Chapter 43: Parental Wisdom
I S L A
The next morning, I prepare myself for my reunion with the kids. Jason promised me that he'd tell them, that he'd explain it to them gently, that he'd make sure they'd remain in the house, no matter how hard that might be.
The last time I spoke to them, I was twelve. The memory is hazy, almost forbidden. But that wasn't the last time I saw them. I was enrolled at Jamie's school, but after the incident in which Jason kicked me out, Tracey and Michael switched me.
It was from then on that I had to completely abode to their treatments. I had to act like their daughter, I had to give one hundred percent at my counselling meetings, I had to become Isla. Only then, was I allowed to attend Barrymore High--the same school in which the twins were seniors. I kept myself discreet from their presence, hiding behind corners or lockers, terrified that if they recognized me they'd tell their father. I studied them. I kept on track with their boyfriends, friends and class schedules. I was always watching, I was always there if they needed me. But they never did.
And then one cloudy day, I was sat on the bleachers, slightly falling asleep from the tiredness of being someone I'm not. I heard a slight cry from behind me and I turned to see Jessie sat several seats up with tears streaming down her face. She looked right at me for a moment, but she didn't recognize me. It was only three years prior that she had let me into her house, let me be alone with her brother so we could watch a film. Had I changed that much?
"Sorry," she sniffled. "Just ignore me."
I couldn't do that. I was compelled to stand, to shuffle upon the rows of seats until I was next to her, until her dampened aura was entwined with mine.
"It's okay," I said. "I could use some company also."
She smiled, her lips trembled as she stared out at the small stadium. "Why is it so hard?"
"I don't. . . know," I swallowed. "Depends what it is."
"I can't get anything right!" she yelped out dramatically, she leaned back, crossing her arms. "Everyone's picking colleges, or fancy schools and goading about their straight-A's like they're fucking Einsteins. And what do I have? I have nothing. No future, no ambitions, no grades. Nothing."
"That's not true," I said, a little more offended than I should have been. "You must be good at something."
"Like what? Getting dumped?" she laughed. "Yeah, that'll get me into a good college."
"He dumped you?" I gasped.
She gazed at me sideways, narrowing her eyes a little. "What?"
"What?"
She stared into my eyes, making me stiffen. "Do I know you? You look familiar."
"I have a familiar face," I nodded. "Must be that."
"Right. Anyway, I better go. Thanks for listening."
"You didn't really say much." I whispered under my breath.
She sadly began walking up the steps to the top, and I gazed after her with a sting in my chest. It killed me not being able to confess every part of my love for her, not being able to hold her, console her, give her my full parental wisdom.
And after five years, I'm certain that she'll understand that. That they all will.
But what if they can't?
+ + +
I count my footsteps from the driveway to the door, holding inside so much anxiety that it's impossible to suppress it. I go to knock, but my fist pauses in mid air as a thousand nervous thoughts run through my head. I flatten my hand down my blue jeans, rubbing my thigh over and over as I clench my teeth.
Don't think, just do it.
I bounce in my spot, panicked and mad at myself. But I do it. I knock, several times, then I jump backwards and I glare at the floor.
There's a long pause and it doesn't help my nerves. I make random expressions at the ground, twirling my mouth into different positions of moods. I think I go through around a hundred of them until finally, the door opens.
Jason stands in the doorway, and his instant smile tells me that I didn't imagine yesterday. It was real. He captures my fear with his eyes, blowing it out into the air. I take a deep breath, swaying before him with my own smile that I wear difficulty.
Suddenly, gently, his hands fall onto my shoulders and he stirs me backwards into the driveway, closing the door behind him.
"Why do people keep doing this?" I snarl under my breath.
"Hey," he says. "Change of plan."
I meet his eyes angrily. "You didn't tell them."
"Define tell them."
"Jason." I groan.
"I know, I'm sorry," he whispers. "But it's just not a normal thing to say. I mean, how do I just casually drop that into conversation? Oh by the way kids, you remember that kid that used to show up every few years? Well she's actually your dead mother, who wants coffee?"
"I get that it's not easy," I say. "But I was relying on you telling them!"
"Why?" he says, he looks over my face. "What's the rush?"
I scratch my head. "It just has to be now, okay?"
"Okay," he says quietly. "Jessie and Jade are coming back tomorrow for a family meal. We'll tell them then."
"Tomorrow? You promise?"
"I promise," he smiles. "Now get in that car, because I'm taking your cute ass somewhere amazing."
I bite on my lip, falling to his demand. "Yes, sir."
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