Song: Grace- Rachel Platten

Dad reaches out pulling me in for a hug. "We didn't come here to get you upset...we are sorry sweetheart."

I know they hate seeing me upset so I try to put on a bright smile just for him. "No...I'm sorry...I just have a lot going on in my head."

When he releases me mom embraces me in no time. She squeezes me so tight to her and I smell the faint smell of her cucumber melon shampoo that lingers in her hair. "I love you Coralie," her voice breaks and I hear her sniffle.

I wish I could make her happy again with me but I don't know if that will ever happen again. We have grown so far apart from each other. I breath her in trying to remember all the good memories being with her when I was little. "I love you too mom."

I look around and Zayden is gone. I feel like such an ass. "Where did Zayden go?"

"He was walking his mom to the front door," dad says. He gives me this look. "So he is just a friend?"

"YES...I know you guys don't believe me. I can barely believe it myself...but we are only friends." I have this really screwed up smile on my face.

"I just think you need to get better first before getting into a relationship," says dad. So he says...the real reason is because Zayden is not a clean cut upper class boy. He is middle class maybe low middle class with piercings and tattoos, not to mention he is in here with me so he has issues just as much as I do. My parents have always wanted me to date the clean preppy type, you know the lawyer, doctor type and there is nothing wrong with that except that is not for me.

"Well we have to be going, hopefully the next time you will be coming with us." Mom wipes the few tears from her eyes and then hugs me again.

"Bye mom."

"Bye sweetie."

She lets me go with tearful eyes and then dad comes in for a hug.

"Thanks for coming." I tell him.

"Any time...you just get better and then we will get you settled into the new house alright." He pulls back from me to look at me. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too dad."

Of course Carter hugs me bye and then I watch the three of them leave. I start to walk back inside but I catch Zayden in the corner of my vision walking down to the river. I turn and follow him down.

"Hey." I finally say as I catch up to him.

I love the way he turns and the sun hits his eyes just the right way to make them sparkle back at me. "Hey...you family finally leave?"

"Yeah...sorry about all of that."

He looks down casting his eyes towards the river. "No reason to be sorry." He throws a rock into the water. He sounds kind of upset.

I sit down beside him and reach for his hand only for him to pull away.

He picks up this stick and starts digging in the dirt. I can tell he has something on his mind. "What is this Coralie?"

"What do you mean?" I suddenly feel a little hurt because he pulled away.

He continues to dig deeper into the dirt. "This...between us? I thought we had something special but yet 'we're only friends!' "

"My parents..." I start to say but he cuts me off.

"You're parents have nothing to do with this. You are a big girl and can make your own decisions for once. I thought we were getting closer than just friends."

I suddenly feel a ping in my chest. I feel so sorry for making him feel this way about me. "I told you that I wasn't ready...and how in the hell am I suppose to introduce you?"

He stands up. I try reaching out for his hand but he doesn't stop long enough for me to grab a hold of him. So I stand up on my own and then catch up to him to walk by his side.

"Please wait...let me explain." I cry out begging him to just stop and listen to me.

He abruptly stops in his tracks. I walk around him to look in his eyes. "I want to be with you...I do...but Cora wants you too. I don't want her to have you."

He doesn't say anything; he just stares at me with those freaking emerald green eyes of his. I wish that I could just crawl up into that little brain of his and see what he is really thinking about. Those eyes look so lost and sad, disappointed even.

I can feel my chest tightening up and my heart pounds so hard like it is about to explode. "I'm trying here dammit...Zayden I came here to get better...and I am slowly...please just give me time."

"You're brother was right...you don't need me around."

I suddenly feel light headed. This is all about Carter. They had words and now he thinks he is no no good for me. I look around confused about it all. "Carter! Wait what did Carter say to you?"

"Nothing we both don't already know" he says and starts to walk away again.

I reach for his hand again and step back in front of him. I look at him but he is avoiding making eye contact with me so I do the only thing I know...I kiss him.

When I pull away he is looking at me with a surprised expression but I'm a little shocked when he starts talking. "Was that you or Cora?"

I shrug. "Does it even matter?"

"Yeah...it does." And he pushes me out of the way and leaves me standing there.

I roll my eyes even though he can't see me. Then yell out for him to hear and anyone else that is close by. "It was me...not her...I told you already she is not allowed to be with you." My eyes fill with tears.

He looks back at me. "This is just too much...you're right you need to get better first then we will see what this is between us."

He goes inside leaving me outside by myself and a few of the eyes that are looking at me. I'm not sure if I felt more hurt by his words or humiliated. The one time I really try to express my love for someone and he shuts me down. I try to shake off the feeling and for some reason I suddenly have Zoey on my mind wondering where she ran off too. I need to talk to her about this... me and Zayden and need to know what to do.

I go to her room but she is not there. I walk to the Common's area and she is still nowhere to be seen. I keep looking and even start asking around if anyone has seen her but everyone says no.

I keep searching and then decide to go to the art room because she loves being in there. The door is open and I glance in however I don't see anyone. I turn to leave and that is when I see someone with their back against the table, sitting on the floor.

"There you are...I have been looking everywhere for you." I walk over while talking. "So your parents didn't take..."

My blood literally drains from my face and I know I'm pale as a ghost. My heart that was racing in my chest died down to almost close to breaking. I stand there for only a second looking at her, like I can't believe what's in front of me...this can't be real...I got to be in a nightmare.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them back up to still seeing her there. It is real...OH MY GOD!!! Zoey...Why? I start to panic...there is so much freaking blood. My voice comes out in a whisper, "We are going to get you help." Tears start to flow rapidly and I don't know how loud I actually scream for help or if anyone can hear over my cries. I don't think I have ever yelled so hard in my life.

I fall to the floor beside her picking up her sliced wrist. I nudge her up so that I can slide in behind her so she can lean on me. I start to play with her hair like my mom always did with mine and I keep whispering over and over, "everything going to be alright."

It doesn't take long before someone comes. Then several people are in there and someone is trying to pull her away from me but I'm not ready to let her go. I'm afraid if I let her go she will never return back to me.

I watch them try to bring her back to life. I watch frozen in place. Someone calls the time but it doesn't register until I see them cover her face with the sheet...she is gone. I jump up, running over to her and jerk off the sheet that hides her.

"Why....why would you do that...she can't see...she won't be able to breathe." I sob over her holding on to her for dear life. This so cannot be happening.

"Coralie...she is gone."

"NO! NO!" I hug her. "Don't leave me...you can't leave me...you're like my only real friend." I start to panic harder and I don't want to believe the words that she is saying, she can't be gone.

Arms come around me to pull me off of her. I stand back as they cover her again and then roll her out of the room.

I have had many friends over the years. But Zoey...she was different. She actually cared about me. She never judged me and she was the only one that ever really understood me.

She was my friend.

It hurts.

I'm lost. Inside. Just when I thought everything was getting better the world tumbles all around me. I've been hurt mentally, physically and all in between but I have never lost something so dear to me. I know we didn't know each other that long but she was my best friend. She will always be my best friend.

I try to go about my day but I just can't with every turn I make I see her standing against the wall or sitting in the chair or lounging on the sofa. When I close my eyes all I see is that last moment with her, I keep seeing her sitting there with so much blood all around her, not breathing. She was already gone when I found her. I just didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to let her go. So I was a little selfish I guess...but she was mine.

I'm lost in my thoughts when I feel someone sit down beside me. His arm comes around me while the other takes my hand to pull me into his chest. "I heard...everyone is talking about it...are you okay?"

I can't find any words so I cry and he lets me. I can hear it in his chest that he is crying silently with me. He also had feelings for her, we were all friends. He kisses me lightly on top of my head. I breathe him in. I try to control my breathing as my body somehow syncs with his and we are both breathing in and out at the same time as one solid body. I feel whole with him.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Every time I try to say something more tears come.

"Why? Why did she do it? Why?" I sob.

"I don't know..." He holds me tighter.

"But you do know...we all do...we all have been there...just none of us have ever succeeded at it."

He doesn't say anything. He knows I'm right. Hell that's one reason we are all here in the first place. We have all talked about it at some point in our sessions. Some of us have tried cutting others like me choice pills but not one of us has ever succeeded.

"I heard her parents didn't take it well...something about they wanted her to get rid of it."

"So she just kills herself...she was talking about getting married when she got out of here."

"Maybe she felt like she didn't really have a choice...I don't know."

"She was my friend." I sniffle.

"I know...mine too."

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" It feels like my chest is caving in on me, suffocating my lungs. I gasp for air but I feel strangled by the lump in my throat. I feel so numb all over. I don't know if I can deal with the pain. My heart is broken. I don't know how much more I can take.

"Because you loved her. She will always be with you...in here." He touches my chest with his hand that is still holding onto mine. "Come on let's go for a walk."

I let him guide me outside. They say fresh air usually help but as I breathe in and smell the aroma of flowers around me it makes me feel sadder because she is not here to share this with me.

We sit there under the big oak tree until the sun starts going down, in silence.

His voice breaks the silence and t is so soft and sincere, "promise me you won't leave me."

"Zayden...when we both leave here how are we going to see each other?"

"I will find away nothing can stop me from seeing you."

"Are you still upset with me?" I ask him, avoiding looking into his eyes.

He moves his arm out from behind me and moves his body so that he can look right at me. "I know you just want to be friends. I get it...I do...but I want more."

"Zayden."

"We don't have to have sex...that's not want I want."

I look at him with curiosity...like yeah right.

"Ok...maybe one day...but I just want to be able to hold your hand without you jerking away when someone sees us...or hug you...kiss you."

"I kissed you....and you left."

"Because I want you....not her...how will I ever know it's you that I'm really kissing?"

I can feel my cheeks heating up and turning shades of pink. I know that I am officially blushing. I lightly smile at him. "So kiss me now."

He leans into me; our lips are only inches apart. I look down at his soft lips; he looks at mine then back up into my eyes as if he is trying to search inside my soul for the real me. I look back into those amazing emerald green eyes. He continues to stare into my soul. And it just happens. He takes my breath away, lips so soft and gentle against mine. When he pulls away to look at me all I can say is, "WOW!"

We hear one of the nurses yelling to let everyone know that it's time to go back inside. We stay seated under the tree looking back at each other.

"Be my girlfriend."

"You sure you want me...and all the others in my head."

"I want Coralie...I will have to deal with the others."

I shake my head. "OK. I'll be your girlfriend."

He stands up, holding his hand out for me to grab to pull me up beside him. When I'm next to him he pulls me into him, hugging me, then taking my lips again with his.

We walk back in holding hands and it feels good, even though I'm still hurting inside. It just doesn't seem right to be a little bit happy when she is gone. I wish I could have saved her. If only she would have waited for me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: Just checking in with my readers. How are you liking the story?

If you like it please be so kind to vote and if you love it please share with others I would really appreciate it.