The dawn of the choosing ceremony was exactly like any other.

The sun rose. The early morning rays stretched down the streets of the City lazily, curling around the carved starstone curves. The canals glimmered. The skyshrines gleamed. The sky went from black to purple to orange to blue, painting the clouds with colour and shadows.

It was pretty, but it always was. There was absolutely nothing magical about it, and Olivia knew, because she'd watched all of it from her bed.

She'd spent hours sitting on the balcony last night, hoping for some kind of answer. She kept staring back at the silent stars, waiting for at least a confirmation that they knew she existed. Thinking that maybe, if she just sat there long enough, long after everyone else had fallen asleep, they'd realise just how much she'd meant those words last night.

Choose me.

Of course, the only thing she caught from sitting outside for so long was a chill, so eventually she'd wandered back inside. Yet even laying on her bed, she hadn't been able to look away, to give up that small, stupid hope that they'd seen her. She'd pulled back the curtains and continued to stare, blearily drifting in and out of a fitful sleep.

Even now, Olivia continued to stare from under her covers as the sun climbed the sky, just like it always did.

She'd been looking forward to this day for months. The day she finally had her own name--a name that she'd chosen, not one that was decided by her mother's name.

Now, she wasn't sure she could be bothered even getting out of bed.

Ignored. Forgettable.

Olivia turned her back on the window, pulled the blankets over her head, and went back to sleep.

*+*+*+*

Jason had been up since the sun rose over the horizon and graced the City with its light.

He arose from bed, straightening his bedsheets with his usual efficiency. With that done, he turned in Skypillar's direction and bowed, murmuring his usual greeting. He then changed into the outfit his mother had selected as appropriate with a minor adjustment, ensured his hair was presentable, and headed downstairs with his violin case firmly grasped in both hands.

He wasn't quite sure his mother had slept, but her robe, hair, and makeup were immaculate as always. She saw him as he came downstairs, glancing him over.

"Change your shirt," she snapped. "I told you the grey one last night."

Jason inclined his head, stomach tight. "I thought the green might be appropriate, given that I will choose Poisonsong as my name."

Aurelia clucked her tongue, her eyes narrowing. "Then I suppose the green is acceptable."

She turned away without further comment, going back to her notes. Jason had expected as much. Settling on his chosen name wasn't a decision worthy of praise or note. Given that it'd taken him this long, he took her continued silence on the matter as a reprimand.

"Practice your song list until we're prepared to leave," said Aurelia. "I expect nothing short of perfection."

"Yes, mother," replied Jason, and began.

*+*+*+*

Despite her best efforts to become one with her bed, Olivia ended up at the temple.

She'd imagined this moment a million different ways. The first time she'd really been on temple grounds for an event was supposed to be something amazing. She was supposed to be awed at the golden starstone, to run her fingers over the intricate carvings that covered every wall and archway. She had been, four years ago when she'd attended her sister's choosing ceremony. She'd imagined staying through the day until night stole over, until the starstone glowed and the auroras began to hum through the skies.

But it all just felt... heavy. It felt like the temple's elegance was taunting her, like it was saying Look at how perfect we are. How could you ever expect to be one of us, let alone a Luminary?

She couldn't bring herself to look at it.

Eyes down, Olivia followed her parents through the halls, trading messages with Ericka on her Liaiser. They occasionally asked for directions, just to make sure they were still heading the right direction.

Like we could possibly be heading the wrong way, thought Olivia, side eyeing every other family with an excited looking teenager heading the same direction at a much quicker pace. Can't go too fast, poor little Olive might faint.

The buildings felt like they went on forever, until Olivia finally gave up sulking and looked up just for something to do.

The corridors really were endless. The courtyard outside stretched far, like some kind of eternally flat, golden ocean. Olivia's interest particularly caught on the Speakers that they passed. She'd seen them before--it wasn't like you could live in this City and not see Speakers--but there was something else about seeing them in the temple, wandering the courtyards outside. Their robes seemed to glow--well, not glow, that'd be really excessive, but... Olivia didn't have the word for it. They didn't bounce, they didn't float, but there was something else about them that she couldn't quite figure out.

Maybe they just know where they belong, muttered the sulking part of her brain.

Shut up, she replied to it. You can't even stay conscious an entire day, you're not allowed an opinion.

Eventually, they reached an archway with a Speaker in a robe of grey, black, and crimson standing by it.

"Are you here for the choosing ceremony?" asked the Speaker. There was a pleasant smile on her face. Her hair was swept up into a perfect bun with no hair out of place. She gestured an arm to the side with a sleeve that really made an emphasis of the movement. Almost like smoke, rising from a fire. "You'll find the others gathering outside."

"Thank you, Speaker," replied Olivia's dad.

The Speaker inclined her head, then met Olivia's eyes as she said, "May Skypillar be with you upon this day, child. Embrace the feeling you know to be in your heart, no matter what truth you find there. Do not be scared of it."

"Will do," said Olivia, attempting a polite smile in return before her parents ushered her outside.

She swore she could still feel the Speaker's eyes on her as she walked away.

*+*+*+*

Jason had been asked to attend to the main gathering in the outer courtyard.

As such, he had spent the last while answering queries and soothing anxieties from parents and teenagers alike. He remained patient and respectful, ensuring he was thorough with every person who approached him.

Regan remained by his side. He played the perfect, supportive brother, easily picking up the conversation when the questions ran out and transitioned to small talk. Jason couldn't help the stab of envy with how his brother won the civilians over so easily. Regan charmed everyone he spoke to, breaking them into genuine smiles and laughs within a few sentences, while Jason's replies were met with a stiff, polite thanks and little else.

And the more Jason thought about it, the more anxious he became.

He started stumbling over his well-rehearsed replies. He struggled to correct himself with Regan's attention so blatantly obvious. When he became flustered in his answer to a parent that they began to reassure him, Jason's throat all but closed up.

It was Regan who saved him.

"I apologise," said Regan, sliding into the conversation without a hint of hesitation. "My brother has had a long day and it's not even half over yet. What he means to say is that after choosing their name before Skypillar, you'll be directed to the building over there, where a government official will officially register your chosen name."

The parent said something. Regan laughed in reply and made some comment to crack the awkward mood. Though Jason pretended to be engaged in the conversation, he barely heard any of it as his thoughts screamed inside his head.

One day. He only had to be perfect for one day and he couldn't even manage that. He wasn't even halfway through, and he was floundering. He was failing his family, failing himself. There was no way his mother was going to continue accepting his incompetence, especially if he embarrassed her in front of a potential Banshee.

Jason scrabbled for something, anything to stop him from drowning. He tried to latch onto the words being spoken but they slipped away, too thin and false to hold him up for long. Faces, expressions--no. They passed over him with little more than a glance before they went back to Regan, oblivious to it all, which was likely for the best.

He had to save himself. Claw his way back to the surface. He forced himself to take a breath, to drag it in through his nose before releasing it through his mouth.

That was when he heard it.

Music.

It was faint, like it was being played a fair distance away, but it was there. For him to be able to hear it, it'd have to be sourced on temple grounds. Jason couldn't recall any performances scheduled this early, and nor did he recognise the melody though it sounded familiar. The instrument, too, he couldn't quite pick.

He glanced around, searching the ever-growing crowd for the source of the music, yet found nothing.

"What name will you be choosing?"

Jason turned his attention back, realising the teenager of the parents Regan was still conversing with had addressed him. The music had faded, but its echo still lingered in his ears, cooling the rising panic.

"Poisonsong," replied Jason.

The teenager broke out into a grin. "No way, same here! I was tossing up between Stone and Poison for weeks, but I eventually decided on Poison."

Jason managed a polite smile. "You sound confident, what influenced your decision?"

"Well, I realised that life is about how we deal with obstacles and overcome them, right?" said the teenager. "We can either just give up and let them overwhelm us, or we can fight. It's about being strong and facing down whatever comes our way. That sounds like something I can get behind. What about you?"

Jason hesitated, realising he didn't have a satisfactory answer. "...For similar reasons, I suppose."

"Nice," said the teenager. He tilted his chin up with a conspiratorial smile. "Though I suppose I should have expected that kind of reasoning from you. You were the one involved with the Manifested the other day, right? Helping out that other civilian--it takes real guts to tackle a problem head on like that." He dropped his voice to a loud whisper. "You're kind of a hero at the moment."

Regan's eyes flicked to Jason.

"I did my duty," replied Jason, attempting to keep his voice from being a mumble. "The Luminaries were the true heroes."

The teenager just hesitated, raising his eyebrows in reply when he realised Jason wasn't about to say any more. After an awkward moment longer, Regan finished his conversation with the parents and sent them on their way towards the main gathering.

After they were out of earshot, Regan leaned in close, placing his hand on Jason's shoulder.

"You're lucky I was here," Regan muttered, firmly patting Jason's shoulder. "You've answered the same question like ten times today, yet now you decide to start screwing it up? It's not hard, Jason."

The truth of it hit Jason in the stomach. "I apologise."

"Like that means anything," said Regan, removing his hand after a final squeeze.

"Did you recognise the music before?" Jason asked before he could stop himself. "I thought the melody was familiar, however--"

Regan drew in a long suffering sigh and rolled his eyes. "Is that what you're distracted by? Haven't heard any music today except your 'practice' early this morning while I was trying to sleep." Regan looked away as another family approached. "Go join the rest of the crowd before you screw up something else here."

With that, Regan turned his back on Jason and greeted the family.

Understanding that any further attempt to help would likely ruin things further, Jason followed his brothers advice and alone, he joined the crowd of families eagerly awaiting for the choosing ceremony to begin.

*+*+*+*

After a few back and forth messages, Olivia eventually found Ericka--or rather, Ericka found Olivia, because Olivia's parents had decided they weren't going any further into the crowd than they absolutely had to.

Olivia didn't ask why, but she knew the answer would be something along the lines of, what if you have a seizure, you'll get trampled!

Like she was some kind of doormat.

Maybe I am a doormat, she thought. They'll just stick me in front of house of the restaurant for the rest of the day for people to glance at, be greeted by, then promptly forget about for the rest of their lives.

"Liiiiiiiiiv!" squealed Ericka, nearly knocking both of them over as she charged in for a hug. "I didn't think you were gonna make it!"

Olivia squeezed Ericka back with just as much energy, hoping it'd reduce the urge she had to stab something. "Oh we made it, just y'no, taking it slow."

Ericka stepped away, her eyes flicking to Olivia's parents for a brief second too long. Ericka's mum looked as tired as she always did, bundled up in an extra coat with dark rings under her eyes.

Ericka leaned in close to Olivia. "Is Heather coming today?"

"No," said Olivia, folding her arms tight against her chest. "I don't think my parents even asked, and today was already going to be painful enough without that whole situation dragged into it."

"Fair," said Ericka. She broke out into a grin. "Means I get you aaaaaaaaall to myself!"

Olivia punched Ericka in the arm. "Stuck with me no matter what!"

Ericka smirked. "Y'no, from the way you were going on about it, I thought your parents might literally have a collar on you."

Olivia's mood came back in one crashing heap. "Thanks, Rikky. Real way to get the sympathy going there."

"Look, I'm just saying, it could be worse!" said Ericka. "They let you come here today, didn't they?"

"Yeah, because if they didn't, they'd literally have the temple and the government on their asses asking where I was."

"At least they aren't making you hold their hand again this time."

"Shut up."

Olivia was saved from further teasing as a Speaker in a particularly fancy robe began the ceremony.

They started with a simple explanation, going over the process that Olivia had already been told about eight million times. All sixteen year olds to the front, parents to the back. A Speaker would come up and lead you to the water. You walked in, got your legs wet up to your knees, said the words to pick your name and then you'd be dragged off somewhere for a government official to register you.

Olivia took off her shoes as the Speaker rambled on up the front, passing them back to her parents with half a glance. Beside her, Ericka was grabbing her arm and repeating everything the Speaker said in a high-pitched squeak. She seemed too excited to realise that Olivia had completely tuned out.

When the Speaker finished, it began. The teenagers moved forward, the rest of the families moved back. Olivia made an attempt to move further forward, but all the other sixteen year olds had the same idea. No one wanted to be at the back of the crowd, and so, Olivia remained more or less where she was with her parents still lurking over her shoulder.

She did her best to pretend they weren't there, to stand up straight and not freak out as the Speakers began coming forward to lead the teens at the front of the group to the water. This was supposed to be her day, after all. No seizure, no overbearing parents, no nothing was going to take that away from her.

Olivia was going to march right up to that water, choose her name, and become her own damn person for the first time in her life no matter who or what she had to get past to get it.

Olivia held onto that thought, letting it keep her strong as the crowd of teens grew thinner and thinner. One by one, the sixteen year olds around her were approached by a Speaker, led to the water, and chose their names.

*+*+*+*

Jason watched the ceremony begin as it always did.

The High Poisonspeaker was the one to address the crowd, which Jason attempted to see as a good sign for his intended name. Jason kept his attention forward, double checking every word, every procedure within his mind. Everything appeared in order as he'd expected it. With no family to hold them, his shoes remained firmly grasped in his hand.

One at a time, the Speakers approached those in the crowd, leading them to the waters where they would stand before Skypillar and choose their name.

And Jason suddenly found himself terrified of the moment they would reach for him.

His thoughts kept going back to the teenager who intended to choose Poisonsong. There'd been such conviction in his words, like he truly believed in his reasons for selecting it. Jason had thought he'd settled on a name, yet when the teen had asked for his own reasoning, he hadn't had an answer. He'd hesitated.

Yet, no matter how he scanned through his memory, how he searched for another, appropriately fitting Aspect to ask a blessing of, Jason found none that met him with that same conviction, that absolute resolve that the teen had found in his. He should have been certain beyond any doubt. It was an easy bet that Jason had more education, more experience with the temple's teachings than a random teenager, and it meant nothing. Nothing.

"Jason?"

Jason glanced towards the familiar voice. He inclined his head. "Lucian."

"I thought your mother would have wanted you at the front of the crowd," said Lucian with a sideways glance.

She had, but Jason wasn't about to admit that he'd disobeyed her and embarrassed her further. He'd got as close to the front as he could, standing at one of the edges. "I had greeting duties to attend to, and it would not have been proper to push my way to the front of the group."

"Duties before, duties after," mused Lucian, sliding his hands into his pockets. "You're certainly busy today, aren't you?" When Jason didn't reply, Lucian turned his gaze ahead to the crowd. "Have you decided on a name yet, or is that why you appear frazzled?"

Mentally, Jason cursed himself for not having better control over his features. "I thought I had."

"Thought you had?" asked Lucian.

Jason paused. He knew what his mother would say--display confidence above all else--yet Jason found himself lacking the will to even do that in front of Lucian.

"How did you settle on which name you wish to choose?" asked Jason quietly.

"I figured it out when I wasn't trying to," said Lucian with a small shrug. "I was going for my nightly run, and I heard Golem's rumbling elsewhere. It just got... stuck in my head, I guess. I could hear the name every time my feet hit the ground. Stone-pil-lar. Stone-pil-lar. After that, I couldn't shake it. It felt right." He managed a small laugh. "I didn't quite believe the Speakers when they told me I'd feel it. Maybe it's because they've all been talking about it, but I really do just feel it."

"I see," said Jason.

Lucian gave him a smile, though Jason's gaze remained on the mountain before them. "Just don't think about it too hard, Jason. You'll know what it is when you stand before Skypillar. There's no way you won't."

It wasn't long before a Speaker came over and led Lucian to the water, like they could sense his confidence a mile away.

Lucian glanced back over his shoulder, giving Jason one, final grin of encouragement.

You'll know when you stand before Skypillar. There's no way that you won't.

I couldn't shake it. It felt right.

Jason just wasn't sure how he was supposed to know when he struggled to feel anything at all.

*+*+*+*

Olivia's turn came.

She wasn't quite at the front of the group yet, but somehow, she knew it was her turn. A Speaker in Harpy's colours finished with their previous teen and turned back towards the crowd. Their eyes landed on Olivia, who held their gaze with that straight-backed steel down her core, right up until the moment that they reached through the remaining crowd of teenagers and gestured her forward.

"Come, child," said the Furyspeaker.

Fate, something was whispering. This is fate--no, destiny. First Harpy, now a Furyspeaker.

Olivia's chest swelled. She reached out to take the Furyspeaker's hand.

And then someone behind her grabbed her hand instead.

"My apologies, Speaker," said her mother's voice. "A moment, if I may?"

A strange, unfamiliar burning settled in Olivia's cheeks.

She hadn't realised how close they were--hadn't realised that as she'd got closer to the water, the front of the family crowd had, too.

The Furyspeaker's gaze lifted off Olivia, to her parents behind her. "Is there a problem?"

"She has seizures," her mother continued quickly. "Maybe it'd be okay if she just only went a few steps into the water? Or at least if you just stayed close to her--or I could go in with her if it's no trouble. She's blacked out before from cold, and I just want to be sure."

"I understand," replied the Speaker. "I will ensure her safety. You may remain here."

The Furyspeaker took Olivia's hand and led her forward through the whispering, staring crowd.

The fire in Olivia's face had spread, shooting down her arms and coiling in her chest as it scorched every thought she had. Everyone was staring at her. The girl whose parents had stopped the Speaker. The girl whose parents thought she needed to be babysat as she walked into the water to choose her name. Breakable. Fragile. Useless.

They reached the water. The Furyspeaker said something about only going in up to her ankles, but Olivia wasn't listening. She marched into the water, barely feeling the cold as it lapped against her ankles, then her knees, stopping only when it reached her waist because she couldn't go any further without swimming.

She fixed her eyes on that starlight-dimmed mountain ahead of her and glared at it for daring to just stand there like nothing was different, like nothing had changed. Like this feeling inside her chest wasn't about to explode in a scream that could rip the world in two

Fury wasn't right. What she felt went way beyond simple fury.

Fury was too clean. It was too easy, too bright. It didn't know the dark, shame-filled corners of her mind. The torn and shredded parts of her that withered a little more with each seizure she had, dragging her further down into those thoughts--the thoughts that hated herself, the thoughts that made her want to stop existing.

And Skypillar just kept standing there.

Nothing changed. Nothing moved. It couldn't care less that she stood here, burning from the inside out. She lived in its shadow, just like she lived in everyones shadow. With her seizures, she was a doormat. Doomed to live a life in one spot, safe and secure to the benefit of everyone else. No one cared if a house had a doormat. It didn't change anything.

That's all she was. Ignored and forgotten and useless to the larger picture.

No.

The word echoed through her.

Olivia drew in a long, deep breath and repeated the thought, louder this time.

No.

She lived in everyone's shadows? Fine. If she was going to be trapped in the shadows for the rest of her life, she was going to embrace the damned shadows entirely. She'd find her own freedom. No one was going to trap her or break her--not her parents, not this City, and certainly not her own damned body.

There was a ringing in her ears that drowned out the rest of the world. There was faint music in the distance, but Olivia was too busy glaring at the mountain in front of her.

Maybe Banshee was supposed to be about balance, but right now, all Olivia could focus on was how permanent the shadows were. No matter what you did, you couldn't get rid of shadows. They were there. They endured, and they were everywhere. People tried to get rid of them with light, to control them and shove them into the corners, but every single night those same shadows came back and thrived.

She was more than her seizures.

She was more than her singing.

Olivia swallowed down her doubts.

"Shadowheart!" she demanded, daring the mountain in front of her to say anything different.

"Speak the words," murmured the Speaker behind her.

Like her decision had settled the fire consuming her, Olivia retreated a step, recalling the words she'd been over a few hundred times in the last two weeks.

"I, Olivia, ask the Shadow of Skypillar for the Blessing of heart."

She felt a hand rest atop her head.

"Olivia Shadowheart," replied the Speaker. "May Skypillar's blessings be with you."

*+*+*+*

Jason's turn came far too quickly.

He lingered at the edge of the ever-thinning crowd of teenagers, both trying to appear present while buying himself as much time as possible. He avoided the gaze of the Speakers that approached his area, fixing his eyes firmly atop Skypillar's peak. The Speakers didn't reach for him, likely seeing his hesitation for what it was.

He knew he should have been meeting their eyes. He knew he should have been standing there, straight backed with his chin up and his shoulders square, but he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to move, to speak, to acknowledge this growing doubt in his stomach that was eating him alive.

He was a Speaker's son. He was supposed to know. He wasn't supposed to be the one who was having doubts about his chosen name. He was supposed to be the confident one, the one who others looked to for guidance--and he was absolutely falling apart.

Eventually, not even Skypillar could save him as a Speaker approached him and reached for his hand.

And not just any Speaker.

It was his mother.

Aurelia reached for Jason's hand. He knew better than to ignore her.

He took her hand, and she began to lead him to the water, drawing him close to her side.

"What did we discuss, Jason?" she murmured, low enough that Jason could barely hear her. "Front of the crowd. Eyes up. It wasn't that hard."

"I apologise, mother," he replied, matching her tone. "My duties--"

"I suppose last isn't the worst place to be," muttered Aurelia. "I can pretend you were remaining behind to ensure the others were all in good hands."

They reached the edge of the water.

Jason hesitated.

"Shoes down," prompted Aurelia. "Step into the water, and ask your blessing of Skypillar, child."

Jason swallowed, staring at the water by his feet. "I--"

"Don't you even think about it," muttered Aurelia.

But he'd started. The doubt was out. "I'm not sure that I'm ready."

Aurelia's grip tightened on his. "What do you mean, not ready?"

"I'm... I'm not sure that Poisonsong is the right name for me."

"It's already embarrassing enough that you're standing here screwing around," hissed Aurelia. Her nails bit into his skin despite the fingerless gloves that covered his hands. "All you have to do is get in that water and say the words. It's not hard. Shut up and do it."

Jason glanced back at the crowd.

"If you walk away now," Aurelia said softly. "I will beat you until you're lying senseless on the floor when we get home, and then I'll let your father have a turn. Is that clear?"

Aurelia released his hand, nudging him towards the lake.

He could still feel her crushing grip, the bite of her nails on his hand as he stepped into the water.

He could feel each and everyone one of his scars like they were fresh again, lines of fire across his body that he'd earned from his incompetence. The belts. The plates. The chairs. The glasses and the hairbrushes and the strings tied so tight around his arm that his fingers had turned purple.

He didn't want to feel it anymore. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to feel the blows or the scars or the spiking fear that came with them. He didn't want to know which Aspect felt right, nor did he want to hear his name in every blow or see it written in the stars.

There was no way he could embrace the Aspect of Poison for his name. He didn't have the energy to breathe, let alone the energy to fight his way through each day.

He was exhausted from feeling. He was exhausted from the anxiety that never left him alone and the doubt that lived in every crevice of his thoughts. He was exhausted from the smiles and the nods and the thinking and the breathing... and... and...

A small breath leaked out of him.

He couldn't do it anymore.

He was no Poisonsong. He ran from his problems. Ignored them. Shoved them down. Froze them until they thawed to a panic attack that consumed him whole. Everything but his violin.

Jason felt it then: the empty, numb, howling wasteland that stretched endless inside him.

He was speaking before he realised it, a flat, muted voice that barely sounded like his own.

"I, Jason, ask the Frost of Skypillar for the Blessing of song."

He would be punished for that later.

He accepted that, and froze it over.

"Jason Frostsong," said Aurelia through gritted teeth. "May Skypillar's blessings be with you."

*+*+*+*

A/N - Next week, there'll be a short 'end of part 1', and then we'll get straight into part 2 ;D

Part 1 is officially titled 'Name'
Part 2 will be 'Luminary' 

<3