Song: Beautifully Broken- Plumb

I'm back in this room, four walls, no windows, the only way out is through the nurse who is watching over me like I'm a prisoner. If they only knew that I was actually a prisoner in my own skin. I'm on the verge of losing it but Cora keeps me in check. She helps me hold everything together. She has always kept it together when I couldn't.

Cora eased her way into my life. It wasn't until the touching got more physical and I couldn't take his rough hands against my skin any longer. His hands touching me in places where he shouldn't be touching me. She is the one who talked me through it, telling me that everything would be alright. She told me to let go and she would take over. So on those nights I faded away and Cora took over. I didn't realize that she would like the feeling so much and before I could do anything she was talking me into everything to ease the pain. It was her who wanted the alcohol, her that wanted the pills and when the boys came along she thrived off the feeling. She loved being loved and it didn't matter how she got it as long as she did. But she couldn't stop Derrick from hurting me.

That's why Willow came along. Willow is beyond my control. When she comes along she takes over my whole entire body and pushes me way off to the side. When she has control it's like I can't even recall what even happens. I would be lying if I said that she didn't scare me but she does because when she is around I have no control of anything.

I'm thinking about her now only because Sarah was asking her so many questions. I barely notice the night nurse, Marie, in the room until she starts talking to me. "Would you like to eat in the cafeteria tonight...might it would be nice to get out of the room for a while?"

They have been bringing me food to my room the past day or two. Detox kicked my ass and has me off on what day it even is. I don't even know how long I have been here. Today I'm just here. I feel so tired and drained, like my body just won't get up and go, as if it's being held down by a ton of rocks making me so heavy that I can't move. And I know I'm not heavy, if anything I have lost more weight being in here.

"Come on...you got to get up and move." She nudges me. I know she is right.

I don't have the energy to pick a fight with her. I get up and slide my feet into the so called crocs and I walk down to the cafeteria by her side. It takes me forever to get there because I am walking so slowly but she stays with me instead of walking ahead of me. She hands me a tray to hold. I thought I was going to grab my own food as well however she starts fixing me things to eat, piling it on my plate. I don't complain about what all she puts on it but I'm not sure I won't eat half of it anyway. I follow her to a table on the far side of the room and set the plate down in front of me. I just sit there looking at the pile of food thinking there is no way that I am going to eat all of this.

She nudges the plate at me. "Coralie you have to eat something."

I look up at her and she is trying so hard to be nice to me. So I pick up the fork, dipping it into the potatoes and then force myself to take a bite. They are bland as can be. They could use some salt and pepper and heck even some kind of flavor of any kind would help at this point. I chew slowly and try hard just to swallow it down. She keeps looking at me, so I take another bite.

This girl comes over to the table and plops down beside Marie. She is really pretty with red curls and her eyes sparkle green. She has her arms covered, so I assume she's a cutter. She looks at me with a smile but I can see behind those green eyes of hers that she is truly sad deep inside. She is like me and puts on a good show when she wants too. I wonder if she also has other voices in her head but I won't dare ask her that.

"Hi Marie...who is the new girl?" she asks her as she fidgets with the end of her sleeve. I watch as her fingers play with the material.

"This is Coralie...Coralie this is Zoey." She introduces us with a smile.

She suddenly seems a little chipper and she smiles back at me. "Hi Coralie...it's nice to meet you." She throws her hand up in a small wave with her arm super close to her body, a quick wave for only me to notice.

I just look at her. I'm not here to make friends. I'm just her long enough to get cleaned then I'm going home.

I hoped that she would get up and leave but she stays to talk with Marie. Within those fifteen minutes I feel like I know everything about her. And before we get up to leave she reaches over and hugs me. "We have all been there...you know where you are now. When you're ready we will be here okay...we all help each other. It's the only way." She gives me a super fake smile and I know it is to only show Marie that she is trying to following along to their rules. Maybe if she can be nice to others she gets points or something and gets out of here faster. I may have to start pay attention more to all of these people in here. Maybe they can tell me how to quickly get out of here.

I look around the room at all the others that are stuck in this place like me. Some are in their own world talking to themselves and some are actually talking to others. I can tell that several are on medication because they are so zoned out. I wish I could be on some of that just so that I don't have to deal with everything else going on. However I am denied any medication because my father things I am fine the way I am. If he only knew what was really going on inside of me.

I take another bite and push the plate away from me, only eating less than half of what Marie had put on the plate. I can feel my stomach cramping already from filling full. I know it's because I really haven't been eating that much lately. Marie shakes her hands and points over to the bin. I get up to take the tray over and dump the rest in the trash and then set the try on the rack. I turn and she is there right behind me. It's like she is my little shadow.

On the way back Marie tells me, "You will probably see her again in group therapy. Coralie it's alright to talk to others you will see...they all help each other out."

"I'm not really here to be making friends. It's not like I plan on being here that long."

"Maybe not but you will see...they are some nice people here that will listen if you need them. They all help each other cope."

"No offense Marie but I don't need anyone to help me and I'm sure no one here will ever need my help."

"I see...well you should think about it. Having friends in a place like this will help you get through everything."

"Yeah...well I'm not here to make friends." I roll my eyes and don't say anything else about it as I sit on the bed and slide out of the crocs. I scoot to the middle of the bed and lay back, placing the covers over me. Marie sits in the chair by the door waiting on me to fall asleep.

I fall asleep that night thinking of my friends back at home. Well the friends I had, not sure if they still are or not at this point. It's just that I was not that nice to half of them, especially when Cora was around. I wonder what they are doing. I wonder what they are saying about me at school in the halls and the classroom. Do any of them think about me at all? When I get back, I wonder if they will still want to be friends with the crazy girl.