Full chapter boiissss

Taeyong stifled a snort to himself as he pressed the ''post'' button on his Instagram page. Maybe it wasn't worthy to be the last post he would make, but so be it. Those normies better appreciate that he even bothered to post a meme on this day.

Taeyong skipped school today. He didn't skip school to go and vandalize property, nor to terrorise anybody. Not to stay home and binge watch his favorite shows, which he seems to never find himself to enjoy anymore, nor to sleep in. He wasn't skipping school for fun.

Today he planned to end his 'worthless' live.

Taeyong dreaded even the idea of going to school anymore. He was greeted with slurs filled with profanity and hatred. It wasn't only Ten, Lucas, WinWin, and Jungwoo ruining his life anymore, but it was as if the entire school was against him. Even those who didn't hurt him, such as Doyoung and Jaehyun, seemed to add more to his suffering since they didn't try to make him feel better either. Not once did they attempt to stop his bullies. No one did.

As for Mark, he was never around when the bullies striked. And when Mark was around, the bullies seemed to back off. Mark is like my guardian angel. He'll understand why I'm doing this, Taeyong thought, though he knew that the living meme wouldn't. Just like his parents, Mark will be confused and deeply saddened by his best friend's sudden death, but at this point Taeyong didn't have it in him anymore to put aside his own feelings so he could make others feel better.

But Taeyong couldn't get it out of his head that Mark is his only friend. The thought warped around his brain, distorting anything else from making any sense. Mark was the only person who cares deeply about him, at least that's what he thought. Sure, his parents exist, but they're not in the least bit informed of what is happening, and sadly, Taeyong doesn't have the guts to tell his parents about his problems.

He's too scared to even tell his parents how he feels. Deep down he knows they'll understand and help him, but at the same time he was too scared of change. Of course, he wanted things to be different, but at what costs? His bullies would be expelled obviously, but surely they'll go after him if they are, right? He didn't want to take any chances. Any risks. He also simply didn't want to deal with them, period.

He was simply just too frightened.

To talk. To smile. To live.

Why doesn't he just change schools? How could he do so without letting his parents know that he is suffering every second that he lives. When school comes to mind, all he could think about are the vulgar insults snapped at him by his tormentors and the occasional punches thrown his way. God by his side, he could count on the fact that he would slip up and end up leaving a hint that he is no longer happy in this world to his parents if he even tried mentioning about transferring schools. But not just changing schools, it also meant replacing his old reputation for a fresher one, one that wasn't ruined for no apparent reason.

But no matter how much he dreamed, his cowardness wouldn't let him have the goals he wanted. So he decided to take the easier route.

End his life.

He stayed home to work on his suicide letter.

Taeyong felt guilty of the fact that his beloved parents would come home to discover his limp, abused body in the bathtub, blood gushing out from between his wrists; because hanging yourself was simply too overused. Either way, this was something he felt he had to do considering the fact there was no light to shine him towards a different path. Taeyong couldn't scratch this out of is head; maybe there was someone who could show him the correct direction even in the dark, yet if they did exist, they came too late. Maybe that person themselves got lost, or maybe that person just wanted to find happiness on their own.

Sitting down on a leather chair in front of his oak desk, Taeyong hastily ripped off a page from his English notebook. He wouldn't be needing it anymore, so it doesn't matter if one measly page was missing. It's as if all the things his teacher had struggled to teach him doesn't matter anymore. Goodbye sloppy notes. Goodbye life.

 Luckily, Taeyong hasn't forgotten how to correctly write a letter, so he proceeds to write the date on the top right corner with a near inkless black pen. Here comes the difficult part though. Having to start off the letter. Of course, he just has to address whoever the letter is for, but he isn't sure who his last words written should be given to. The people that made him hate his life? The two wonderful people who made his childhood fantastic and happy, but couldn't do the same for his teenagehood, or to the one person who actually tried to convince him that he is beautiful inside and out, even when his body was adorned with purple marks and his brain was full with despicable thoughts? Or should I just make seperate letters for everyone?

Fuck it.

''Dear everyone who bothers to read this,''

Better something than nothing.

Taeyong proceeded to write sentences that even now, he wasn't aware that crept inside his brain. Sometimes he felt that the words were too brutal, and would only add devastating blows to those who would already be suffering thanks to the loss of Lee Tae Yong, so he kept erasing and rewriting. Erasing and rewriting. Eras- Oh shit, I ripped the damn fucking paper.

The boy sighed and wrinkled the failed letter in between his hands, tossing it aside as he yanked another page from his black notebook.

Attempt #2

Damn it, I spelled it wrong. I should use a fucking pencil instead of a pen... but I don't see one. Oh well.

Attempt #3

The flustered male read a couple of sentences he just wrote.

''I deeply apologize to those who are suffering because of what I decided to do today, but please understand that what I was feeling is way worse than you can ever imagine. You could have kept telling me that I'm the most precious human being you had ever met, and I would still feel as if I was floating in a void, with insults being spat at me, insults that I couldn't dodge.''

Taeyong groaned in agony, ripping the paper in half. He has never seen a suicide letter before, he has no clue what the fuck he has to write. Does he just write what it was that made him so miserable he believed there was nothing else he could do, or does he apologize for ending his own life, one that was already destroyed and beyond repair? Fill it with jokes and irony, or take it seriously? Use metaphors, or get straight to the point?

He would never have expected he would cry due to this, but Taeyong released so many tears he had been holding inside. The stress to choose the perfect last words was too much. Hell, even deciding what he wanted to eat today if he decided to live another day would be an option too stressful for him to decide.

I'm worthless, I can't even fucking write a damn suicide letter. I should kill myself for being so damn useless to myself. I'm a disgrace. I can't even make damn sense to myself in my own thoughts.

That god forsaken tone rang across the room, distracting him from his troubled thoughts and startling him as it crashed against his ears. Someone must have sent him something to make his life more difficult. How kind of them. 

There it was again.

And again.

Taeyong slammed the black pen against his desk, and rushed over to his phone which has been resting on his nightstand. Throwing himself on his bed, he wrapped himself with his warm, fuzzy blankets, and turned on his phone only to find the exact opposite of what he was expecting.

''urmomgay liked your post''

''urmomgay liked your post''

Normally, the brunette would be interested in such a matter, but he didn't have time right now to check up on such nonsense, since looking at what memes 'urmomgay' liked would lead to another thing, and somehow he would end up looking at my lps parodies. It wouldn't be the first time, so Taeyong decided to put his phone down. His glance reverted to his desk with paper balls sprawled around on the top, with some littering the floor near his chair. This was hopeless.

Taeyong threw his blankets to the floor as he scooped up the wasted paper and went outside to throw all of them in the garbage dumpster outside, since he didn't want to risk one of his parents finding the disregarded suicide notes for no apparent reason in the trash.

As he came back inside, his curiosity got the best of him as he turned on his screen to reveal the notifications he missed.

''urmomgay liked your post'' 69x

Holy shit, someone must be obsessed with my memes.

Taeyong didn't think it was too big of a deal though, since every few eons random people with nothing better to do would somehow find his memes and spam him with hearts he could only ever dream of receiving in real life. But as that notification was gone, the next one popped up.

''urmomgay: hey''