The Characters of Clayton, Rya, Kennedy, Dallas, and the Valentines belong to Rachelle. The character of Cora is expanded on with Permission from Rachelle, and is written for the pleasure of the International Wildflower Pack, the WhiskeyQueenn fandom. #WildflowersUnited #iwp     

::Thank you Rachelle for letting us trespass in your world::

Midlife Crisis vs Midwife Crisis

I felt like I was having a midlife crisis, I was questioning everything I believed about myself, about my duty, about the Moon Goddess. Why would she pair me with a mate who was incapable of understanding who I was? A mate that I could barely understand? 

He hated the idea of duty to other wolves while I lived for it. I loved him and he hated me, or at least that is all I felt through the bond. He confused me and worse, he confused me about who I was, he made me doubt myself. I hated it.

Charlie and Alexa drove me home the next day. We had eaten a late dinner with Max, it was a welcome distraction. Max was laughing as he recounted all the times over the past several months Alexa and Charlie had tried to hide they were mates. He had known for 6 months because a certain little sister may or may not have called and discussed it with him because he already knew. We had a good laugh at their reactions. I even got a picture to show their offspring. Charlie told me he hated me, then hugged me. Max offered to kick Mark's ass since I was pregnant, I laughed and declined. It was late when they dropped me off and headed to Vanguard. I was alone in my house, staring at the dishes in the sink. The whole house was mussed, compulsively I began to clean it.

As I did dishes the phone rang, Miles was calling to check on me. He was very upset with his brother. I could hear angry voices in the background. I didn't need to ask to know one was Mark. I could feel his rage, burning like lava through the bond, even through the great distance between us. The next morning Matthew called to check on me and Corina. Evidently Matthias had ordered Mark to return to me and he had refused, demanding I be forced to come there. They had fought and Mark was now being punished for defying the Alpha, aka his father's wolf, and it had dragged Mark in his wolf out into the wilderness by the scruff. His wolf would return to us in a heartbeat, it was his skin that was the problem. Matt promised that whatever I needed I would get, they understood my reasons for staying in Adams, especially with Rya's pending return. Matthew would be a good Alpha, he understood duty to other wolves.

That afternoon, I returned to work and finished preparing the kitchen's for my leave. Luna Catherine stopped to tell me that they were bringing Rya back. There were no midwives available from our allies, since most of them had relied on Gretchen to midwife for them at great cost to them and benefit to us. Rya would return to a half dozen pregnant wolves, 2 of whom belonged to the Smith pack, we had gone to school with them. At home alone, with two weeks left until her return, I found I couldn't be still. My nursery den was mostly ready, so I cleaned out Gretchen's home in preparation for Rya's arrival. 

At night I couldn't sleep, I longed for my mate the way I imagine a drug addict longs for a fix. Mark had taken all of his clothing with him, except the things he left at Coraline's and the shirt I kept in a ziplock bag in my desk drawer. Every night I sat in his recliner and covered myself with his scent and talked on the phone to one of his brothers or mine. Matt or Miles would call and talk to me for hours late at night. I learned more about the workings and history of Big Sky than in all my time with Mark. I knew that they hoped someday I would come there and be their Luna, but Mark did not want to be Alpha... ever. 

I could feel Mark's unhappiness, his anger, and resentment that I would not break my promises, and his jealousy when I was talking to Matt or Miles. But he never called me and never accepted the phone when it was offered. I learned that Matt was looking for his second chance mate, his had died in the attack that took their mother, as they believed had Miles' future mate. Both elder brothers faced a lifetime alone until they reached the Moon unless She blessed them. Their family had lost so much that day, but each one of them struggled to move ahead. Except my mate, after what Mark had seen and done, he choose to flee his pain rather than face it. Matt told me Miles had got him to admit his truth. Mark was afraid I would die if Rya delivered our daughter, he feared the Alpha Command would be too much for me. He could not accept that I had fought it for as long as I had and not gone insane or died. He did not believe I was strong enough, and that hurt me and angered my wolf more than anything else. Our mate thought we were weak. 

~

I called Matt to let him know when my first appointment with Rya was and that Corina had dropped. Dr Valentine was not happy about her lack of movement or my mate's absence and had called Big Sky. He had chewed out Mark and accused him of being a bad mate. The loss of his own pregnant mate made handling my condition difficult for him. He had the same worry as Mark, but Gretchen had assured him I would be fine and unlike my mate, the doctor believed her. Late the next evening, I heard the sound of diesel engines. I opened the front door to be mauled by Blessing. I calmed my wolf as the spastic 18 year old groped my belly and told me how beautiful I looked and groped me some more. Then she forced Mark, Miles, and Matthew to carry in boxes of gifts from the females of Big Sky. 

Luna Catherine had forced Kennedy to throw me a baby shower. She had spent most of the time staring longingly at my bump. Honestly, Clayton had talked to me more that afternoon than she had. I had gotten some nice gifts but it was nothing like this. 

Blessing had decided Corina's room was to be decorated in butterflies and butterflies we got! Beautifully made quilts with matching curtains and shams, latch hooked rugs, a hand-carved wooden butterfly and crochet flower mobile that turned and played music from Matthias and Grandma Hannah, and enough butterfly embroidered, appliqued, and printed dresses to last Corina until she was two. Mark put together the crib without a word, but Miles told me, they had spent the last two weeks working on it. Matt showed me the rocking cradle that had been in their family for generations. Corina's name was the 22nd name added. Then they set their mother's rocking chair in the corner, wrapped me in a butterfly crochet shawl from Hannah before making me sit in it. Our daughter's room was beautiful. I was overwhelmed to the point of tears.

It was well into the early hours after midnight before I settled Blessing into the guest room and Matt and Miles into Charlie's old room. When I came downstairs, Mark was laying on the couch, ignoring me as he had all evening. His bag, which I had placed in our bedroom, defiantly sat on the coffee table. I inhaled his scent for a few moments then went to bed. I got angry when I discovered he had removed his shirts from my pillows. As I lay in bed thinking about confronting him, there was a scratch and a whine at the bedroom door. 

Mark's tawny wolf pawed the door open and jumped on the bed. He rubbed against me and especially my baby belly. Corina went crazy inside, it felt like she was dancing, showing off for her father's wolf. He leaned against us as I ran my fingers through his soft fur and inhaled his scent. I could feel Mark asleep. He had no idea the boon his wolf was giving me. I half-smiled thinking about how grumpy he would be come morning, and at the same time, my heart broke a little more.

"Thank you," I whispered into his ruff as I hugged the giant beast, my tears wetting his pelt. 

He licked them away gently, then laid with his head over my belly, giving a low rumbling growl of discontentment. He was as unhappy with his human as I was, but I understood in a way, as much as wolves were ruled by their instincts, some humans were ruled by their fears. And first thing Monday morning, we were making the first step into the unknown and Mark's fears. 

Would I be strong enough to survive giving birth and fighting the Alpha command in the presence of the person I to whom forbidden to speak? 

My wolf said yes and Mark's wolf agreed. I laid back and fell asleep, running my fingers over his massive head and kneading his ears. At least, his wolf loved me and was proud of me.

~

Mark had gotten so mad when he woke up in my bed, he had stormed out, cursing loudly. Matt had laughed at him. Miles teased him that his wolf had more sense than he did, and if he didn't want his beautiful, well-round mate that big brother would gladly take her off his hands. Mark had gone ballistic and Blessing had to calm him before pointing out that he was the one being a jerk, not Matt or Miles. Mark had blown up about his whole family being against him and then shifted to go for a run. But before his wolf ran toward the running trails, it had licked me and the bump, only to make Mark more livid. For the next hour, he had ranted as he ran, about how unfair it all was that I had even turned his wolf against him. 

Finally, as I sat in tears on the nursery floor while Blessing painted butterflies on the wall, she had screamed at him through the family link to shut up and leave me alone, it was all his fault. To cheer me up, she told me the stories of the floozies. Evidently her brothers were the targets of half the single she-wolves in the west. The things these females did were unbelievable, and desperately sad in some cases. I had never imagined doing any of the things she described just to get the attention of a male who wasn't interested. She was snorting and laughing when she described the one that had climbed in the window, and stripped naked to wait in Matthew's bed, but had ended up in their grandmother's room by mistake. Luna Hannah had dragged her out by the ear and tossed her naked in the yard, ordering her to walk back to town in her skin. I had to laugh with Blessing, I was mortified for the poor she-wolf, but Blessing's laughter was contagious. Maybe the west wasn't so different after all.

Mark had returned late in the afternoon with Alpha Clayton. While the alpha males got to know each other and talked about the differences between the two packs, I finished stuffed ziti while Blessing made and dressed a salad from my garden.

I was the first to bed and now I was the first awake. I was up hours before dawn. So I started cooking, Mark's wolf laid on the floor, watching me, whining and pleading with me to come back to bed. I couldn't, in my mind I kept going through what I would say to Rya. Finally, I crawled back into bed as the sun was rising. I woke again with Mark next to me, his arms protectively over my bump. I was surprised that he was watching me sleep.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" he asked in a tired tone.

"Why do you?" I asked back.

"Because seeing her could kill you," he answered gruffly, "And I don't want you to die."

"I won't," I shrugged.

"But you might," he countered.

"Mark, I don't know what kind of weak mate you think you have, but that isn't me. Gretchen said I would be fine, that it would be double the pain of a normal labor, but I could handle it. Why can't you believe that? Why can't you believe that as long as we are together, we can do even this?" I say exasperated, throwing off the covers to get up, but he holds me against him. 

In his eyes, I can see all his fears, through the bond I can feel how much he hates having them, hates the uncertainty and helplessness all males feel when their mate is in danger. I snuggle into his shoulder inhaling his scent, while he unconsciously rubbed circles on my belly with his thumb.

"Please Mark, I need you. I'm afraid too, I need your help. I can't do this alone," I begged.

"Alright, darlin' but as soon as that female is settled in, we are going home, to my home," He demanded.

"As soon as Rya finds a mate, we'll go to Big Sky, I promise." I vowed.

He made a disgruntled sound and rolled out of bed. "I'll make you some breakfast," he growled.

I smiled up at him, "I already did."

In the kitchen, my warmers were filled with Crepes, waffles, and biscuits, gravy, eggs, and breakfast meats of every kind. Miles was happily munching away on everything, as Blessing scooped warm peach-boysenberry compote and chilled whipped cream over waffles.

"Hey little brother, it's about time you dragged your sorry carcass out of bed. It looks like the breakfast fairy exploded in here," Matt laughed, dishing himself another plateful. They had barely made a dent in the amount I had cooked, I would need to go to the grocery. I was too used to cooking for the pack.

Blessing giggled around a mouthful, mumbling something none of us understood. I smiled at them, it felt good to feed my family. I felt Corina push down, I had the sudden sharp pain of a contraction. I took a few deep slow breaths until it passed, and they all stared at me with momentary panic.

"It's nothing, she is just stretching. She's tired of her waterbed when there's a whole world waiting for her to explore," I reassured them, then I grinned at Mark, "Maybe she'll come early and your wolf can lay by her bed, instead of crowding me out of mine."

Matt and Miles laughed, Blessing giggled, but Mark did not look amused. Two hours later, we were sitting outside the clinic. I was excited about talking to Ryar for the first time in six years, but the familiar burn of the Alpha Command warmed my bones. When I climbed out of the truck at the clinic, I could smell her and oddly I could smell Clayton too. I pivoted looking into the trees, but did not see him.

Mark came to my side, and took my arm. "I am not happy about seeing her or that doctor," he growled.

"Mark, Dr Valentine apologized for what happened, I accepted it, you can too." I snapped.

He hrumphed, "Fine. Let's go in."

~

I said nothing as we drove the short way back to the house. I went straight to our bedroom and laid down, then I cried. I know Mark thought it was the command, but it was a far deeper pain. When Rya recognized me, I saw the pain of my betrayal flash in her eyes, then nothing. I had made a joke about being nervous, she had laughed saying 'if you'd seen one, you'd seen them all.' She was very professional. She had said she was okay twice and that it was all a long time ago, but I knew she was lying. Rya had never been able to lie to me, she was not fine, she had not moved on with her life and most of all, she was not over her rejection. I could smell her sadness, a bittersweet addition to her scent when she hugged me, rubbing her cheek against mine. Inside, she was still dying, leaving hadn't healed her, as I had hoped. I feared it had only delayed the inevitable. My heart shattered. I fell asleep with every regret I had felt since that night reminding me of how much I had failed that night. I dreamed of the emptiness I had seen in her silvery eyes, of her birthday and punishment. I dreamed she faded away like a ghost.

I woke to a sharp pain, a contraction so hard I could not breath. The sun was just setting, I knew I had to hold out as long as possible. I breathed as Gretchen had taught me. She had warned me, double the pain. Mark on one side and Matt or Miles on the other as I walked between the contractions with Blessing counting and timing between. I cursed Alpha Adams with everything I was after the second hour. It was going to be a long night. Maybe Mark was right, maybe I wasn't strong enough for this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9.2018 - CLAYTON is published!!!

Clayton (The Wildflower Series) by Rachelle Mills https://www.amazon.com/dp/164034487X/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_S8sbDbB084P46 via @amazon

2.2019- DALLAS is published!!!

Dallas (The Wildflower Series Book 2) by Rachelle Mills https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MXRVB7M/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_o9sbDbPFY61NH via @amazon
Find them on Amazon

::Thank you to Rachelle for allowing this CLAYTON Fanfiction to be published.:: 

If you are reading this on a site that is not Wattpad, it has been taken

and published without my permission.