Kabanata 30

"Adren..."

Naniniwala pa rin ako na maaayos namin ito. I even told Sarathiel before, ang mga lumilisan ay bumabalik kapag mahalaga ang kanilang naiwan. Pero nakalimutan ko 'yata idagdag na minsan ang mga nangiiwan ay wala na ring nababalikan.

"What?" Matamang tanong niya. "You said we were over, so get over it."

"Pakinggan mo muna kasi ako." I was crying infront of him. "P-promise, I won't hurt you again. Sa kahit anong paraan, Adren."

My heart was shattering as my vision gets blurred because of the tears. Pakiramdam ko ay pinong-pino ang pagtapak ni Adren sa puso ko. Pero hindi ko ito inaalintana, I just wanted us to be together again. I just want to be with him, kahit gaano kasakit.

He arched an eyebrow. "Promise? Like how you promise you'll never leave me?"

It hurts me that I couldn't justify it. Lahat ng binabato niya sa akin ay galing naman talaga sa bibig at aksyon ko.

My lips quivered as I spoke. "This time, it's for real."

Umiling siya. "No, because this time I won't believe you anymore. Pwede bang lubayan mo na ako? I'm trying my best to be at my best behavior towards you- even if you don't deserve it."

"I'm sorry..."

The words he told me made me feel numb. Hindi ko matanggap na si Adren itong kausap ko. Hindi ko matanggap na kaya niya pala akong saktan na parang hindi ako naging mahalaga sa kanya. It's painful to get hurt but the pain that's brought by the person you love was beyond any pain. It's nerve wrecking.

His eyes went somewhere and smirked. "Nandiyan na pala 'yung tuta ni Solstice."

Even in my slump state, I manage to turned around to see who it was. Nakapamulsang lumapit si Etienne, walang bakas ng kahit anong emosyon sa mukha.

Nang makalapit si Etienne sa akin ay agad niya akong inakbayan. I could feel him gently caressing my shoulders as if to tell me everything's okay. The small gesture made me cry again.

Etienne grinned. "Mas bagay 'yata kung tuta ni Arrisea? What do you think, Kuya Adren?"

Adren clenched his jaw. "Shut up."

Etienne snorted. "Makikipag-asaran ka, pikon ka naman."

I gently nudged him using my elbow. Sa tingin niya ba ay biro lang ang lahat?!

"I'm sorry." Etienne apologized. "It was all me. If you want to blame someone, ako na lang. Labas si Ate Arrisea rito."

"Sawa na ako kay Arrisea." Malamig na saad niya. Parang tumigil 'yata ang mundo dahil mas lalo kong dinibdib ang pananalita niya.

Alam ko, maaaring dala lamang ng galit ang mga sinasabi niya ngayon pero hindi nito maalis ang sakit na pinaparamdam sa akin ng bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

"Sawa na pala sa'yo e, tara hanap na lang tayo ng bago." Panga-alo saakin ni Etienne.

"Adren..." nagsusumamong sambit ko.

"Leave me alone."

"Mahal kita." I was trembling and my chest was heaving.

"Hindi ko kailangan ng pagmamahal mo. Sa'yo na lang 'yan." Malamig niyang utas bago niya kami iwanan ni Etienne.

I couldn't take his words against him. Nasaktan ko 'yung tao at siguro nga nahihirapan siyang magtiwala muli. Bumuntong hininga ako.

Kumunot ang noo ni Etienne.

"Ang emo naman no'n," ismid niya. "Parang hindi nag-amok at binigay lahat ng shares niya dahil sa'yo."

He almost gave up his position for me. Pero ayon din kay Etienne, hindi pumayag ang Lolo ni Adren sa naging desisyon niya. At baka nga binawi rin ito ni Adren, he's a level headed person and he knows that giving up his shares is an irrational decision.

"He's hurting, Etienne..." pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. He has all the right reasons to act this way. Sinaktan ko siya.

"Honestly if I knew he was a drama queen, pinabayaan ko na lang na si Tatiana ang naging sagabal sa inyo."

"Maybe, I really should stop..." I sighed. "Siguro nga, hindi talaga kami ang para sa isa't-isa."

Parang domoble ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. This time, I was the recipient of the greater pain of being left behind.

I thought that the last time that I'll meet Tatiana was during the time she was hospitalized. Pero mukhang may balak pa ang tadhana para sa aming dalawa.

Isang araw ay nakasalubong ko siya, she was in a wheelchair and she looked like she was waiting for someone. Nagimbal ako nang bigla siyang lumingon sa direksyon ko. Her innocent smiled smeared on her face.

"Ate..." she went towards me, a hopeful look on her face. "Nauntog ka na ba? Did you realize how much of a slut you are? Tulad ng mama mo po?"

Ngumisi ako.

"I broke up with him, pero hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay magugustuhan ka na niya. Wake up, Snow White. Matagal ka nang nahihimbing sa tulog mo kaya ang lakas mong managinip." I spat out, gritting my teeth after the words left my mouth.

"Oh? Don't you know? I actually told him about your family history. Kung paano'ng nananalaytay sa dugo mo ang pagiging malandi. Like mother, like daughter po!" she giggled, covering her mouth to supressed it.

Napako ako sa aking kinatatayuan.

My lips parted as my gaze flew towards her, she was still giddy.

She did what?

Sinabi niya kay Adren?

Did Adren really thought I was not worth it because of it? Nanikip ang dibdib ko at pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ito sa galit.

"Don't worry, Arrisea. Tulad ni Mommy na inalagaan ang Papa mo, I'll take good care of Adren. He deserves someone pure and I believe that it's me," she blurted out, clasping her hand together. Her sickening smile only made me pissed off.

Dahan-dahan niyang pinaikot ang gulong ng kanyang wheelchair. A ghastly smile appeared on her face.

"You're not pure, Arrisea. Sa aspektong 'yon, hinding-hindi mo ako matatalo. You may have your pretty face, so what? Madumi naman ang tingin sa'yo ng tao..."

Tinawanan ko lang ang pagiging hibang niya.

"I actually admire people who are righteous," umamin ako sa kanya. "Pero iba ang usapan kung gagamitin ang pagiging righteous niya para makapanira o maipamukha sa isang tao na madumi siya."

Just because someone is righteous, it doesn't give them the right to point out the filth of others. It doesn't give them a free pass to trampled upon someone. It doesn't make them more clean than anyone. It doesn't make them superior just because they don't wear their stained souls on their sleeves.

"Huwag mo na lalapitan pa ulit si Adren," banta niya sa akin. Her doe eyes blazed with anger. "I swear, everyone else will see how unpure you are and how you aren't worth any of it."

I rolled my eyes and let her vanished from my sight. I wonder, ito ba 'yung sinasabi ni Etienne? Love makes you do irrational things? Because, love did her so bad.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"Stop drinking beyond your control, Ate." Sita ni Etienne habang umiiling.

Nasa Les Gens kami ngayon, it was my day off. Pero nandito pa rin ako sa trabaho. Sari-saring kulay ng ilaw ang tanging nakikita ko dahil sa dami ng aking nainom. Everything else is already blurred.

"I'm eighteen! And you're just Etienne." I giggled at my own joke.

"Kaya ka iniiwan e." He fired back.

Agad na nawala ang ngiti ko sa labi. Nakakainis talaga 'tong lokohin kasi mas nakakaloko siya!

Nilayo niya sa akin 'yung ilang baso. "Hindi alak ang sagot sa problema. People often took alcohol and think their problems would miraculously vanished."

Nilagok ko pa ang isang shot na nasa harap ko. The bittersweet taste registered to my throat, agad akong ngumiwi dahil nabigla 'yata ang panlasa ko.

"Arri!" A familliar voice called me. Nilingon ko ito at nakitang si Gio pala. He was waving at me while walking towards our direction.

"You're here?" tanong ko kay Gio, who had his sight on Etienne. His eyes turned to slits.

"Underage ka pa, ah!" Gio blurted out which made Etienne frown in response.

"Hindi po ako umiinom," Etienne answered monotonously. "Kapag ba talaga eighteen na, lasingero at lasingera?"

My half opened eyes glance at Etienne. That isn't the case, it might be true that some actually gets excited to reach their legal age to finally experience beverages like this, pero sa una lang naman ito. Hindi naman pangmatagalan na solusyon ang alak.

"Lasing ka?" Halakhak ni Gio. "Bakit? Hala! Heartbroken? Same!"

Nag-apiran pa kaming dalawa. I also chuckled at him. The song Roxanne was playing in the background.

"She's not Roxanne but she's never gonna love me." Gio muttered as he let out a long sigh.

"Ang dadrama niyo talaga," humalukipkip si Etienne.

"Mahal ko pa rin siya e." Humihikbi ako habang nakasandal ang ulo ko sa isang bote na hawak ko.

"Ako rin," Gio chuckled. "Pero di tayo mahal e, okay na siguro na minsan sa buhay natin nagawa natin silang mahalin."

Sabay na napatingin kami ni Gio kay Etienne, who only raise an eyebrow while mouthing 'what'.

Etienne shrugged. "Sorry, wala akong entry. Hindi naman ako sawi."

Sabay naming binatukan si Etienne. Ang insensitive kasi kahit kailan. Hindi man lang inisip na nagd-drama kaming dalawa ni Gio rito.

I decided to go to the dance floor. Gusto ko sumayaw! Gusto ko maging masaya! Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya...

"Arri! Saan ka pupunta?" Gio seeked for me amidst the crowd. Tumawa lang ako habang naghahanap ng maiinom pa.

"Hey! Arrisea 'di ba?" a figure asked me. Agad akong tumango, medyo nahihilo na. Ang kanyang pigura ay hindi pamilyar sa akin.

"Have this! Free drink!"

My dumb brain accepted the drink. Free drink daw e! Libre naman kaya bakit ko tatanggihan?

I drink it, buttoms up. Lalong naging spiral ang paningin ko. I heard a girl giggling. That voice sounded so familiar, it's almost scary.

"Sweet dreams, unpure slut."

The night was wild for me. A little too wild that I let myself act without inhibitions. I tried to forget him just for a night. Lahat ay ginawa ko para lang makalimot. All I remembered was I was with someone who was holding me tightly as I kissed him wildly. He responded by slipping his tongue inside my mouth and it was really ticklish. His fingers graze through my body and...

Then I woke up.

Masakit ang ulo ko at pinilig ito upang tignan kung inuwi ba ako nila Etienne o Gio. The whole room was unfamilliar. It was minimalistic though with the motif of dark colors.

I was wearing an oversized pajama. Tumayo ako pero agad na natumba dahil ang sakit ng bandang hita ko. I was swearing because it really hurts. Napaupo tuloy ako sa sahig.

Nabangga ba ako kagabi?

I saw my phone on the sidetable near the lamp. Kinuha ko ito at agad na tinext si Etienne.

Arrisea:

Apartment mo ba ito o condo? Or kay Gio? Gising na ako, dalhan niyo ako ng makakain! Thank you!

Etienne:

Bakit ngayon ka lang nag-reply?

Kagabi ka pa namin hinahanap.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Tiningnan ko ang inbox ko at nakitang tadtad ito ng messages galing kay Etienne at Gio.

Arrisea:

Di kayo nakakatuwa, gutom na ako.

Agad na nag-ring ang phone ko at sinagot ko ito. It was Gio and he sounded panicking.

"Nasaan ka?!"

"Uh, di ko rin alam?" I answered while roaming around the room. Nice! Ang ganda naman ng mga palamuti niya rito.

Bumuntong hininga siya sa kabilang linya. "Can you see any landmarks? Susunduin ka namin. Are you okay? Do you feel...anything lost?"

"Mga damit ko. Pero okay lang mura lang naman 'yon," sagot ko habang hinihilot ang aking sentido, naramdaman ko ang pagkalam ng sikmura ko. Gutom na talaga ako.

Nakarinig ako ng mura kay Gio. "Arrisea, seryoso kasi ako."

"Seryoso rin naman ako! Damit lang 'yon."

"May masakit ba sa'yo?" Gio's voice was laced with concern.

"Oy, di niyo naman ako pinigilan kagabi. Ilang beses ba akong nabangga?"

"What do you mean?"

"Masakit 'yung bandang hita ko."

Narinig ko ang mga OA nilang reaksyon, particularly Gio. Tawa lang ang naririnig ko galing kay Etienne.

"Ako nga," Etienne was on the line now. "Pasikot-sikot pa kasi kayo. Ate Arri, did you had sex with someone?"

My jaw fell. Nag tiim bagang ako bago tuluyang naisip kung ano ang sinabi niya.

Ano?

What the hell?!

"No!" Agad na sagot ko. "I mean, wala akong matandaan!"

"Oh sige, salamat. Mag-panic ka na ulit Kuya Gio, wala raw siyang matandaan." Etienne snorted.

Nagising bigla ang diwa ko dahil sa sinabi ni Etienne. Is that possible? I made love with someone who's probably not Adren?!

Napasabunot ako sa sarili ko habang nakaupo. I'm so doomed! I shouldn't have done anything while drunk.

I was biting my fingernails when I heard the door opening. Napatingin ako sa taong pumasok. It was a guy who was wearing a white polo and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbow. He looks at me and his lips parted.

"Good morning." Lumapit siya sa akin pero lumayo ako kaya natigilan siya. He stopped from his tracks and sighed. Agad siyang lumayo at may pinuntahan.

Hindi ako makapaniwala. Unti-unting nagsilaglagan ang mga butil ng luha sa aking pinsgi. All hopes vanished for me.

Hanimal.

It really wasn't Adren.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪☽༓☾❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜