Song: Antidote - Faith Marie

The next day, I walk down to Sarah's office. She greets me with a smile as usual. She is always so happy. I don't see how anyone can always be so freaking happy. I want to be that happy. I use to be that happy before I meet him. A part of me doesn't believe it but I know that there was a time that I was all smiles and happy and I can only hope that one day that I will get that again.

"So...I wasn't expecting that in group therapy. I figured you would talk with me alone before telling everyone." She folds her arms in front of her body. I'm not if she is disappointed in me for talking or if she is happy.

I throw my hands up in the air as I take a seat in front of her. I'm not perfect and I don't know how to even start the conversation with her. I have so much going on inside and honestly I just don't know how to get it out. "I didn't mean too...it just happened."

"Well now that you did how are you feeling?"

I'm not sure how I am to feel about anything. I glance up and at her with no emotion. "Blank...I don't know...how am I supposed to feel?"

"I don't know. Maybe relieved because it's finally out there in the open. It's off your shoulders a little."

I roll my eyes back at her. "Off my shoulders...no it will always be there." I sigh letting out the air very slowly. "I couldn't tell them....my parents or my brother. I couldn't tell them because I was ashamed. I knew it was wrong and I continued to let it happen. I knew they would never forgive me for letting it happen you know."

"Coralie, they already know what happened...they read it all in your journals. I think they just want to hear it from you."

I nod my head. "I know they did...that night I saw the hurt in their eyes. I begged him not to read it, but he made me give the journal to him. I have never seen my father cry. That night he had been crying before I even came home. He was so upset and furious with me. I guess I would be too...I mean finding out your daughter is addicted to drugs, sleeping around to get her fix like the school slut and to beat it all screwing around with his best friend...I guess I would be upset too. I don't think I can just tell them."

"Coralie...it's not like you did all this on purpose."

"Did I not!" I shoot back at her. "No one made me take the pills...no one made me make out with guys just so I could get high. Hell maybe it was all me messing around with Derrick instead of the other way around...maybe I provoked him into liking me, letting him take advantage of me. Either way does it even matter?"

"Coralie he was a grown adult; he knew what he was doing and it's not ok. What happened you should never have happened."

I get really quite and look around the room. She has family pictures hanging on the wall, along with drawings and paintings from patients. I am so done being here in the place. I am so done keeping everything hidden inside of me. I'm not sure she will understand or anyone for that matter but there is so much going on inside my head that I feel like I am going to explode at even given moment. I remember her asking me when I first got here about why I thought I was here and I know it's because of them in my head and I know it's because I tried to end it all. I take a deep breath. "You want to know why I took the bottle of pills that night."

I look at her and she looks back at me waiting for me to answer. She slowly nods her head yes and she gives me her full attention. I know she will never understand but I guess now is a good time as any.

"I figured it was my only way out. I was ashamed of everything that I had done. That night my brother's friend showed me pictures of me in Tyler's bed, naked. God, Carter and Daniel should have never, ever seen me that way. I was so pissed off at everyone...myself mostly. I don't remember even being with him but there I was in his bed naked with him. The whole time I was looking at the pictures I thought how in the hell did I get there? How did I let it get that far that I couldn't even remember being there? All I thought about was Carter looking at these pictures and thinking that can't be my little sister and Daniel thinking the same thing. Hell the whole school seen them. I was so pissed off so I left and went to confront Tyler and guess what I end up in his room all over again."

"What happened?"

I close my eyes and try to think back to that night. I remember being so pissed off; I wanted to slap the hell out of him and hurt him as much as he hurt me. I shrug and open my eyes casting them on the floor. "He talked me into sniffing something called 'Special K'. I remember doing it...I did it...he didn't force me. I wanted to make everything go away. I don't know what happened. Everything went dark around me and it was like I was there but I wasn't there. When I woke up I was in the car with Carter."

She continues to look at me with great concern. "Coralie do you know what 'Special K' is? It's considered a date rape drug. Tyler knew what he was giving you...he used you."

I shrug and fold my arms up against my waist. "Either way...whatever happened...happened. When I got home my parents were pissed off, majorly pissed. They freaking destroyed my room. Oh you should have seen everything scattered all of the floor, all my personal things as well, things that I share with no one. I know they were looking for drugs and they did find my little stash but they also found one of my journals in the process."

"So they knew before you even got home?"

I slowly nod. "Most of it. They knew I had another journal but they couldn't find it. So my dad made me get it. I pulled it off the shelf but I remember holding onto it so tightly for dear life. I knew the moment I handed it over nothing would ever be the same. The look he gave me and the way he yelled at me, my father had never reacted that way. He forced me to hand it over and so I did."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know...they left it was like he couldn't read it with me in the same room. It was my story to tell, my whole life was written in that journal. I panicked. I remember searching for paper and something to write with. I don't even know why I bothered writing out a note but I did. I wanted them to know that I was sorry for everything and I opened up the bottle of pills without even looking at how many were inside. I just thought this was the end and I would never have to face looking at them again. I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in their eyes. So I downed the bottle of pills. I just wanted to die in that moment. However, I woke up in the hospital thinking just great that didn't work. And now I will have to deal with all the consequences. I'm not their perfect little girl they thought they had. I will never be that girl ever again, she is long gone."

"I think you should try talking to your parents? I think they would understand; they really care about you."

I shake my head, seriously she just doesn't understand. Does she not get that I am not their little girl anymore. I sigh again, "I know they care. I know they love me. I just don't know if I can admit to everything that I did, I don't see how they would ever be able to forgive me."