Song: Wake me up- Avicil by Madilyn Bailey

I can hear them talking, very low almost a whisper. They are making small talk and I think they are trying not to mention much about me.  I try to open my eyes but every time I do everything is so bright and blurry. There is beeping nearby and I know it's whatever machine that I am on. I can hear someone on the intercom talking and it's annoying as it comes on ever so often. My throat and mouth is so dry and to beat it all I have something shoved down my throat. Not to mention for some reason I can't move. I mean I can feel my fingers and my toes so it's not like I'm paralyzed but I can't move as if I'm strapped down by something.

I feel my mom's hand on my arm, her voice sounding full of hope. "Coralie...wake up sweetheart. I know you want too...come on wake up now." Her other hand moves some of my hair out of my face. She keeps playing with my hair, combing her fingers through my hair and rubbing my scalp. Back when I was little she would do this when I was sick or if my feeling were hurt and I was crying she was always there comforting me, like now. But over the years, I honestly can't remember the  last time she even really noticed the real me. 

I slowly open my eyes again and look at her. She starts crying. "Oh sweet Jesus, thank you Lord, honey you're going to be ok." I feel her reaching out to get my dad's attention.

He comes over grabbing my other hand. "Oh Coralie..." he is crying too. "I'll go get the doctor."

Within no time he is back with the doctor. The older man looks down at me and smiles. I try to keep my eyes open but they want to close. My body is so drained.

His voice comes out a little rough, not from smoking but from old age I assume. "I'm going to pull this tube out alright...take a deep breath." He pulls it out and I start to gag. "Don't try talking yet ok. Your throat is going to be really sore for a few days. For now you can write on this." He shows me a pad. He also hands me a pen but it's kind of hard writing when I have my hands strapped down. I don't understand why they have me strapped down to the bed.

"So how do you feel?" He asks. 

My mom holds the pad close to my hand. I can barely write, 'ok'.

He then goes into detail, everything that they did. The whole spill of pumping my stomach and the complications they had. He tries to explain how I could have died if my family didn't find me in time. He tells me I'm strapped down because I'm on suicide watch. They are all afraid that I will try to find another way to kill myself. But honestly I just don't have it in my right now. 

When he leaves my mom starts crying again. "It's all going to be ok...we are going to find away to get through this. We are going to get the best help possible." She says 'we' like this has to do with all of them and maybe a part of it does, but really it's all about me.

I really don't feel like listening to her go on and on about saving me, so I close my eyes and pretend to go back to sleep. The funny thing is, I really do go back to sleep.

I wake up hours later. I look around the room and they are gone. I try to move, forgetting all about the freaking straps. It's not like I cut myself...I took some pills dammit. I'm pulling really hard to break free but all I'm doing is turning my wrist really red.

I don't even notice Carter beside me till he grabs my hand. "Stop...you are going to hurt yourself even more."

I stop, not because he told me too but because my wrist is really hurting and no matter how hard I try it's not going to make a difference I'm not getting out of here.

Carter looks at the door and back at me. "Mom and dad will be back in a minute; they had to talk with the doctor about something."

I roll my eyes and look away from him. The only thing they are probably talking about is finding me help. Even if I know there is nothing anything that anyone can do to help what has already happened.

"Hey..." he says with his voice about to crack like he is going to start crying. "I wish you could have told me about everything. I would have helped...matter of fact I would have killed him myself."

A tear rolls down my cheek, not just one but several. And dammit I can't do anything about them; I can't wipe them off because my hands are freaking strapped down. I hate seeing Carter this way and knowing that he is blaming himself for not being there for me makes me feel even worse about everything.

"I know you don't want to talk about it. I know you thought I would think you were lying...but I would have believed you. I should have been there to protect you. I should have known something was wrong. I should have been a better brother."

If he doesn't stop now I'm going to snap. "Carter just stop." I whisper, my throat feels all raw and he really hurts.

"Coralie...I'm really sorry."

I take a deep breath and look over at him. "You couldn't have saved me even if you wanted too."

I see the hurt in his eyes. I so didn't mean it to come out the way it did. Now I feel like crap. I know he loves me. I know he cares so much about me but let's get real; no one could have saved me. I really don't want to look at him and see the hurt in his eyes but I know I have too. "I'm sorry....I didn't come to you. Even if I did it was too late for anyone to do anything about it."

"Coralie."

"I love you Carter...I do...but..."

The door opens up and our parents walk in causing me not to finish what I was about to say. Dad comes over to me with a gentle smile. "Hey sweetheart, nice to see you up and talking." He looks at me and then at Carter and realizes that he interrupted us.

Mom comes in behind him and she sees that I have been crying so she brings over a tissue and wipes my face for me. No one says anything. Dad looks back at Carter waiting on an explanation, but Carter shakes it off, "I got to go..."

Dad tries to stop him, "Carter wait..." but he walks out the door. He looks back at me. "Everything ok with you two...sweetheart."

I just shake my head and start crying even more. Why couldn't they just let me go? Why did they have to save me?