Song: One day it will be all over – Fearless soul

Samantha does end up getting a lawyer after all. My dad talked with her lawyer and instead of going to court for the whole world to know about it we are meeting in a small room with just her and her lawyer and the judge. Of course my dad is my lawyer he wouldn't have it any other way. If we don't come up with some agreement today then it will have to go to a bigger court with a jury and all that shit. Then the whole town, the world I should say will know what happened. This is my story to tell, this is my life and I don't need everyone on the damn planet to know about it.

He tried everything to have me not there today; however the judge requested that I be there to testify my part for myself. So here I am sitting at this table in this small room with my dad. I watch the door open and a man comes in and then Samantha walks in right behind him. The lawyer looks to be a good ten years older than my dad. He has on a black suit with a navy blue buttoned up shirt with a different shade of blue on his tie. He is balding on the top of his head and has he reminds me of one of those funny clowns minus all the makeup. Samantha on the other hand, has a layer of makeup on to cover up all her wrinkles. She is dressed very business like and she even does the whole walk to match giving her this really snobby attitude. Not even a minute later the judge walks in and sits down. He looks around her lawyer's age but has a lot more hair on top. I try not to laugh at his unibrow.

"I have talked to both of the lawyers and I have looked and read all the evidence that Miss Alexander has written about." He looks at my dad and then at the other guy. "So Mr. Larson what is your client hoping to get out of this?"

"She just wants justice sir...she wants charges brought on Miss Alexander for the murder of her husband."

'Murder...yeah I killed the monster...but not because I wanted to because I had too.'

"I understand...however with the evidence that was presented clearly states that Mr. Nelson was molesting Miss Alexander for years and eventually raping her not once but twice."

Samantha bursts out, "That is a lie and we all know it! How could anyone believe her."

"Mrs. Nelson I read what she wrote...there is no way in hell she could lie about that. There are just too many details, dates..."

She interrupts him, "Why would anyone believe her...did they tell you she was doing drugs...screwing boys in school...she is crazy....did they tell you that?"

"Miss Alexander documented every little detail...everything is right here." He holds up the copies of my journals and a part of me is dying all over again. I'm so tired of everyone knowing everything. "I seriously doubt she was lying."

"So you're saying she just gets away with murder?"

"Technically it was self-defense."

"Are you fucking serious....she is a teenager and very well capable of lying...and is very good at it...apparently she has even fool your ass." She storms and I glare back at her because technically I'm over age.

"Mr. Larson if your client insists on being rude and interrupting me I will be glad to have her serve some time in jail."

Mr. Larson whispers something in her ear and she gets quite.

The judge looks over at me. "Coralie...I read the journals...I'm not going to make you talk about all the times he was with you...however can you tell me about that night? Why you chose to kill him when you did?"

I look up at my dad and he nods his head for me to tell the judge. I look at Samantha. I know she will never believe me but if my husband ever did something like that I would want to know. My fingers are starting to go numb, making the numbness go up my arms. I feel like my chest is either going to cave in or just burst altogether. I have tried so hard to hide those memories and here they are surfacing all over again. I swallow hard and I feel that hard lump near the bottom of my throat. I look at the judge and say, "I thought he was going to kill me."

"Why did you think that?"

"I asked for her to take me home." I look over at Samantha. "But he said he would. When we got outside I told him that I would rather walk. I did not want to get in that car with him. I did not want to be alone after what happened the night before. He shattered my ever being and I knew if I was alone with him again he would finish me off. He forced me to get in the car."

"Then can you tell us what happened?"

I try to avoid my dad's eyes. I mean this was the man he thought was his friend. The man who was touching his daughter all this time and never knew it. I know he read the journals but hearing it out loud was different.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. I can feel my eyes filling with tears. I don't want my dad to feel sorry for me. Or anyone for that matter.

"He drove me home, but missed the street that I lived on. We ended up about a mile away surrounded by trees. He said we were alone and that no one could hear us out there. I told him I wanted him to leave me alone...that touching was one thing but I didn't ask for him to do what he did. He said that he wasn't going anywhere and neither was I. I was his and no one would ever want me because he had me first. I got mad and told him that I would never be his and he got pissed off. He got out of the car and jerked me out with him." I look down at my lap and my trembling hands. "He told me to get in the back of the car. I told him no and so he picked me up and threw me in..."

My dad looks over at me and places his hand over mine. "It's ok..."

I wish it was ok...I wish it could be but it's not. "I couldn't fight him off...within seconds he had my jeans off and he pinned me down so that I couldn't move. I started to scream but then it was like I just froze up from the inside out. I thought that this can't be happening to me...not again...I was either going to die right there or start fighting. I don't know what happened it was like I blacked out and I was just not me. I saw something shining nearby so I grabbed it and held it to his throat and within minutes he was falling over on top of me...dying. I killed him...I'm sorry." I look up at my dad and then over to Samantha. "I'm sorry...I should never let any of it happen...I'm sorry."

"Miss Alexander...you should not be sorry for any of this. You did what you had to do to survive."

Samantha rolls her teary eyes. "So it wasn't the first time then?"

"No...it was like the millionth time that he touched me....the second time he actually you know...I told him no but he wouldn't have no for an answer."

"Why should we believe you..." she fumes. "Why not kill him the first time? Why wait until he done it again?"

'I told you this was a mistake.'

'What makes you think anyone would believe you.'

'Tell her....tell her or I just might have to.'

"It's all written down in the journals...maybe you should read it for yourself. I mean it's not like everyone else here hasn't looked at it." I glare at her. "You never knew your husband the way I did."

"Believe me...I know him and he would never do this."

My eyes start to tear up...but I tell myself not to give her the satisfaction to see me weak. I try to be strong and brave and not ask for their help but I'm getting their help anyway.

"Your husband...held your hand after it was all over me and inside of me. Hell he even shook my dad's hand with those hands of his after he touched me." I don't look at my dad because I am staring her down. "You think he came to my house to see my dad?" I stop and laugh. "He would seek me out every freaking time. He had all of you fooled. He enjoyed touching me and once he started he kept coming back for more and more...he threatened me each time to keep my mouth shut."

She huffs again which only pisses me off.

"He done it in the pool house...you want to know why...because he saw me talking to Daniel that night."

My dad looks over at me but doesn't say anything as if he just might be trying to recall that night in his mind.

"All of you were right there. You didn't notice because you are always so blind to your surroundings. I went to the pool house to use the bathroom when I came out he was sitting on the day bed waiting for me. He said that he didn't like that Hispanic kid looking at me...touching what was his. I tried to tell him he was like a brother to me but he said I was lying. Told me to shut the fuck up that no one would ever have me...that I was his. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be held down against your will? Do you have any fucking idea how it feels being ripped into that you just know that you are going to split into...DO YOU!....I do...so don't tell me that I am lying you fucking bitch."

She starts crying and I hear my dad say, "that's enough."

But I don't stop. "You want to know what he was doing while I was taking a shower trying to piece myself back together...kissing you...shaking my dad's hand...you don't want to know the truth."

"Coralie...you don't have..." The judge starts to say but I too ignore him.

"A part of me died that night...the rest was coming the night I killed him. It was either him or me. He took everything away from me and you sit here and have the audacity to accuse me of lying."

"CORALIE..." My dad says again more determined for me to stop.

I glance his way. "Stop calling me that!" I snap.

The judge looks at me. "I'm sorry this happened....no one and I mean no one should ever have to go through that. I'm ruling in favor of Miss Alexander...self-defense. I will hear nothing more on this subject matter. Mrs. Nelson I suggest you go on with your life and not to ever address this any farther...surely you don't want to bring shame on your husband or the family name."

"I...I...." she starts to talk back but he stops her.

"Mrs. Nelson...just stop. You don't want to read every little detail...every encounter of what he did to her...believe me when I tell you that you don't. I am not asking you to drop it...I'm telling you too."