I knew something was wrong the last time I did laundry. The load smelled like fish, and so I did it again in hopes of ridding the stretch. When that too didn't work, I brought my laundry to the laundromat.

After I returned home, I decided to inspect my machine situation before calling a plumber. My heart stopped cold when I entered the cellar and saw a human head sticking out of the machine! We met eyes... and it blinked!

I stood there, frozen at the bottom of the stairs. My mouth opened multiple times but no words came out. For a minute, we stared at each other. Then she spoke.

"What are you doing down here?" Her voice was gargle-y, like marbles were caught in her throat. She spoke in a series of clicks and whistles, yet I still understood her.

Feeling a little braver, I replied "What are you doing in my washing machine?"

"What are you doing washing your clothes in my home?"

"This is my home!"

The human shook her head. "Nuh-uh, I've lived in these pipes for years. I'm the Pipes Siren."

All my fears washed away and I started laughing. "You can actually fit in the pipes in this house?" I ask. From what I could see, her head, much less her broad shoulders, could fit in the pipes. "Very funny, are you that next door neighbor I haven't met yet?"

I could see I touched a nerve on the Pipe Siren. She rose up, showing off her seashell bra. "Listen lady, I've been living here for three hundred years. Don't get on my bad side if you want to live."

"This house hasn't been built for three hundred years..."

"Well... it's still very old!!"

This had to be a trick. I walked to the washing machine despite the siren's protests and peeked in. To my surprise, there was actually a mermaid tail in my washing machine!! The machine also reeked of fish. Are pipe sirens actually real? I ask her.

The siren reached down and bopped my nose. "I'll show you the pipes. Then you decide."

"I'd rather not. I know how dirty my laundry can be." I said slowly. I pulled my head out too quickly and banged it on the washing machine. The siren cackled and leaned back as though she was in a bathtub. "Well this is just an ode to joy..." I grumbled, massaging my head.

"Tell you what," said the siren. "You let me live here and I'll keep your pipes clean."

"Can I still do my laundry?"

"Do you know how dizzy I get when you do your laundry?"

I agreed to let the siren stay where she was. I went upstairs and immediately began browsing the computer for new washing machines. Then I called the realtor.

"Hi there, I think I have a problem with my pipes. Yes, there's a pipe siren. Wait, that's the normal in this neighbor hood? Well, why didn't anyone tell me?"
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