Song: I can't breath- Bea Miller

I hear him tell Carter to leave the room. "Carter we need to talk with your sister...go on up to your room."

"Dad..." he starts to protest but he cuts him off quickly.

"Carter go!" he raises his voice and even I jump a little.

I watch my brother leave me there with them. I wish he would just stay but I know he will follow orders being the good son that he is. I hate that he is getting yelled at. This is all my fault. I can barely sit on the couch. I still feel out of it from the stuff Tyler gave me. Every time I open my eyes to look around my vision blurs and I see two of my father standing in front of me. I keep nodding off and if they don't get on with it I may just crash right here.

"What the hell is this shit?" He holds up the little pills in my face, his voice very angry with me. I have seen him upset several times at me lately but this is way more than being upset, he was angrily pissed off at me. I went behind his back. I have been lying for weeks and not just about one thing. I have created a mess of lies and why stop them now.

I blink a few times and try to come up with more lies. "Daddy it's just candy...here I will show you." I barely get out slurring over my own words. I try to reach out for them but he jerks them out of my reach. I should have known that he would never let me get my hands on that bag. Hell he will send it off and get it tested and then he will know for sure what they are.

"Stop Coralie. I know what they are. Do you think I'm that stupid?" He glares down at me and if I wasn't so messed up right now I would be frightened of him. I would be crying and trying to figure out how to get out of this but what is the point really.

Instead I smirk and a little giggle escapes my mouth, "Then why are you asking me then." I use the back of my hand to wipe my nose because it feels like its running but it's not. I feel so dizzy; I just need to lie down. I start to lean back and he pulls me back into sitting.

I look over and I see my mom crying. She looks down at the table and I see my journal laying there exposed for them to read. Then it dawns on me, they have read it and that is why she is crying. I wonder what all they have read, die they read it all or just parts of it.

"What the hell were you doing in my room?" I snap. That is my private area and they have no right to be in my room snooping through my stuff. She had to dig deep for that. Shit...what else did they find. I swallow hard as I inhale.

My dad picks up my journal and throws it hard on the table, making it pop open to a page. "Is this shit true?" he asks. I don't need to look up at him to realize that he has read every single word of it.

I don't say a word. I try so hard to close my eyes and force all of this to be a dream...this can't be happening. They always said your room was your safe place. They never had a reason to explore our bedrooms. I can't remember the last time either had been in there other than to check on me.

"Coralie god dammit is this shit true and don't fucking lie to me?" He raises his voice and even cursed, why he is mad. I feel like he is prosecuting me like I am on the stands in front of the jury. He has all the evidence what more does he need. Everything is all out in the open.

My eyes cast over the journal and I don't know if I can come up with any other lies at this point. I swallow hard. I slowly look up at him. "Yes...is that what you want to hear...yes it's all fucking true...ok." I used his word right back at him as my eyes swell with tears.

The room gets really quiet. So quiet that I almost thought that maybe this was all a dream and I am still at Tyler's, that the drugs were really kicking in. I thought maybe I was tripping but this was not a dream.

His voice breaks the silence. He tones it down a few notches, "Where is the other one...we know you have another one...where is it?"

I don't say anything.

He comes closer to me putting his hands on my upper arms and he shakes the hell out of me. My dad has never laid a hand on me and I can't hold it any longer the tears come and I cry out. "I want to see it...you go up to your room and you get it now."

I shake my head no, as more tears stream down my face.

He jerks me hard in his grasp, "NOW! Don't make me ask again." I have never seen him this outraged about something in my whole life. Cora is already bursting out and I can feel the darker me wanting to come out to protect me. I try to tell her to stay back. This is my dad, my family and even if he does sound really pissed off, he won't actually hurt me.

I look over at my mom and she is also waiting impatiently and she taps her foot on the wood floor with both her hands on her hips. I wish Carter would come back down to help but I know that is not going to happen. I get up from the couch and fall over. I feel his hands come around me as he has to help me stand back up. Matter of fact he walks me to my room, helping me all the way up the steps.

When I get to the door, it looks like a tornado came right through it, ripping my whole room apart. I can't believe they didn't find the other one. I keep looking over at it and I so don't want tem to have it. They both stand there and wait for me. I reluctantly walk over and I pull it out of the shelf; it's wrapped in a different book cover. I learned this years ago from some show on TV, where you take an old book cover and wrap it around a different book to hide it. I'm not sure why I never did the first journal that way. Maybe I was hoping that one day they would find it. They would know part of my story but never the rest; the rest lies within the second journal. I hold it tightly to my body; I so don't want them to see it.

He orders for me to give it to him. "Give it here."

"Daddy please...." I start crying again as I hold it tightly in my hands.

He holds out his hand and stares at me without saying a word.

"Daddy...please you don't need to read this." I shake my head. I know that the moment they read this my whole life will never be the same. They will find out things that will not only change my life but our whole family.

"Coralie!" He says harshly and I suddenly feel weak. I felt like I had no other choice than to do what I was told to do. He wants to know what is going on with me, then he will have to live with it.

I hand it to him. I try so hard not to look up in his eyes.

"Stay here...I just can't do this right now."

I made the mistake looking up at him. I see it in his eyes he is ashamed of his little girl. He can't believe the things that she has done. I will no longer be his little girl after he read it.

I watch them walk back to their room and I can hear them talking behind the closed door. I can feel my whole world crumbling around me. I shut my door and pull out a piece of paper. My hand writing is so freaking sloppy but I write it all out anyway. Cora and Willow help me out, telling me this is the only way.

Mom & Dad,

I'm not you're perfect little girl. I'm broken...I'm messed up. No one can fix this...fix me. I'm sorry. I just can't live this way anymore.

I pull out a bottle of pills. They were in my backpack in a hidden pocket so maybe that is why they missed them when they were going through everything. I look into the mirror at the girl looking back. It's the girl who killed Derrick. But I also see the girl that likes to play with Harley and Tyler. They tell me to do it. No one will care. No one will believe me anyway. You are broken, damaged, you will never be their little girl.

I take off the cap and don't even bother taking the pills out instead I tip it over and down the whole bottle, falling to the floor. I wait for it all to take over my soul, take me far away from here. I close my eyes and wait as I drift off to sleep.