KELSEA'S POV

i looked at zach, waiting for his response. he just kind of nodded and started driving off.

"okay where to?" he asked about ten minutes later of him just driving around.

"uh, my friend's, um just drop me off at dunkin." i added.

"alright. what should i tell corbyn and your mom?" he asked

i looked at him, "nothing. you never saw me." i shrugged.

he looked at me, his eyes had a look of sadness but i just shrugged it off.

we stayed in silence until we pulled into the dunkin parking lot and he parked near the front.

i looked out the window and ran my fingers through my hair and tucked a little bit behind my ear.

"alright, text me when you get there." zach said and looked at me, his left hand still on the steering wheel.

"wait- if i go back, what will happen? do you know anything?" i asked him, nervously and i started biting my thumb nail.

"i'm not sure. you could call corbyn if you want."

i looked back at him. "i- uh. yeah i guess so."

zach slowly nodded and grabbed his phone from the cup holder. "up to you."

i took a deep breath. "do it."

zach sighed heavily and looked at me, he seemed nervous as well, as he unlocked his phone and went into his call history and searched corbyn in his contacts, i watched as he clicked on it and it started ringing.

he handed the phone to me. "you should talk."

i slowly nodded, and waiting for him to answer, holding the phone to my ear.

corbyn picked up on the third ring. "yo zach? where you at man?"

i bit my lip harshly, feeling so scared, as i spoke quietly into the phone, "hi. it's kelsea."

"huh? i cant hear you bro speak up."

"it's kelsea." i said speaking up a bit more.

"yoooo for real??? what's goin on kels??" he said and i heard my mom in the background asking who it was.

"i'm with zach." i said, "he found me."

"you disappeared friday morning kels. we're so worried about you. are you guys coming back? we have to leave soon. we leave tonight." he told me.

"i don't know." was all i said.

"if you don't come tonight moms sending people to come get you and take you to the hospital tonight. if you come with us you don't have to. i love you kels come on. i thought you were having fun." corbyn said and all of a sudden i couldn't feel my body, it's like my shoulders were crushing me, i was breathing so heavily, i opened the car door and jumped out and fell to the ground, zach's phone hitting the floor of the car in front of the passenger seat.
i couldn't see. i couldn't hear anything around me, my body was crushing me. i felt sick. i couldn't move. i was having a panic attack.

zach jumped out of the car immediately, running to me and trying to talk to me, but i couldn't tell what he was saying, i couldn't hear or put his words together, i heard him say 'you' and 'okay' but i couldn't tell what he was saying, he grabbed the phone and started saying something to corbyn and i heard corbyn say, "come back now", my hands on the pavement. i could feel my left knee bleeding but i couldn't move my hands to touch it, i had enough power in my arms to hold me up, but i didn't feel anything else.

zach picked me up and put me into the back seat of the car, i heard him tell me to lay down, i couldn't move so my head was leaned against the car door.

zach got into the drivers seat, as he drove off.

i sat there trying to look around and tried to feel my stomach with my arms to feel back in my body again, but my weight still felt like it was crushing me. i finally spoke up, "wait- zach. i wanna go home. i want my bed. i want my blanket i want..." he looked back at me, nodding, "alright we're going."

i nodded slowly, catching my breath. i took a deep breath and touched the door handle on the car door, taking it in, as i started to name things around me in my head.

zach drove quickly, i noticed him almost running a red light but he hit his brakes suddenly, my head moves forward a bit and i look out the window.

we pull into the driveway of my house, i look out the window and the tour bus is parked at the curb.

zach gets out and i just sit there, looking out the window and touching my back pocket, feeling my phone in it, i look over and i open the door and grab the scooter as i get out and set it onto the grass, zach comes up behind me and i grab onto his arm. he walks me inside, front door unlocked as we walk in. i look up and i run for the stairs and run to my room, locking the door behind me and jumping on my bed. i grab tomkins, my polar bear stuffed animal, my og best friend. i hold him close and i just look at the ceiling, i hear corbyn's voice telling me to open the door, as i just lay in silence in the dark. i grab my phone and i start calling lauren, she picks up right away and i see her in the kitchen with her mom. "laur, can you go in your umm.. room?" i say quietly.

lauren looks at her phone, "oh yeah, okay. i'll be right back mom." she says and walks to her room.

"lauren. so i said i was going to wyatt's yeah? well i went to meet up with zach, we um, i called corbyn and i'm in my house now, currently in my room. i locked the door. i'm so scared though. can you stay on the phone with me? please?"  i plead to her, trying to explain everything.

she nodded, "yeah, yeah, of course."

i slightly nod and smile. "i love you, thank you for everything, seriously, i don't know what i'd do without you. you're my best friend."

she just nods, "yeah of course, i've been on your side since 2nd grade, i can't stop now." she smiles.

"you can mute yourself if you want, i'll leave my phone in the blanket. and hidden behind tomkins." i add as i sit up and i open the door. corbyn is just down the hall, saying something to my mom.

he sees me open the door and runs back to my room, "kelsea ...."  he starts, as he pulls
me into a hug. i hug him back.

"i just want to be in my room. i don't wanna go tour with you or to the hospital.. i don't need it, i don't. i just i need to be alone." i start talking trying not to cry or break down.

corbyn nods, and holds me close. "okay, okay. it's okay. it'll be okay."

i look at him and shake my head, "i-i'm broken. i'm not worth fixing."

he nods slowly, "no no you're not broken kelsea." he says as my mom walks up behind him and i look at her with fear in my eyes, corbyn notices and he whispers something to her.

corbyn let's go of me and walks down the hall with mom. i watch them as i fall to my knees and break down in tears, i grab tomkins and i hold him close to my heart.

just then, daniel walks in, looks at me and then sits on my bed. i wipe my eyes on my shirt and get up, holding tomkins close to me still. "hi.... uhh.."

daniel looked at me, "hmm so how was the party?" he asked me.

"how'd you know about that?" i asked and looked at him.

"we all saw your instagram and zach told me just now," he added.

"oh.. okay." wow i thought zach wouldn't tell anyone. i bet he told them everything, that i said and did..

maybe i should go to wyatt's. chase doesn't even wanna be my friend anymore, he'll probably just be with emily forever.

"yea was it fun?" daniel asks as he watched me.

"it was alright." i said, trying to keep it to a minimal answer.

he nodded and stood up and left my room.

i sat down on my bed and grabbed my phone and saw lauren still there, she was taking off her false lashes, when she saw me and looked at the camera. "kels, you doing okay?" she asked me, as she peeled off her lashes.

"yeah i think, maybe." i said.

"who came in your room after corbyn?" she asked me.

"oh that was daniel, another one of the boys from his band." i said nodding, as i sat down tomkins on the bed.

after fifteen minutes had passed, i looked at my phone and it was now 10:15pm. i looked to lauren as corbyn came back into my room. "alright kels, so the plan is, you're coming back on the bus with us, we have another three day break next week and i'm gonna fly back to california with you and lydia would love to hang with you. she's a really nice girl. i think you'd like this option."

i looked at him and nodded, feeling relieved. "wow, wait. i actually love that." i said and took a deep breath, "i'm sorry i left. i wanted to go see lauren and i just, i don't know, i felt like no one cared about me."

he nods and pulls me into a hug again, as i stand up and hug him. i also started thinking of lauren and chase, and i said, "i really miss lauren though she's my best friend.. i need her."

corbyn nodded and looked at me, "you'll always have her, no matter where you are."

i nodded slowly, my mind started wandering off and i started thinking of wyatt. he was high when he came up with the mexico idea, it was kinda cute.

i sat down on my bed again, as i looked up at corbyn.