Saralee won the previous poll 4-1.

.......................

"Welcome, residents of Strawberryland, to the first event of the Ultimate Supervillain Challenge, the Right Hand Woman Challenge!" I announce to the packed auditorium.

The stage is already divided into two parts, one blue and one red, representing the USC's two contestants. Queen Saralee, my fictional counterpart, sits cross legged on her icy throne, looking quite unperturbed. Leona too maintains a cool facade on the opposite side of the stage in her red armchair, but her nervousness is evident.

"Today is all about the henchmen. We'll have to wait to see a grand faceoff between our two villains themselves. Now, would Selaeyah Valior and Diana Clarke please approach their respective podiums?"

The characters obey, rising from their seats beside their villains and walking up to the two podiums that have been arranged to face each other.

"The first phase of the challenge is the verbal debate. You have ten minutes to make your opponent look like a fool. Ready...set...go!" I declare, pointing at the air and using my author powers to make a gigantic holographic stopwatch appear above the middle of the stage. It begins to count down from ten minutes.

"What am I doing?" Selaeyah rolls her eyes. "Why am I, the Chief of the Scientist Clan, one of the most intelligent Lessaenites in the universe, wasting my valuable time talking to a worthless human as if we're equals?"

"Think before you speak, alien," Diana hisses. "Leona and I are undoubtedly the two smartest people on Earth. You don't want to mess with us, you Donald-Trump-head!"

"Troll Old Stump Head?" Selaeyah sneers. "Is that your human brain's idea of an insult?"

"If you had ears, you'd know I said 'Donald-Trump-head'. Since you're from a thousand years from now, you wouldn't know what Trump is, but all you need to know is that it's one of the most disgusting things in existence."

"Indeed, thing is the correct term," Leona remarks from her chair. "It could never be considered a person."

"STOP!" I yell. "I want these debates to stay fair. Any interference from the villain from this point onward will result in a disqualification."

"Come on, Sara, you can't have a proper villain fight with rules," Queen Saralee groans.

"Yes, we can! I know how the two of you can be, and I don't want this getting too chaotic," I say crossly. "Alright, on with the debate!"

"Okay, I'm going to use an object from your time period to illustrate my point so that you'll be able to better comprehend what I'm saying. See this can?" Selaeyah uses her Aura to conjure an empty Coke can. "The amount of soda in it? That's the amount of brain cells in your head."

"Let me elaborate on that point," Diana begins. "We can all see that there is no soda in that can. And, from your caustic nature and our current competitive situation, we can logically and correctly conclude that you intended by your statement to demean me by proving that I have no brain cells. Therefore, when written in simple, mathematical terms, your insult comes to this." The Vice President of Trumperica walks up to the whiteboard along the back of the stage and begins to write with a dry erase marker.

No soda in can = no brain cells.

"To make this equation a bit more mathematical, let's change the 'no's to negative signs."

She picks up an eraser, changing what she has written.

- soda in can = - brain cells

"As per the rules of arithmetic, we can now multiply the entire equation by negative one, and it will still hold true. Allow me to demonstrate."

-1(- soda in can) = -1(- brain cells)

soda in can = brain cells.

"Now, we have accurately deduced that the amount of soda in the can is equivalent to the number of brain cells I possess. However, nowhere in the equation does it specify which can. I believe you've just got the wrong can," Diana smirks. "Luckily, I stopped by a vending machine on my way to this debate, and can amend that." She pulls an unopened Sprite can out of her purse. "There. Who's the smartest one in the universe now?"

"But what if, due to a one in a million manufacturing error, that can happens to be empty?" Selaeyah muses.

"What are the chances of that?" Diana chuckles.

"Not too bad, actually," Selaeyah walks over to Diana's podium, picking up her can and using her Aura to vaporize the liquid inside. "Pop it open and take a look."

Diana does so, and sure enough, the can is empty. Being a human from the past, she is completely unfamiliar with Auras and the extent of their power, and is left bewildered.

"B-but-"

"Murphy's Law, my friend. That's what you humans call it, yes? If it can happen, it will happen."

"Time!" I call as the clock reaches zero, accompanied by thunderous applause.

............................

Diana (Leona)

OR

Selaeyah (Saralee)