Song: Carry You- Ruelle and Fleurie

When I wake up it's the next day and I am still strapped securely in the bed. Clara is there with one of the male nurses and I watch her lips move but it's like I can't hear a damn thing she is saying. He leans over and undoes the straps and the two of them help me up into sitting. My whole entire body tenses up as he stands above me. I see a dark shadow and my mind reverts back to Derrick. I suddenly feel a cold sweat come over me.

I blink a few times to get the vision out of my head and now Clara is next to me again. She asks me if I need to go to the bathroom and I slowly nod my head yes. She holds out the pill for me to take first and then she helps me walk to the bathroom and when I go to wash my hands I glance up at the mirror in front of me. I have dark circles around my eyes and my face as dried tear stains. I look hollow inside but I know that I am not because they are still there.

When I come out she is waiting for me to walk me back down to Sarah's office. This is starting to be a daily thing instead of a weekly thing. I sit down placing my feet in the chair and holding my knees close to my body. I glance over at the play dough thinking that I have played with I before, like I know its pink inside. I shake the thought out of my head as I try to focus on something else in the room.

"So I hear you had a rough night last night?" Sarah asks me first thing in our session.

I just look at her blankly...not responding. I remember them in my head, crowding my every thought. I just want to be able to think all on my own again and I'm not sure that I will ever be able to do that again.

Sarah looks up at me. "You take the medication this morning?"

'Don't talk to her.'

'She's just getting in your head.'

I continue to stare back at her keeping my lips tightly closed.

"Let's give it a few days alright."

"Whatever." I shrug.

"Coralie....I am only here to help you. I can't work miracles however I can promise to help you as much as I possibly can but you have to be willing to at least meet me halfway."

"Who are you trying to help?" I snap at her. I can feel my right eye twitching and I'm not sure if it's from the lack of sleep or Cora and Willow playing in my head.

"Coralie...we are all her to help her. Don't you want to help her Cora?"

"She doesn't need your help," I sneer back at her.

"Ok...so do you think you can help her?"

I let go of my legs and turn my body to look directly at her. "Look I know what she needs and I know she doesn't need you putting things in her head." This time my voice is a little louder than I had planned.

"Why don't we ask her what she needs?"

I shake my head no. See this is the problem, we were all fine until she came and started digging into our head.

"Cora if you love her as much as you say you do...you will let her talk."

I shake my head again, there is no way in hell Coralie needs to be agreeing to any of this.

"Ok...." Sarah gets up from her desk, walking over to a radio. "Do you mind if I play some music." I watch as she turns it on and then pushes play on the CD player.

At first I really don't care about it but it's actually soothing and you can hear the ocean waves in the back ground...almost feeling like she is trying to put me in a trance...listening to the waves come in and back out. I look up at the one painting on the wall of the beach with the most amazing sunset ever. I can almost visualize being out there waiting on the waves to take me.

She sits and listens for a while, letting the music take over everything. Then she whispers to me, "You are safe here Coralie...no one can touch you...no one can harm you in anyway."

'Coralie don't listen to her.'

'She wants us to leave you.'

'She doesn't want us here.'

"Coralie....do you feel safe here?" Her voice comes out really nice and smooth. She is trying so hard to make me feel as calm and safe as possible.

I shrug again. "I guess so."

"It's all going to get better, I promise."

"You keep saying that. Everyone keeps saying that but how does it ever get better?" I can feel the burning in my eyes and I know that I am going to start crying any moment now.

"You are going to have to come to terms of what happened. You need to talk about it...let it all out in the open."

I fight back the tears and whisper. "But I'm scared."

"I know you are...there is no one here to judge you. I am only here to listen."

"You will tell them."

"Who?"

"My parents...you will tell them and they will hate me." I feel one tear escape.

She puts down everything and walks over to the other side closer to me. She sits on the chair right beside me. "First of all I am not allowed to talk about what we talk about. I can't tell your parents anything."

I sigh, "How do I know that?"

"You are just going to have to trust me."

'Don't tell her anything.'

'She's lying to you.'

'I got this....just stop already.' I tell the voices in my head.

She folds her hands across her knee. "What if you didn't tell me everything...right now?"

"Ok," I say softly.

"This guy...Derrick...who is he?"

I bite my lip debating on if I should say anything but then I start to open up to her. I can hear Cora and Willow in the back of my head telling me not to say anything but something in me tells me that I just need to get it all out and maybe then I can forget and let it all go. "He was my dad's friend. He actually worked for him at his law firm. My parents treated him and his family like they were a part of our family."

"Your parents did...did you...did you feel like he was family?"

I feel a light sting at the edge of my nose. "Hell no! I never like him. I didn't like him the moment I first meet him."

"Why not?"

I close my eyes and I remember that very first time that he walked into the house. The way his eyes looked at me it was like that is all he had to do was look but it felt like he literally touched every inch of me. "He would look at me awkwardly...gave me creeps...you know."

"I could see that...I hate having guys look at me like that. Can you describe him?"

I slowly open my eyes and glance over at her. "Do I have too?"

"We're just talking about him. You don't have to talk about anything else."

I roll my eyes at her. I know what she is doing; she is going to get me talking about him and then tell her everything that happened and I won't even realize it until after everything is said.

I take both hands and cover my face, running my hands up and down and then slowly uncover my mouth. I shake my head and look away from her. I feel so ashamed that I ever let any of it happen. "He was like a monster that hides until you are all alone then it's like he seeks you out...no matter where you are he finds you and you can't escape from him." I look up towards the ceiling as if he was standing above me. "You have to look up to him because he towers over so high above you like you are a tiny fly and he is this enormous elephant daring to stomp on you at any given moment. He is so strong he can hold you down still with just one of his mighty hands and if you dare look into his eyes...there's no escaping him...ever." I look over at her as I feel the burning in my eyes from the tears that beg to come out.

She sits quietly not saying a word as if she is trying to visualize what I just said. Wait what...I just said that shit out in the open. I told you she would do this shit.

"He sounds scary...no wonder why you didn't like him."

"Like...is an understatement...I hated him with a passion."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" I shake my head. "Not today."

"Ok...we don't have to today...maybe another day." She stands up and walks back to the other side of her desk and closes the file folder, then looks up at me. "You know they have a really good art class here today at two o'clock...I think you should go check it out."

"What makes you think I like art?"

"I don't...but I think you would like the class. I can't wait to talk about it tomorrow."

"What about group therapy tonight?" I ask her because I just know that I will be required to go. Although it would be nice if she said that I did not need to go.

"Of course there will be a session later. I will see you later...but I really want you to check out the art class alright?"

"Fine I will go." I shrug; besides what else I'm I going to do up in this place.