The Galactic Wars: Trump Edition- 1
Hello again, everyone! I'm pretty sure at least some of you know about an account I'm part of, trump_dumpers. For those of you who don't, we're an anti-Trump group dedicated to all things making fun of Donald Trump!
I'm writing a story on that account called Trumperica, which is basically about how Trump became President and ruined the country. I just realized that Trump's real life claims and behavior in the book would fit almost perfectly with an event from the Books of Lessaenes, the Galactic Wars. So, without further ado, I present to you a Books of Lessaenes and Trumperica crossover: The Galactic Wars: Trump Edition!
What would happen if, instead of Drake Liermann, Donald Trump was President of the Human Union during the Galactic Wars?
If you support Trump and/or are easily offended, please stop reading now.
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Saralee's POV
I stared emotionlessly out the window of the Royal warship, watching the blank nothingness of the universe pass by. When I was a little girl, I used to think that if I looked out into space, I'd see stars, planets, and asteroids flying by. The reality of it was an endless expanse that was even emptier and blacker than my soul. A disappointment.
"My Queen," Armetorius tapped me on the shoulder, interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes?"
"We have managed to procure a recording of one of the new Human President's speeches which is...quite amusing," he smirked.
"I have to see this," I grinned, standing up and running into the entertainment capsule, where most of the nobles on the ship were already crowded around the large Aurascreen.
"...I am very rich," Donald Trump smiled, bringing his wrinkled hands up to emphasize his point. The crowd of humans assembled in front of him cheered, throwing flowers and coins at his podium.
"Very rich indeed," I snorted, crossing my legs. If looks could kill, my glare would've melted his idiotic, orange face off. "If someone dumped all your money in the Royal Treasury of Lessaenes, no one would notice the difference!"
"He does have a point," Fenorel shrugged. "I mean, he is extremely rich for a human. Even though his wealth is nothing compared to yours."
"And that is why I'm going to build a wall!" Trump continued, sticking his index finger in the air as if he was presenting a novel idea. "Illegal immigrants from the Lessaenite Empire are flooding into our country! And when Lessaenes sends people here, it isn't sending its best. It's sending criminals, who are taking our jobs and ruining our economy! I'm going to build a great, great wall around Earth, and Lessaenes is going to pay for that wall!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I turned off the Aurascreen with a flick of my hand, fuming with rage. "I'm sorry, Mr. Idiot Trump, who gave you this glorious idea? Building a wall around an entire planet? That wouldn't do anything to stop spaceships! And I'd rather pay for a thousand bags of dirt than your stupid wall!"
"Calm down, Sara," Fenorel said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
"I have met my match, there is indeed something that even my extremely intelligent brain cannot comprehend," I sighed.
"And what is that?"
"The stupidity of Donald Trump."
"Well, of course you can't comprehend that! Its depths are completely unexplored, even by Trump himself!" Armetorius chuckled.
"He's stupid even for a human, and that's saying a lot, because humans are pretty stupid," Airel grinned.
"Your Majesty!" An Ice Guard yelled, popping his head through the doorway.
"Yes?"
"President Trump of the Human Union has arrived!"
"What!?" I stood up, confused. "Just...randomly?"
"Yes! He demands to be let on the ship!"
"Tell him to get lost," I rolled my eyes. "We're at war."
The Ice Guard nodded and disappeared. About a minute later, he was back.
"Trump says he needs to talk to you, Your Majesty. He says it's urgent."
"Ugh, fine," I sighed. "Let the imbecile in."
The Ice Guard yelled something to another member of his unit across the hall, and I heard pompous footsteps echoing outside the capsule. Soon, Trump arrived, stepping coolly through the door. He was followed by four human soldiers, all dressed in black.
"Well...President Trump, this is a surprise," I smiled thinly. Armetorius, Airel and I sat down beside each other at one end of a long, glass table and Trump and his guards seated themselves at the opposite end of the table, as far away from us as possible.
"I apologize for the short notice, Queen Saralee. But then again, why should I? You're an alien, and you're a woman."
"So?" I raised an eyebrow. "If anything, you and I are living proof that women make much better leaders than men."
"You are clearly no match for me when it comes to leading a country," Trump rolled his eyes. "Have you ever built a great, great wall? No! But I have built five since I came to power! I'm about to build another one, and you're about to pay for it."
"Rulers only build physical walls when they lack the intelligence to build mental ones. I have built thousands of walls in people's minds, setting their limits and defining their thoughts without them even knowing it! And why would I ever pay for your wall?"
"We're getting off topic," Trump sighed. "I haven't even told you why I decided to come here. I was going to ask you how much you're willing to pay for the wall. I'm thinking I'll need at least a small loan of a million dollars. I'm not sure how much that is in duvats, I'm not that great at math."
"It's two hundred eighty two thousand four hundred eighty five duvats and eighty eight deccen," I said calmly. "Enough to buy you a comfortable home in a Lessaenite suburb. What makes you think I'd give you that much money for your useless wall?"
"My wall is not useless, thank you very much!" Trump snarled. "It will protect my planet from you and your kind!"
"Think about it," I said, trying to reason with him even though I knew it would probably be useless. "So many of your people would suffer and possibly even die building that wall, and for what? It would just be a pointless band circling your planet, and would do nothing to keep us out."
"Why should I care if a bunch of humans die?" Trump snorted.
I smiled knowingly, he had just confirmed a long held theory of mine. "I know you're not human," I said bluntly.
"I know I'm not human too," he grinned.
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Well, what did you think of this first installment? Stay tuned, there will probably be at least one more!
OliviaBinfield Here it is! I included your idea about Trump being an alien. What do you think?
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