I bang on the twins' door hard like thunder. "Girls, time to get up!"

I wait outside the door, waiting for the groans, but they don't come. I open the door and peek through into their dark, pink room. They're both still asleep in their big girl beds, their mouths are open as they lightly snore.

I watch them for a moment, a smile forming on my face. I see an open book beside Jade's bed on her night stand and I go over to it, taking it in my hands. I read over the title, running a finger along the words: A mother's love.

This was Lily's favorite book to read to them when they were toddlers. It's about a mother fox that searches around the forest for her small cubs that have wandered off. It's a picture book story, which isn't Jade's usual preference. She reads grown-up books now, anything to do with science or space, she's obsessed with space. I had no idea she was still reading this, she kept that a secret.

I take a seat on Jade's bed, and I rub her hair until her tired, brown eyes flutter open. She yawns, blinking at me over and over.

"Dad," she says, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Time to get up for school," I say back quietly. I move my hands upwards to show her the book and she stares at it. "You're still reading this?"

She nods, yawning again. "Mum used to read it to us. I remember because she put on these really bad voices."

I laugh. "Her voices were pretty good, I thought."

She shakes her head with her eyes wide. "No," she laughs. "Do I really have to get up?"

"Yep." I pat her arm and I rise to my feet, putting the picture book back onto her nightstand. I glance over to Jessie at the other side of the bedroom, and she's tossing over, she's awake but she's pretending she isn't.

I walk over to their curtains and I smash them open. The room becomes bright and that makes them groan with their familiar, tired defiance.

"Jessie!" I shout. "Time to get up."

"Go away!"

"Come on, your brother is already eating breakfast."

"I don't care!"

I sigh, meeting Jade's eyes as she sits up against her headboard. She rubs them again, and yawns as she pulls her space-themed duvet over the bed.

"Jessie!" I shout again. "Jade is getting up."

Jessie turns around, her tiny, eight-year-old face steams with anger. "I don't care! I'm not going to school."

Jade is already leaving the bedroom to go to the bathroom, and I fall down at the bottom of Jessie's pink flower bed, as she buries her face into the pillow.

"Oi," I nudge her. "Don't make me drag you out, because I will."

"Do it," she mumbles. "I'll get back in."

"When did you grow up so fast?" I groan. I pull the covers from her and I throw them on the floor, she kicks her little legs against the mattress in retaliation. She's not even a teenager yet so God help me when she is one, because if I have to deal with four years of a teenage version of this, then I might just have to go on medication. "Do I have to get a jug of water?"

She flicks her head up. "Fine, I'll get up."

"Wasn't hard, was it?"

She sits up, rubbing her brown eyes and yawns. "You can go now, I'm up!"

"Watch the attitude," I shout back at her. "Honestly, I don't know where this is coming from. You've got ten minutes to brush your teeth and get dressed."

I cross my arms as she just sits in bed, clicking her tongue across her mouth. "Three," I start counting. "Two, one. Jade!" I shout. "Bring me a jug of wat-"

"Okay," Jessie caves, jumping up. "I'll get ready."

She finally leaves the bedroom and I hear the two of them squabbling in the bathroom over toothbrushes. While they're bickering, I pick Jessie's cover up and I make her bed, then I go over to Jade's and I flatten down hers.

I go into their drawers and I take out some clean clothes, spreading them out over each of their beds. I wander out onto the landing, catching a glimpse of them both brushing their teeth at the sink, nudging each other's shoulders with groans.

"Five minutes!" I shout.

They glare at me and brush faster and then I hear a smash from downstairs. I pick up the pace, running downstairs, I should know better than to leave Jamie alone for too long, that kid drops everything.

I head to the kitchen quickly, where Jamie has managed to drop his bowl of cereal all over the floor, the bowl is smashed to pieces, and the milk has spilled out in a giant puddle.

"Jamie!" I groan.

"Sorry," he giggles, swinging his legs underneath the table. "It was accident."

"Don't move," I say. "Stay there."

I open each cupboard of the kitchen, looking for the dustpan, I can't even remember the last time I saw it. As I throw my hands into every space I can find, I hear one of the girls crying from upstairs and I rub my face in frustration.

"Lily," I tremble out, mumbling into my hands. "I need you."

I take my hands from my face and I see the dustpan right at the back, with the brush attached to it. I squint my eyes in confusion for a second, and then I grab it.

I begin dusting up the broken pieces of the bowl, trying to keep Jamie in his seat as I do it, but he's struggling with my hold, attempting to get down. Now both of the girls are crying, and screaming for me.

"Can I get down now?" Jamie keeps repetitively asking me.

He laughs as I become frustrated with keeping him in his seat. "Stay there!"

"No!" he giggles, shuffling to the other side to try and escape. "No, Daddy."

I manage to get up the last pieces of the bowl and I drop it into the bin, grabbing a towel from the edge of the counter to soak up the milk. Jamie is already out of his seat and running out of the kitchen into the lounge.

I have no energy to stop him. I don't even have the energy to yell at the girls to get down here. Once the floor is clean I pull out a chair from the table and I collapse into it, banging my face onto the glass.

Most mornings consists of this. Since I let Maggie go as their nanny and took on the burden myself, everything has gone wrong. However, thankfully, the restaurant is doing okay again and I can afford a full time supervisor while I do family days out and everything else they've been demanding.

Also, the compensation from the lawsuit against the hospital has been finalized. We won it. Eighty thousand dollars is to be deposited into my account by this time next week. It's taken five years to get a result but it's finally happened. We all have justice, but what exactly does it change? She's still gone.

Once I receive the money I'm going to split it into separate accounts for the kids, so they can go to college and have a future they deserve. The years are passing in a blink of an eye, sometimes I feel like I'm just watching it rather than experiencing it.

And I haven't had any luck with relationships. I've been on a few dates but as soon as I bring up particular subjects I scare them off.

I'm a thirty-three-year-old widowed single father of three that is obviously still hung up on the past, what woman would want to take that on?

None.