The moment I woke up and didn't feel Paul next to me, I panicked.  I checked the clock and wondered if I was too late. I stumbled into the living room and smelled coffee coming from the kitchen.  I sneaked up on Paul and gave him a hug from behind.

He hummed as he turned in my arms and gave me and even tighter hug in return. "Did I wake you up?"

I playfully punched his gut and scowled.  "No...but you should have."

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and chuckled.  "But my baby looked so tired," he murmured into my hair.  He pulled away and looked down on me smiling. "You look really sexy this morning."

I pushed my hair away from my face and shook my head. "I'm a mess."

He gripped my chin in his hand, licked his lips and smiled wider.  "Still sexy."

And before I could argue again, he captured my lips with his. I melted against him and felt him pulling me closer with both hands.  I hated tearing myself away from him, knowing this would be our last kiss, for quite a while. 

When Paul pulled back, he pressed his forehead to mine and sighed, "Don't cry."  His fingers wiped my tears away and I held him close to me.

"I don't want you to leave," I admitted quietly. 

He kissed the top of my head and nodded.  "Me either."

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

Paul insisted I go back to bed when he left.  I tossed and turned for hours, hating how my bed felt without him.  I finally got up and started my day, my mind never leaving my thoughts of Paul.  He didn't call when he got home but I assumed he had to get to work. By the time I got to work, he still hadn't called and I was worried.

Work was boring.  I kept remembering the last time I was here and how Paul had surprised me.  We were dead and Kira was wrapping up silverware into paper napkins. I jumped when I heard the phone ring.

"Zeek's Pizza.  This is Rachel. May I take your order?"

I listened for a voice on the other end and I was about to hang up when I heard, "Hi."

I inhaled sharply at the sound of his voice. "Paul?"

He chuckled.  "Do you deliver to La Push?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and replied, "Anything for you."

He laughed again.  "Wow. You must have really enjoyed what I did to you last night."

I felt the tingles just thinking about it.  He continued to talk dirty to me but all I could do was listen and get even more turned on.  After we ended the call, I started thinking about Paul's birthday and what I could do to make it really special for him.  Then I got an idea that I knew I'd need Kira's help with.

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

"Hello? Who the fuck is this?" I heard Jared's voice answer when I called Paul's house on his birthday.

The music was blasting and I doubted he could even hear me.  "It's Rachel, dickhead! Where's the birthday boy?"

"Rachel? Oh hey!  Yeah, Paul's real busy right now."

"I don't really care, Jared.  Lemme talk to him...now!"

"Geez, you're grouchy. Hold on…"

I heard Jared call for Paul and then Paul's voice finally.  "Hey, baby. How are you?"

I sighed when I heard how happy his voice sounded.  "Hey there, big boy. Happy birthday to you."

I could practically hear his smile through the phone. "Thank you. And here I was hoping you'd show up on my doorstep."

"Oh, I wish.  But I got something almost as good for you."

"Oh yeah?" he perked up. "And what would that be?"

My plan was for Jacob to deliver his card since I knew Paul had zero patience and would open it immediately if it had been sent to his house. I asked him to find Jacob and get the card from him.

When he got my card, he offered to open it in front of everyone and I freaked. "No, no, no!  Don't do that, Paul...please."

I could hear him ripping the manila envelope that I sent it in.  The one that said, Private! For Paul's Eyes Only! all over it.

I swear, I'm gonna kill him.

"Paul, this really isn't a good idea," I warned.

"Oh, fuck…"

A few seconds later, I could hear a door shut, furniture scraping the floor and the music muffled.  I assumed he went to his room and all I could do was wait. The anticipation was unbearable. I listened to his breathing speed up and then he finally spoke.

"Who the fuck took these pictures?"

"Umm...Kira did," I replied nervously.  "You don't like them?"

"Are you kidding me?" he answered quickly. 

"I'm sorry...I just thought that…you'd like it," I sputtered nervously and on the verge of tears.

"Rachel…"

I sniffled.  "What?"

He exhaled loudly and I waited for his reply.  "You are so fucking beautiful."

My whole body tingled when he said that.  "So you like them?"

He chuckled lightly.  "I love them."

I smiled to myself and cheered on the inside.  "Oh, I'm so glad," I gushed. "I was afraid you were mad at me."

Paul hummed. "Mad, no?  Turned on? Hell yes."

"Good," I growled, finally able to relax.

"Paul! Get back out here!  You can phone fuck Rachel later!"

I laughed when I heard Jared yelling through the door.  I didn't really want Paul to see those pictures of me with a house full of people, but I just couldn't wait any longer.

It had been a week since I asked Kira to take some sexy pictures of me in lingerie.  It made me nervous as hell getting the pictures taken and even more nervous convincing myself to send them. Kira had access to a dark room so her and I had been the only ones to see them up until now.  She convinced me they were hot and Paul would love them. But I was still anxious.

She had helped me doll up with makeup and I had curled my hair, piling it on top of my head in a sexy, loose bun.  I even wore heels. I had 4 different outfits and about a dozen photos for him to enjoy for his birthday. I modeled the see-through teddy that Paul had seen the day he had helped me move into my apartment. And I was wearing it now.

"Rachel?"

"Yeah?" I replied breathlessly.

"What are you wearing?"

I'm sure he could hear the hitch in my breath at his not-so-innocent question.  "I'm wearing one of the outfits from those pictures. Wanna guess which one?"

"Please say it's the black one," he answered quickly.

I chuckled softly.  "Good guess, birthday boy."

"And what are you doing right now?" he murmured, his voice thick with desire.

I paused to lick my lips and I imagined him.  "I'm on my bed, in that black little number you like, and…"

"And?" he echoed anxiously.

"And...I'm waiting for you to tell me what to do."

"Oh yes," he hissed.  "The first thing you can do...is get those panties off.  Cuz you won't be needing them."

I hummed and squeezed my eyes shut.  I let the phone rest on my shoulder as I slid out of my panties. "Done," I breathed.  "Now what?"

I could hear him licking his lips and I smiled.  "You know those little elastic straps...the ones holding up your stockings?  Pull 'em. I wanna hear them snap against your skin."

My breathing sped up as I complied with his demand.  I whimpered when the stretchy material smacked my thighs and left behind a tingly sensation. "Paul…"

"Mmm that's it.  Now I wanna know how wet you are."  He paused and I heard a soft moan. "And don't take too long because these pictures...are doing all sorts of bad things to me."

I inhaled sharply and told him what He wanted to hear.  Neither one of us took very long to get there. Thinking about Paul touching himself was doing all sorts of bad things to me too.  Now if only I had some sexy pictures of him to look at, too.

As soon as we both stopped quaking, I asked Paul a serious question.  "Did anyone see those pictures, Paul?"

"No! And no one ever will," he promised. 

"You swear?"

"Yes, baby. Do you think I want any of my friends knowing what a little freak you are?"

I scoffed.  "A freak? If I'm a freak, then what does that make you?"

He laughed. "I'm a freak, too.  That's why we're so good together.  But, Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"One of these days, I'm gonna let you be in charge of me.  Do you think you can handle that?"

The thought of calling the shots just thrilled me.  I hummed dreamily and nodded. "Oh yeah. And I'll be ready for that."

Paul laughed too.  That warm, rich laugh of his washed over me and made me feel so content.  "I miss you," he blurted. "I miss you so much."

I gasped. "Me too.  I hate it."

"I should probably get back to my guests.   There's no telling what those party animals are doing to my house."

I told Paul goodbye and wished him a happy birthday one more time.  I hated that I couldn't be with him with his birthday, but I tried to take comfort in the fact that this would be the last time we would ever have to spend his birthday apart. 

~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

The months passed by quickly.  But unfortunately, time was not our friend.  The longer Paul and I were apart, the more we fought.  As winter ended and Spring began, I heard from Paul less and less.  He kept our phone calls short or hung up on me when we got into a fight.  I hated the distance between us. It was my fault, but it was tearing us apart. 

In April, after another call to Paul had gone unanswered, I called home to speak to Jacob.  I just needed to talk to someone. 

"Hello?"

I looked down at the phone, utterly confused. "Embry, is that you?"

Embry chuckled.  "Yeah, it's me, Rachel.  How are you?"

"Oh fine. I just wanted to talk to Jake.  Is here there?"

"He's out in the garage. Do you want me to go get him?"

"No...it's nothing important.  I can call back another time."

There was a pause and then I heard, "Are you okay?"

I considered lying.  I tried to bottle it in.  I told him how Paul and I had been fighting and how I barely heard from him anymore.  And honestly, I wasn't even sure if we were a couple anymore.

Embry listened patiently.  He was a good listener. I figured he would use this opportunity to tell me, 'I told you so.'  After all, he had called it over New Year's. He told me then that Paul would hurt me and he was right.

After I went on and on about my problems, I asked Embry about his life.  I wanted to know how things were going with Kristen and school. He told me that nothing ever happened with Kristen, besides that initial New Year's kiss.  I didn't ask why, because I already had a feeling.  

And as if he could read my mind, Embry said, "I'm sorry for the way I acted over at Sue's on New Year's Day.  I don't know what came over me."

I thought back to Embry's fingers on my knee under the table and how he held me when I washed the dishes.  I finally asked him, "Was all that my fault? Did I somehow mislead you into thinking I wanted something more from you then just friendship?"

"No, Rachel.  It wasn't your fault."  He paused to take a deep breath and then continued.  "I've liked you for a long time. When Paul came along, I resented him getting the shot with you that I thought I deserved.  It's stupid. I know you never looked at me that way."

"Embry…"

"It's okay, Rachel," he replied, the sadness gone from his voice.  "I guess I had bottled all that up and when everything happened at that party, I lost it on Paul.  I didn't think he treated you right and I still don't. And then I kinda made that pass at you, forcing you to say you loved him.  It was hard to hear, but I guess I needed to hear it."

"Paul is hard to deal with, but so am I."

Embry chuckled.  "Listen to you defend him. Why?  He's hurt you again."

"I just feel something for him that I can't explain.  It's never made sense, but somehow I just can't shake that feeling."

Embry sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. "Should I talk to him for you?  I can tell him how much he's hurting you…"

"No!" I insisted.  "He would be so mad if he knew I had talked to you about this."

Embry growled.  "This is what I'm talking about.  You're afraid of him. Can't you have guy friends?"

"I'm not afraid," I challenged.  "And you are my friend, that's why I don't want him messing with you."

"While I appreciate your concern, Rachel.  I really can take care of myself," he insisted.

"With your toothpick arms?" I teased.  "I doubt it."

He scoffed and we both laughed.  It felt good to laugh with him. And yeah, I felt guilty.  I didn't want to hurt Embry and being friends with him would most certainly upset Paul.  But I enjoyed talking to him and was surprised at how mature he really was.

We ended the call soon after that, but not before Embry gave me his number and told me I could call him if I needed to talk.  He promised not to tell Paul and I tried not to feel bad for leaning on Embry when I really wanted Paul.

Another month went by with hardly any word from Paul.  I began calling Embry and our friendship grew from there.  I tried to be mindful of his feelings, but we never talked about New Year's again or his crush on me.  I just enjoyed having someone be in my corner.

Now it was only a week until I finished up this semester and headed home.  I had finally gotten a hold of Paul to say I'd be home soon, but I also had to tell him that I couldn't stay for the whole summer.  He hung up on me again. I never got to tell him why. I never got to explain how this would bring me home for good. He wouldn't return my calls.  

Now here I was, ready to return to La Push and not even excited about seeing Paul.  A whole lot changed between us in those five months and I didn't think I was ready to just forgive and forget...not just yet.

…...