravestone? Was I really ready for this? I mindlessly drive up to my house and go inside. I sit down and turn on the TV, not paying attention to anything on the screen.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. I hate the way I think because I always end up second guessing my decisions. I really want to go, but there is part of me telling me not to go.

"Stop! Just stop!" I yell into the air.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes to try to relax. I begin to doze off.

Ring, ring!

I ignore my phone, but it rings again a couple minutes later.

"Hello?" I say quietly.

"Hey, Kate."

My eyes open wide, and I have to hide my surprise. "Josh?"

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Cliff hanger! Lol... I love doing this.

Anyway, thanks so much for all the views! It means so much! I have a challenge for all my readers.

I want to have 2k reads by Thanksgiving or Christmas. Y'all decide. I also want to have fifteen votes on this chapter! My ghost readers, please don't be ghost readers anymore.

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Again, thanks so much for reading!