TW; shows kelsea in a bad mental state, if you struggle with anything read at ur own risk.

KELSEA'S POV

i didn't sleep very good last night, i think i fell asleep within an hour of the nurse leaving, oh and some lady came and woke me up at who knows what time because there are no clocks in here. then i woke up again, and now here i am, the nurse told me it's 9. i'm just sitting in my bed, staring at the wall. i wish there was at least a window. i feel like i'm in prison.

i pressed the nurse call button, and within four minutes a new nurse came in.

"can i call my brother?" i ask her.

"do you have the schedule?" she asks me, looking at me.

i nod and say again, "yes i don't want breakfast i wanna make a call instead."

"you must eat though. detoxing from drugs in the beginning is very hard and if you don't eat, your cravings worsen." she tells me, eyeing me trying to watch my emotion. i give her nothing.

"i am fine." i say and get up and walk out of the room and to the front desk.

i look at the receptionist, she looks angry, i look around and see an ipad on the counter, i grab it when she is spinned around in her desk chair. then i sneak off into a bathroom and i type in the password that they gave me yesterday. i go onto facetime and i call lauren first.

she picks up on the second ring, looking confused but then she sees me and it clicks.

"lauren oh my god." i say, sitting on the bathroom floor. it's a single bathroom and i quickly lock the door.

"kelsea ahh ok how is it? are you alright??" she asks me and i watch as she sets down her phone on her bed.

i shrug and look up at the bathroom door, i hear someone saying my name but i ignore it, "not that great, it's pretty awful here. i wish i was at your house."

"i'm sorry kels. just try to get through it, maybe it will help, you could even just tell them your better and maybe they'll release you." she adds.

"that makes me feel like i'm in a prison."
i said, "i love you laur, im gonna hurry and call my brother, before i have to go."

she nodded and said bye and we hung up as i called corbyn.

he picked up quickly.

"kels! hey!" he said smiling

"i hate it here, i wanna go home." i said, tears started streaming down my face.

he looked at me and then i said again, "please come get me."

"kels you know i can't, you have to get better. you might actually enjoy it there after awhile, just give it a chance." he said to me.

"how will i ever? it feels like a prison...." i said and tears were streaming down my face as i heard someone banging and yelling at the bathroom door.

"what's that? are you okay?" he says, he could definitely hear the yelling.

"oh, i ran into the bathroom. i needed to call you." i told him and tears kept streaming down my face.

he looked at me, and he was on the tour bus still, i could see the kitchenette behind him as he said, "kels you should probably go, you got this though alright? today will be good and try to get the most out of it, and who knows maybe you'll be home next week, i gotta go too, we have a recording session before sound check and all that."

i listened to him, "i wish i was there," i added, "this place sucks."

"cmon kels you'll do great." he added.

tears kept running down my face and i just nodded and hung up the facetime call. sitting against the bathroom concrete walls in silence for a moment, trying to control my tears.

after ten minutes went by, the knocking on the door had stopped, i got up and turned on the faucet, putting both hands underneath the water, i looked into the mirror at myself, to be completely honest, i didn't see myself. i don't really know who i was, i splashed some water onto my face, as i grabbed a towel and wiped my face, removing the towel, i looked back into the mirror, i thought i'd had a straight face on, but my self-conscious in the mirror was grinning, at first i was confused. i hadn't been smiling. the room felt cold, i shivered and looked around the bathroom trying to feel my senses, a long time ago, my doctor told me to make sure i feel sensory awareness. i try, but sometimes it feels so.... foreign.

what is going on? i feel so lost, so... so trapped..?

as i held onto the ipad, i walked out of the bathroom, tucking the ipad behind my arm, holding onto it fiercely, hoping no one would see it and i could hide it under my bed or under my blankets or something.... i started walking down the hallway, towards my room, when someone grabbed my arm.

i looked at them, it was a tall man, he looked about six foot, and possibly in his thirties. i looked at him, feeling paranoid.

"kelsea, correct?" he asked me.

i shook my head, not wanting him to know my name, but it was mostly nerves talking. my body felt numb, my words were very distinct, i didn't know what i was doing.

"well, what's your name?" he then asked me.

"i'm not a patient." i said sternly, glaring at him.

"oh ummm... well then what are you up to?"

"why do you care?" i asked, trying to break away from his grip on my arm, but he tightened his grip on me.

"can you not touch me-" i added.

just then, a nurse, the same lady from earlier came over to us. "what's going on here?"

i shrugged, "he's harassing me."

although he had touched me, i didn't really feel like starting a fight, i am exhausted, burned out, sick of all this shit. i just wanted it to be over.

the guy then shook his head, as the woman grabbed his arm  and tore him away from me. "you should go to the cafeteria, help get breakfast ready." she said to him as he walked off and looked at me.

"hand it over." the nurse said to me and i knew she was talking about the ipad. "that is hospital property and is for everyone, kelsea if you'd like to keep your call privileges then you'd better follow all rules here."

i looked at her and slowly nodded my head, it felt weak and heavy, i grabbed onto my head with my right hand, holding it as the nurse watched me and i finally spoke up, "well then can i leave?"

she looked at me, "let's get you some food in your system, you'll feel one hundred percent better." she started walking, while holding onto my hand, i just stood there, like a statue, my body felt frozen.

she looked back at me, "kelsea, let's go."

i watched her and ripped my hand away from her, "no, i'm not that hungry, i'm fine."

"then you are welcome to sit and converse with everyone else." the nurse said to me and i just starting walking down the halls, as i was walking my legs started to feel weak, like my body couldn't hold them up, they felt like noodles, my stomach felt like a giant rock was in it, just plopping down against me and weighing me down, as i fell to the ground, my head fell back and hit the ground, as my eyes closed and all i saw was my mom walking towards me, and my dad was next to her, i don't even remember what my father looked like, but i saw him, next to her, walking towards me, they both had no emotion on their faces, just as wyatt stepped out in front of them and in front of me.

"wyatt???!!!!" i said , crawling at the ground and i looked down, i was on the grass. "what—what are you doing here?" i asked him vaguely waiting for an answer.

wyatt just stared at me, "kelsea, you must stay here, i will be back for you tomorrow to rescue you, they are after you." he said sternly and turned away from me and i watched as his hair was swaying.
as he left i noticed my mom and dad were now gone and i saw nothing left. nothing was there, everything was dark around me. where the hell am i? what happened?

i am going insane, i'm going crazy.

"crazy? girl.... you done gone.." i heard a voice in my head say and i looked around, trying to see where it came from but i saw nothing.

a few moments of extreme darkness and feeling lost, i finally could see the hospital, but i wasn't on the ground anymore, i looked around me and no one was in the room but i was on a hospital bed with that weird tissue paper that they use. i looked around the room, i saw the computer and looked at the door, it was closed, the room was small. i blinked a few times trying to adjust my eyes.

finally, i stood up and locked the door, it was a push lock.

i took a deep breath as i looked around, i started looking through papers trying to figure out what had happend, i don't remember how i got here.

the computer then made a sound, i looked over at it and noticed it was logged in and on some screen with writing already, i sat in the chair next to the computer and starting reading, it's my fucking doctor report.

i looked at the door, still locked. as i continued reading, there were notes from my mom, explaining my situation. tears began falling from my eyes and i got up started banging on the door, i was now crying uncontrollably, i couldn't stop, i kept banging on the door, yelling and screaming. i just wanted out of this hospital all together.

i heard some lady start telling me to unlock the door, but my brain couldn't even get my body to unlock it, i just kept banging on the door and screaming for help. i felt like i wasn't in control.