I kept glancing over at Rachel as she sat with the other girls on the couch.  My mom had left to go have some eggnog at Billy's. And I was glad they had become friends because she was upset when my stepfather had decided to stay in Tacoma instead of joining her in La Push.

I rolled my eyes as the girls giggled loudly.  They were excitedly making wedding plans and trying to persuade her about what colors to choose.  Rachel caught me staring at her and she smiled brightly at me. I crooked my finger at her and I laughed as she tore herself away from our family and friends.

"You're already letting him boss you around, Rachel," Kim teased.

I shot Kim a dirty look as Rachel met me in the center of the living room.  I smirked as I produced a sprig of mistletoe from behind my back and dangled it over her head.  "Now you gotta kiss me," I breathed as my lips descended upon hers.

"Get a room!" Jared howled as I deepened the kiss.  I was more than ready for everyone to leave so I could show my fiancèe just how happy I was that she said yes.  

I laughed as I broke off the kiss.  "I have a room, Jared. But I can't use it until you fuckers leave!"

"I heard that, Paul!" Rebecca huffed as she stood and crossed the room. 

"He's kidding," Rachel replied, rolling her eyes.

"No, I'm not," I argued, touching her necklace and ring, reminding her that I wanted to see her in those two things and nothing else.  I wagged my eyebrows at her and she giggled softly. 

"You need to be good," she scolded as she wiggled out of my grasp. 

As she started to see our last guests to the door, I grabbed her by her waist and pulled her close to me.  "If I'm bad, will you spank me?" I breathed into her ear.

"Dude, that's gross," Jacob shuddered as marched to the front door.

"Stop eavesdropping, brother-in-law!" I called as he shook his head.  

"You're terrible!" she scoffed as she finally broke free from me.

Jared sauntered over to me and smiled brightly.  "Congrats, brother. You finally got the girl!"

I shook his hand vigorously and walked him to the door.  "Thanks, man. I still can't believe she said yes!"

"Of course she did," he laughed.  "You're Paul Mother Fuckin' Lahote! She never had a chance."

I threw my head back and chuckled as we reached the front porch.  "I still had my doubts, ya know? She's really too damn good for me," I lamented as I spied her hugging Selena and Rebecca.

"Yeah, but...is there anything better than having your imprint love you back?" Jared asked wistfully as he gazed at Kim.

"Nothing's better than that," I agreed.

I watched as Jared trotted off to join Kim and Jacob, while Embry drove with Rebecca and Selena in his car.  Rachel climbed the porch to join me and we both waved as everyone honked and made their way over to the Clearwaters' house for dinner.  "Why is my little sister going with Becca and Embry?"

Rachel turned to face me and slid her arms around my waist. "Because my twin sensed that maybe we needed some alone time, so she said she would take her now and meet us there later."

I pushed my hands up Rachel's arms and buried my fingers in her hair.  "Some alone time sounds amazing," I moaned playfully. "How much time do we have?"

"An hour?" she mused, biting her lower lip.

"Oh hell yes!" I declared, scooping her up and placing her over my shoulder as I carried her inside and shut the door with my foot.  She laughed as I carried her all the way to the bedroom and dumped her in the center of our bed. "I've been waiting all day for this," I murmured as I crawled toward her.

Neither one of wasted any time stripping our clothes off and as soon as I had slipped Rachel's bra off her shoulders, my mouth went right to her nipple, sending her head back into the pillow.  I hovered over her, sliding my hand under her ass as my mouth continued to tease the hardened points of her breasts.

"Paul, please," she whimpered as I positioned myself outside her inviting warmth.  The smell of her arousal had my head swimming and I was already so achingly hard for her. 

"Please what?" I teased, glancing up at Rachel with her nipple still trapped between my teeth. I flicked my tongue over it once and heard her gasp.

"I want you," she murmured as she raised her head slowly and I could see her desire for me in that hooded gaze.  "Baby, please."

I released her nipple from my mouth and leaned up to catch her lips instead. I entered her swiftly as she moaned loudly into my open mouth.  "Fuck," I cursed, loving how warm and wet she was for me.

My eyes rolled back a bit as I lifted my head and pressed into her as far as I could go.  "You were ready for this," I gasped, thrusting deeper as I pulled her legs over my shoulders.

She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.  "I got so turned on thinking about us getting married," she admitted.  "And thinking about our wedding night."

I squeezed her thighs tightly as I sped up my thrusts.  "I don't know what I would have done if you had said no," I whimpered, feeling her clench all around me.

"Harder, Paul.  I'm almost there," she begged breathlessly.

I leaned over her, pulling her thighs around my waist as I ground down tightly, knowing I was causing enough friction on her clit because her legs began to shake and her hands made fists in the sheets.  "That's it, baby," I coaxed.

And when she reached for my face and pulled me into a rough kiss, we climaxed together, a heaving mess of sweaty, shuddering bodies. I kissed her hungrily, lapping at her mouth and forcing my tongue under hers.  We stayed locked together, so wrapped up in each other and marveling at how perfectly we were made for one another.

I rolled away from her, just to pull her right back to my chest and bury my nose in her thick, silky head of hair.  "I love you, soon-to-be Mrs. Lahote," I mumbled dreamily.

Rachel tipped her head back and smiled at me.  "We both have to finish school first," she reminded me bossily.

I groaned and pulled her back to rest on my chest.  I sighed when I thought about going back to school and the possible complications that could arise from Rachel student teaching there.  I had to find a way to talk to her about the rumors she may hear about me. I finally had my girl and I'd be damned if I'd let anything keep us apart now. 

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

I complained all the way to Sue and Harry's house because I really, really hated getting out of bed with Rachel to go there.  I wanted to spend every possible minute I could with Rachel before we had to go back to school and pretend we weren't a couple. 

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," I commented, pulling on Rachel's arm before we walked up to the door.

"Why not?"

"What about Leah?" I asked before the door was yanked open and Seth stood before us, motioning for us to come inside.  Seth smiled warmly and I noticed the way he now towered over Rachel when he hugged her. He had to have grown at least 8 inches since I saw him a year ago.  Hell, he's only 14. Seth took our coats and hung them in the hall closet.

"That sister of yours is pretty cute," Seth commented as he smiled at Selena from across the room.  "You think she'd go out with me?" he asked hopefully.

I scowled at Seth and shrugged.  "She's too young to date," I growled.  

Seth held his hands up in defeat.  "Okay, chill, dude. I just thought I'd ask."  He shook his head and made a beeline back to where Selena was standing.

Rachel elbowed me and gave me a pointed look.  "She's smiling at him, Paul. Don't be such a Scrooge."

I guided Rachel close to the tree and leaned down to whisper in her ear.  "Do you see how Seth has grown? You know what that could mean?" She nodded and I continued.  "I want more for my sister than this crazy life we have."

Selena laughed at something Seth said and then I saw him lean down and whisper in her ear.  She gasped and shoved him playfully while I rolled my eyes. "Maybe I should break that up."

"Don't," Rachel scoffed.  "Look how happy she is."

I scowled as I continued to watch them interact.  I knew Seth was a good kid and under normal circumstances, I would be thrilled if I knew he liked my sister.  But what if he phased? I didn't want Selena to have to deal with the wolf life. I was trying to shield her from our world as much as I possibly could.

"Why do you look so nervous, Paul?  They're just kids," Leah observed as she stepped up behind Rachel and I, wrapping an arm around us both.  

"I don't wanna fight with you, Leah."

"No fights.  I came over to apologize to both of you."

We both listened as Leah explained how upset she had been last Spring when Sam had dumped her.  Leah reiterated to Rachel that nothing had ever happened between her and I. When Leah told Rachel how she had hoped to make Sam jealous and that I had never wanted to be part of that plan, Rachel understood.  And surprisingly, Rachel accepted her apology pretty easily and they even hugged. It made me relieved to know that we could all still be friends since the Clearwaters were like family to us.

After Leah walked away, I went back to watching Seth and Selena.  Rachel poked me and I looked down to see her playfully scowling at me.  "Stop worrying. It's Christmas, Paul. Can't you just be happy?"

I scowled back at her, but I had to laugh when she reached for my face and tried to make me smile with her fingers.  "I'm happy with you," I sighed as I lowered my head and brushed my nose against hers.

I pushed my fingers through her hair and smiled when her breath hitched.  She lifted her lips to meet mine as I felt a tug on my shirt. My head jerked quickly, as my face, no doubt conveyed extreme frustration.  "What?" I growled lowly.

Selena tried to stifle a giggle.  "Sorry! I just had a question."

"Now?" I complained, turning my attention back to Rachel's waiting lips.

"Is there ever a good time with you two?" she sassed.

I pressed my forehead to Rachel's and sighed as the two girls laughed.  "I guess not."

Rachel and I both turned to face my sister as I kept a grip on my fiancée when I noticed that her sister was trying to steal her away.  "What can I do for you, Sel?"

I felt Rachel's hand slide under my shirt and her nails drag over my lower back.  Fuck, I like that. Selena glanced nervously back at Seth and pressed her lips together in an effort to stop smiling.  "Well I was just wondering…"

"No, you can't.  You're too young to date him."

Selena's brow furrowed in confusion and then she laughed, loudly.  "You actually think you have a say in who I go out with?" she asked incredulously.

Rachel was snickering, so I pinched her side playfully.  "Isn't that what you came over here to ask me?"

"No," she laughed again.  "You're not my dad! I have a dad."

"But he's not here right now and my mom let's you get away with too much.  So I'm putting my foot down. No dating until you're 16," I demanded with authority.

She shook her head and continued to laugh.  "Anyway...I wanted to ask if I could stay a few days?  Mom said it's okay with her if it's okay with you."

I raised my head to see a nervous Seth approaching with a cup of punch for Selena.  "How's it going?" he asked happily as he handed her the cup. His normal bubbliness was exaggerated times ten and when he brushed Selena's wavy auburn hair over her shoulder and gently held a lock between his fingers, I growled.

"Everything's great," Selena beamed  completely oblivious to my growling.

"I think Paul was just about to agree to letting Selena spend part of her Christmas break with us," Rachel announced as I scowled.  

"I didn't…" I began as Selena and Seth ran off to tell my mom.  I turned to face Rachel but any coherent thought left my mind when she raked her nails over my lower back again and she peered up at me innocently.  

"What were you saying?" she murmured as she tipped her head back and licked her lips.

I sighed deeply, knowing that I would agree to just about anything if that meant Rachel would keep touching me.  But it didn't mean I had to like it. "You know this is bullshit, right?" I grumbled as she grinned triumphantly.  

"Just kiss me, Paul."

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

I hated to admit it, but I really did like having Selena around.  Of course, that meant Seth was always nearby too. But it was okay because I knew he wouldn't try anything under my watchful eye.

I had told Sam about Seth's growth spurt so this was a good opportunity to keep an eye on the kid and see how close to shifting he really was.  Selena had really flipped for the kid and I was coming around to them being friends. Well, until I caught them kissing on the couch.

Seth got a stern talking to and Selena's punishment was the sheer embarrassment of me catching them.  It looked pretty innocent, but I still wanted to protect her. 

On our next day off, Rachel and I drove Selena back to Tacoma and I had to fight Seth on going with us.  There was somewhere I wanted to take Rachel and I didn't want Seth tagging along.

"Aren't we going home?" Rachel asked as she lazily raised her head from my shoulder. 

"Not yet," I teased, reaching over to squeeze her thigh.  "I wanna take you somewhere first."

"I'm not really dressed to go anywhere special," Rachel announced as we found a parking space.

"You always look beautiful," I insisted, leaning over to kiss the top of her head.

"Paul…"

I parked the car and walked around to open her door.  She sat in the car and looked up at the sign. "Why are we here?"

"Well," I began as I reached for her hand.  "I'm hungry, it's dinnertime, and I like this place."

"Okay," she replied hesitantly.

"Are you ready for our first date?" I beamed.

She blinked quickly.  "We've had dates before...haven't we?"

"We really haven't," I insisted.  "You and I have done this thing all backwards, baby.  We lived together, then had sex, then got engaged and now we're going on our first real date."

"I really like this place," Rachel announced after she had tasted her food.

"Some of my mom's family is from Mexico and I've been there a few times.  The food here is the closest I've ever found to real authentic Mexican food.  It's good, right?" I asked, nodding to her plate. 

"The best I've ever tasted," she practically moaned.

I nodded and sucked in a deep breath.  I poked around at my food with my fork.  The truth was that my stomach was so tied in knots that I wasn't sure I could eat.  I glanced over at Rachel and hated myself for what I had to say.

"I wanted to talk to you about what to expect when you start student teaching next week."

She nodded, still enjoying her food.  "I know all about hormonal boys and I realize you're not happy we have to conceal our relationship but I'm pretty certain we will survive, Paul."

"That's not what I meant."

She finally looked up at me with concern.  "Then what did you mean?"

"You're gonna hear things about me...things I've done in the past...my sexual history.  It's high school, right? Everyone gossips," I offered weakly.  

Rachel took a deep breath and pushed her plate away.  "I have a feeling I'm not gonna like this."

"At this time last year, we were just getting back together.  But before that, we hadn't spoken since before Thanksgiving. I was in a bad place with you telling me I should be with other people and there were no guarantees of when you coming home anytime soon.  So I went off the deep end a little."

Rachel clenched her jaw and sighed.  "And?"

"I told you about Candy?  That we had messed around?  But she wasn't the only one.  There were others."

"You said you never slept with anyone after you met me.  Was that a lie?" she gasped.

"No! That was the truth," I replied quickly, reaching for her hand but she wouldn't accept my touch.  "I told you I couldn't perform with Candy and the same thing happened with anyone else I tried to be with."

Rachel just squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head so I continued.  "Instead of realizing that I didn't want to be with anyone else, I kept hooking up with these girls.  I didn't sleep with them and instead of just walking away when I couldn't get aroused, I'd get them off so that I could keep up my reputation.  I know it was stupid and now I have no idea why I did it. I was just so miserable without you."

"You wanted to punish me," she replied, her voice breaking.

"I don't know what I wanted other than to get over you.  I never wanted to hurt you, Rachel. You have to believe me."

Rachel scoffed.  "You only brought me here because it's a public place and you thought I wouldn't make a scene," she accused,  sniffling back tears. "You could have just as easily humiliated me at home, you know?"

"Rachel…" I sighed as she pushed my hands away.  "I'm so sorry I didn't say anything before. I never wanted you to know how awful I was then."

"Don't you think I should have heard all this before you asked me to marry you?" she demanded as she began twisting at her ring.

My heart sank as I realized she could break off the engagement and leave me.  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just had to tell you so you wouldn't be shocked if you heard people talk at school.  Please don't take your ring off, Rachel. I can't lose you."

"I'm ready to go," she whispered as she stood and walked out.

After paying the bill, I chased her into the parking lot and wrapped her up in my arms when I got close enough.  "I'm an idiot," I breathed into her hair as I held her tightly from behind. "Please forgive me."

She was shaking, crying too hard to form any words.  I picked her up and carried her to my car, watching helplessly as she scrambled away from me the moment she got inside.  "Just take me home," she sniffled as I got inside and tried to reach for her.

We drove home in silence and I vowed that if I could find a way to earn back her trust, I'd never lose it again.  But for now, she wouldn't even look at me. Who could blame her? I could barely stand the sight of myself in the rearview mirror as I backed out of the parking spot.  I just hurt the one person I claimed to love and I couldn't imagine being able to live if she decided to walk away from me. How the hell am I gonna fix this?

….

A/N: do you hate me now?