Song: Every time the rain comes down- Anna Blue

Clara walks me down to Sarah's office. She is alright I guess...I like Marie more but I know Marie can't work all the time. I actually slept some last night, so I feel a little better today. I even ate most of my breakfast; of course I had to eat in my room because they are worried that I will hurt someone. I think Sarah thinks I'm going to lose it on someone and in a way I don't blame her because here lately I feel like I have no control over my own body and thoughts half of the time. 

Sarah seems happy to see me when I walk into her office. "Good morning Coralie." She says with a bright big smile. She is always so nicely dressed with her hair all brushed out and make up on. I wonder bet she has the best sleep ever and nothing keeps her up at night wide awake. I bet she even wakes up super early to take a shower and get ready for the day all the while having that smile plastered on her face. 

"Morning," I say back flatly. I wished that I had a reason to smile but I don't. 

"How are you feeling today?" she replies with a simple smile. 

"I'm here." I pick up the fidget cube this time and start playing with it. Each side has different things to play with and my fingers focusing more to the one side over the others. I focus on the way it feels against my skin.

"I want to prescribe you something...I think it will help a little."

I look up at her with a questionable look and smirk, "I thought you said I wasn't allowed to have anything." Wow, guess now she realizes that I am really messed up and only medication will help me out.

"Well...I talked with your parents and they agreed that it will be alright at this time to introduce something to help."

The mention of my parents gets my attention. "When did you talk to them?" I look back down at the cube in my hand. 

"This morning actually."

I barely choke out, "They were here?" I ask her...they were here and didn't even say hi.

"I know what you are thinking. They wanted to see you but I told them you were not ready. So don't be upset with them." She sits back and crosses her arms in front of her. 

"Why would you do that?" I bark back at her.

She looks back at me and says calmly, "Because you are not ready."

"That's bullshit and you know it." I snap at her again.

"Cora this is my office. You are not to be in this session...I need to talk with Coralie."

It pisses me off that she is noticing the different sides of me better than I am.  "Fine...whatever."

She leans back up and places her elbows on her desk. "So these pills...I want you to take one in the morning and one at night."

"What if I don't want to?" I glare back at her.

She does this screwed up facial expression between a smile and a frown. "Do you want to go home?"

I nod yes...of course I do. I can't freaking stand it here much longer. I mean hello...no TV, no phone, nothing. I will do anything to get out of here.

"Okay...so Clara and Marie will make sure you get the pills and take them. In the mean time I got you a new journal." She sets it down on the edge of the desk close to me. Then she takes out three pens placing them on top of the journal.

"Why do I need three pens?"

"Well I was thinking. I want you to use a different color to represent who you are."

"What?" I ask a little confused.

"For example if you are Coralie write in blue...If Cora write in green and if Willow write in red. Then in a week we will look through it and see what we got."

"Why?"

"I want to help you. Coralie is strong on her own. She doesn't really need others telling her how to be."

I don't say anything to her. I stare at the journal before me. It's bee a little while since I have wrote down my thought, their thoughts. 

"So...I need to talk to Coralie...not Cora." She stares back at me. I know she knows and I can't seem to fool her.

I put down the cube, when I sit back down I put my legs under me and I fold my arms in front of me, closing me off from the world.

"So Coralie...you're sixteen right?"

"You know that I am...I have been here for over two weeks and I have been talking to you everyday."

She looks down for a second then back up. "Must be hard for a sixteen year old girl living through what you lived through."

I don't say anything. How could she or anyone for that matter know anything about what I have had to live through. 

"I know Cora and Willow like to protect you...well they try to."

I glare back at her; she has no idea what in the hell she is talking about without them I wouldn't even be alive. "They do take care of me," I say with a soft low tone. 

"Do they? Who wanted to take the pills...you or Cora?"

I feel my bottom lip starting to tremble. "She said it would make everything go away."

"Did it?"

I shrug. "A little...I guess."

"Did Cora make you do other things...things you wouldn't do?"

I nod my head. I think of all the times I was messing around in bathrooms, locker rooms, closets, guys bedrooms just to do what I had to do to get my fix. It was all about the fix, to feel numb, to try to erase the past. But nothing ever really worked because I am here now and the past is still haunting me.

"Maybe we can tell her it's ok to be with you but she has to take care of you."

I snap on her. "I do take care of Coralie...without me she would be dead already."

She addresses me differently. "Cora....making her take drugs to ease the pain is not the answer. I can help you though."

I talk back to her with a closed mouth, gritting my teeth. "We don't need help."

"You are here because you talked her into taking an over dose. You are to take care of her not kill her."

"It was the only way...and I would never kill Coralie...however Willow just might."

"So Willow made her do it?"

I roll my eyes and shrug again. "Maybe."

"Well...maybe the two of you need to talk to Willow. Tell her if she wants to hang around she has to be the protector."

I shake my head slowly. "Willow has a mind of her own."

"Can I talk to her then?"

I shake my head as a few tears fill my eyes. "Lady you really don't want to talk to her."

 She keeps her elbows on the table and slowly moves  her hand to hold up her head. "Maybe Willow and I need to talk...would that be ok?"

I shake my head again.

She doesn't like my reply and quickly leans back against her chair again. "Fine...from here on out she is out. She is never allowed to interfere again. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do. Coralie is fine. She doesn't need this place?" I say very harshly as my eyes glass over. I can feel myself fading as she forces her way through. 

"Well...it's nice to meet you Willow...I'm Sarah."

"I don't give a shit who you are and we are not talking your damn pills. I know what you're trying to do."

"What am I tying to do?"

"Get rid of me...she needs me and you know it."

 She leans back up and stares at me not letting up at all, not one blink. "Why does she need you...you tried to get rid of her?"

I laugh evilly. "Coralie is weak. Coralie can't protect herself."

"And you can?" She continues to stare into my soul. 

"He is dead isn't he...yes I will do whatever it takes to protect her."

"I thought Cora took care of her."

"Cora..." I laugh at that one. "Cora is a freaking druggy all she wants is a quick fix and she doesn't care how she gets it. Did she happen to mention the guys she has been with just to get a fix? Seriously she can't really protect her the way I can."

"So if you are the one protecting her, maybe you should talk to Cora. Sounds like Cora just wants to get her into more trouble."

"Cora doesn't care what anyone thinks. She only cares about herself."

"Really...Cora told me she takes good care of Coralie."

"Yeah sure...whatever...that's why she sleeps around with who ever to get her fix. All she wants to do is numb the pain."

"What pain?"

"I can't tell you that...it's our secret."

"Does it have something to do with Derrick?"

I can feel my eyes burning. "She told you about him?"

"A little...he hurt her didn't he and you were there to protect her."

"Well Cora wasn't going to do anything about it...so I did."

"Do you mind telling me about it?"

"Coralie won't let me do that."

"She wrote it all out...her family knows everything...tell me about it."