A/N: This chapter explores more of Carlos's life but in the form of short diary entries from childhood. I have never done anything like this before, so would really appreciate your feedback. 

Carlos Cortez

I have gone my entire adult life avoiding surprises, but in the past three days, I have had one every single day. The first being when Paul indicated the possibility this was murder, the second was my EX revealing she knew the Killer and now this.

My heart is beating rapidly, my hands are sweating, and memories long forgotten are rising back to the surface.

I can not take it anymore.

I want to scream, to end this interrogation, and to hide away in my cosy apartment. 

But, I can't.

I have to find those answers for Paul, for the girls, and for anyone else who was fond of Clive.

I have to confront my past. 

Many years earlier 

5th January 1985- 4 years old

Dear Diary,

I am beyond excited! A trip that was planned ages ago is now finally here.

My best friend is jealous as she never gets to go anywhere, other than, Mexico, which she has seen a kajillion times.

I asked my parents if she could come, but they refused, saying they don't have enough money for her too. 

I was a little sad at first, but my Father told me that it would be a great family trip. 

It is also something new, camping. I have never gone camping before and at first, I was a little scared, but Father said we can toast marshmallows and sing songs around the fire, which sounds super exciting. 

Oh, I have to go Mother is calling my name. She says she has a surprise.  

Ugh! I don't know what to make of Mum's surprise. On the one hand, she got me this action figure I always wanted, but on the other, she tells me she can't come on the trip tomorrow. 

I was so looking forward to this trip together because I hoped it would end their shouting. 

17th June 1987- 7 years old

Dear Diary,

https://youtu.be/BL_cDdLwV9c

Today is my birthday and I was super excited because I knew when I woke up, people would be outside to sing Las  Mañanitas.

But, as they were signing I noticed Father was not there, and I got super sad because Father always sings Las Mañanitas. In fact, he is always the loudest.  

So, Mum had to stop the singing and explain that Father couldn't make the party and would sing Las Mañanitas later with a big surprise. 

I was excited again and had a great time on my birthday, smashing the Pinata, eating enchiladas, tacos, frijoles, and tres lechs cake (a sponge cake that is soaked in three different types of milk; evaporated milk, condensed milk, and whole milk). 

We even did La Mordida (cake in the face), which I had seen done at other birthdays, but never mine, because Mother said I was too young. 

But, my mood changed again, when Father picked me up and took me to a different house. 

I was not sad because of the new house, but because Father did not sing Las Mañanitas and did not give me a big surprise. Unless, you call that strange lady, who kept stroking me like a dog, and making weird noises in the bedroom with Father, a surprise. 

18th September 1992- 12 years old

Dear Diary, 

Today I had my last ever assembly at my Primary School, where we recalled the great friendships we had formed and the milestones we achieved. 

We even had to give a speech about what we dream of being when we grow up. I told everyone I wanted to be a Police Officer. 

The assembly went well, and both Mother and Father were there to watch. Which, was better than just seeing one or the other.

Also, my Stepmother was not there, the woman who used to stroke me like a dog,  as she had a huge project due. She apologised and told me she would make it up to me and I said that it was okay, you can't make everything. I pretend to be a little upset she couldn't make it, but inside I was massively relieved.  

But, after the assembly, when Mother takes me home, she tells me she has a surprise. 

I am not excited by this news, because I know now that when they say surprise it is to frame an unpleasant situation more pleasantly, like telling me their divorce was just a way to give me more love, with two Birthdays, two Christmases, etc.  

Today is no different, Mother tells me that Grandma entered a competition and won a house, which is far too large for just her, so she has invited me and Mum to live with her. 

This surprise would be quite exciting, if it were not for the fact that the house is in Mexico, away from all my friends, away from my own Father. 

I get super mad at Mother and say some truly hurtful things, which she rightfully scolds me for.

I felt bad for upsetting my Mother, but I just got so angry that she was planning to take me away from everything I loved.

I also got mad at Father for agreeing to this and called him to ask why.

He tells me he didn't know about this and demands I take the phone to Mother.

To cut a long story short a huge argument breaks out, which results in them asking me who I want to stay with.

10th April 1994- 13 years old.

I am super excited because it is the School holidays and tomorrow I am going to Mexico to visit Mother, who I have not seen in ages.

I usually see her at least once a month, but have been unable to the past couple of months, due to her being so ill. 

I am so excited to see her that I asked Father if we could bake her some delicious cupcakes. 

Father agreed but said he was too busy to make them with me and I had to do it with my Step-Mother.

I was a little sad at first, but after baking them I wasn't because Step-Mother made them look really nice. 

Also, in other news, which I just found out yesterday, I am going to be an older brother. 

Oh, I have to go Father is calling my name. He says that he has something exciting planned.

Ugh! Once again my Father has used the word surprise to mask something unpleasant.

Today the surprise was that tomorrow he was taking me and Gabriela to Thorpe Park, which I have always wanted to visit, but Father said it was just a pointless waste of money. 

Now, this news would have been super exciting if it were not for the fact that we had the trip to Mexico already planned for tomorrow.   

But, of course, once again it is cancelled, due to the fact Mother has....

Oh My! 

I don't know if I can say it. 

Because saying it would make it real.

It would mean.

....Retired to the Heavens.

17th June 1999- 19 years old

Worst Day Ever!

First of all, I get yelled at by my Professor for no apparent reason. 

Secondly, I embarrass myself in front of a girl I liked. 

Thirdly, this random girl walks up to me and slaps me right across the face saying I ruined everything! What? I didn't even know her.

Lastly, the worst one of all, one I will never be able to forget. 

For you see, one of my close friends, who despite me telling him not to worry, plans a surprise party. 

Which didn't leave me bouncing with joy, but instead balling my eyes out.  

All because I thought that with this surprise came devastating news. 

I had to explain everything to everyone, which was ironic considering I got dorms at University to escape from my home drama. 

Although, I am not completely able to escape from it.

Father does call from time to time to complain about how much of a bitch Step-Mother is, his words, not mine. 

I always block it out, worrying more about my younger brother Mateo, who is going to grow up like me, hearing the word surprise over and over again, until it is not a word of joy, but a word of dread.