Nurse B held my tiny hand in hers.  I could tell she had been crying when she came to get me from the playroom.  It wasn't like my playroom at home, this place was louder and had lots of different toys with missing pieces and it was so bright.  She said it was time to go... time to see mama.  I ran over to the table and grabbed the half folded piece of paper that I drew on, I knew mama was going to love it... she always loved my cards.  She always smiled and said they made her heart happy, but then she would always cry and I didn't know why. 

I listened to my feet echo through the bright white hallway, the click click click reminded me of my tap shoes that I used to wear when I was in dance.  Papa told me I couldn't do dance for a little bit... I kept asking, but he always said a little bit longer... a little bit longer.

Nurse B tapped on the door with her knuckles before we walked into the room.  My papa was there, standing beside mama's new bed and Auntie Julie and Uncle Patrick were there too.  Auntie smiled at me like she always did, but the light in her eyes was gone... they were sad... but then she quickly turned to look outside. There must have been something out there because Uncle Patrick looked with her and I wanted to see too.

"Auntie..." My little voice squeaked.

"Annie," my papa said stepping towards me.

"Papa." I smiled and wrapped my little arms around his leg.  "I made this for mama." I smiled, holding up the card.

"She's going to love it."

I looked at her and saw her eyes were closed.

"Is she sleeping?"

"Yes baby she is resting right now."

"But I want to give her my card.  She has to see it.  I even drew her a pretty flower with purple since it is her favorite color."

"She needs her rest right now."  He picked me up and sat me on the edge of her bed. 

I reached out and gently grabbed her hand, it was colder than usual, but I squeezed it tightly to warm it up.  That's what she used to do when I was cold.  She would wrap me in her arms and squeeze me until I couldn't breathe anymore.... but I couldn't do that to her... she was too big, I chuckled.

"Annie... do you remember how we said that mama is sick?"

"Yea.  You said there were bad guys in her body."

"Ye-"

"And the doctors were helping get rid of the bad guys."

"Yes... but..." He looked at Auntie and Uncle who were watching us. 

Was Auntie cold?  Uncle Patrick was squeezing her. 

"Annie? Did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I said that sometimes the doctor's can't fight all the bad guys... there are just too many of them..."

"It's ok... I can help..I'm five and I am big and strong." I showed him my arms.

My dad put his hand on my cheek and looked at me...

"Why are you crying papa?"

"You have a kind heart just like your mom."

I smiled, proud that he said I was like her.

Her hand moved and made me jump and laugh.  "Mama, you scared me!"

She opened her eyes slowly and her lips moved up a little into a small smile, it was different than the ones I used to see.

"Mama?"

She squeezed my hand but didn't say anything. 

"She can't talk right now love bug..."

"Oh."  I crawled up the bed with my card in hand. 

"Be careful Annie."

"Mama, I made this for you today." I crawled up the bed so I was sitting closer to her face. 

She made a low humming sound.

"I drew a pretty butterfly on it with pink and purple and green and this flower for you."  I felt her hand slowly raise to touch my hand. 

"Annie... we need to let your mother rest."

"No."

I saw mama look at papa. 

"I want to show her my card..." I opened it up and showed her the inside.  "It's says I love you mama... can we get ice cream?" I pointed to the ice cream cones that I drew.  "This one is mine... it is chocolate and purple and pink ice cream and this is yours... it's not as big as mine but that's ok because I can share with you."

She smiled and I saw a small tear pool on her face.

"It's ok mama," I used my little finger to wipe it away.  "I will draw more ice cream for you.  You can have chocolate, purple and pink just like me so we can be same same."

The machines started beeping which scared me. 

"Mama!"

Papa was lifting me off the bed and handing me to Auntie.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at mama, but Auntie turned me away, squeezing me... but I wasn't cold.  I tried to push away from her so I could see mama but she was holding me too tight.

The machines started beeping louder and then the doctors started running in.  I saw Captain Jack... he was the leader of all the doctors that was helping my mama.  But he did not look at me today and he was not smiling.  He ran in and started speaking things... lots of things to the others.  They laid my mama down and where moving quickly around her... but Auntie turned again and then carried me outside. 

"My card!"  I watched as it floated to the floor and laid under her bed.  "My card! My card!"

"We will get it in a minute Annie... the doctors are with your mom right now, we can't be in there."

"My card!"  I worked so hard on it and mama liked it... I knew she did.  I needed to fix it so that she had more ice cream, but she still liked it.

The machines were still beeping loudly and they were still moving around her.  I saw papa standing in the corner with fingers near his mouth.  I wanted to tell him we don't put our fingers in our mouth but he wouldn't be able to hear me.

The machines stopped beeping and papa looked up to mama and then to me and then to the Captain Jack.  He was saying something to him and then they all walked out of the room. 

I tried to wave at Captain Jack but he was talking to the other people and then they all turned around and looked at me.  I waved my hand and smiled, but they did not smile back. 

Auntie took me back into the room and sat me on the bed beside mama.  She was sleeping again.  Papa climbed into bed on the other side of her and pushed me to lay down on mama.  He wrapped his arm around us and we laid there, even though I wasn't tired.  I knew it was what mama would want... she always liked cuddles and I liked cuddles with her.  Auntie Julie stood behind me and Uncle Patrick stood behind papa and they just watched us cuddle.  I could feel mama's chest going up and and down, up and down.  It was my favorite feeling, like the wave's at the beach. 

"You can have pink and purple ice cream too mama..."

I felt her hand squeeze mine and then her chest stopped going up and down.  I waited, but it didn't move, but it was ok... she was happy with her ice cream. 

I saw Nurse B walk into the room and touch the little tv behind papa and it went black.  I felt Auntie's hand on my back rubbing it. 

"Papa... nap time is over.. can we wake mama up now?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me, but didn't say anything.

"Papa?"  I looked at Mama... "Mama...time to get up."  But she did not open her eyes.  "Mama..." I shook her arm, but she didn't move. 

"Annie..." Auntie said.

"Mama..." I said again, louder.  "Time to wake up."

"Come on sweet Angel," Nurse B said to me lifting me off the bed. 

"No.  I want to cuddle with mama... it's time for her to get up.  I have to get us-"

Papa walked over to me out in the hall.  "Annie.  Mama can't wake up anymore."

"Yes she can."

"No baby, she can't."

I peaked into the room.  "Mama." I started to cry.  I saw the card under the bed so I ran over to grab it and laid it beside her hand.  "Here mama." I shook her hand but she didn't wake up. "Mama!" I cried out. Why wasn't she waking up? Nap time was over.

Papa picked me up and held me tightly carrying me out of the room.

"Mama... I want to see Mama!" I was screaming now. "Mama!" Why was he taking me from her? I needed to be with her... I needed to wake her up.

"Mama!"

"Mama!"

"Annie!" I was being shaken. "Wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw my dad looking at me. "Hey dad."

"Are you having your nightmare again?"

"Yes." He handed me a cup of warm tea. "When will they ever stop? It's been eight years since she died..."

He rubbed his hand over my head, "I don't know baby.... I don't know..."

I took a sip of the tea and laid back in bed. It had been eight years, but most night's it felt like yesterday... why wouldn't it stop???

Feeling more relaxed I laid back down.  "I love you mama," I whispered, looking out of the window at the stars and they twinkled back.