Jayden

I am not doing well.

On the first weekend of October, I returned to Georgia with my grandfather to celebrate his birthday. Everything was going well, his four children celebrated him - my mom being the oldest - and several grandchildren.

The conversation was flowing and people reminisced about my late grandmother, who was a kind, gentle soul. It was a love fest for the sexagenarian.

I actually always loved my grandfather. He is a hardened man from other times, but he is not a bigot or homophobic, not at all. We are werewolves and at least in that regard, we are much more evolved than humans.

In fact, he was the one who told me a powerful story of LGBT representation thousands of years ago. Yes, I said thousands. But it's best if I let him tell the story. It's very cool.

Sometime during the night, the conversation suddenly turned to me and my prospecting candidate in Ravenwood. My mother was curious and her father willing to spill his venom.

That is when my grandfather started criticizing my choice in a prospect and generally bad mouthing Jake like he was a poor choice for me just because of his circumstances.

Since when did not growing up with a father present is a detriment to anyone?

Since when is coming from humble origins and a small pack a bad thing? He was selected to attend Ravenwood for a reason. Wasn't he? I didn't pick him off the streets... *grunts in annoyance*

Now because I am the one interested in him - and not some second grade Beta - suddenly he is not worth being prospected? What the hell is wrong with you?

My grandfather said it best when he told us that every student of Ravenwood was personally selected for the prestigious academy. So, now that he is not pleased with my choice, he wants to walk that back?

What the hell?!

Of course, my grandfather is masterful with words and the way he phrases things. He did not attack Jake directly or open himself up for criticism for even selecting him to attend Ravenwood in the first place. No, he used his cunningness to trash talk him as an unfeasible Luna candidate.

I argued in Jake's defense, obviously, but as soon as my grandfather started talking, my mom kept twisting her face in worry for my future. By Saturday morning, she pulled me aside for a long talk where she told me that my current prospect was no longer a viable candidate for a contract with me.

I tried to reason with her, pleaded, and begged to change her mind, but her father did a number on her and now all is lost. I bawled my eyes out from Saturday to Sunday when I returned to Ravenwood to deliver the heart breaking news to Jake.

I was silent the entire trip back by my grandfather's side. He thinks he is doing what he believes is best for me, but it's not true. We do not require a wealthy Luna to strengthen our position. We have no natural enemies at this point except for rogues - even so, they are far from a match for the mighty of the White Claw Pack.

There is a centuries old, long tradition of marrying people for money. I am not old enough to judge it and in some cases, the poor person needs that to survive. But we are fine the way we are. We are not in dire need of help or finance. The last time I checked, we were comfortable in our position.

So... if my mother or father isn't in dying need of an infusion of cash to save their pack, nor do they require a powerful pack to ally themselves with, what is the deal? Can't I just pick who I want for myself to love? Why would I need to pull a Stronghold and marry the richest or most powerful available student? They are plenty rich and powerful already. They don't need any more allies and especially not more money.

I do not understand my grandfather's resistance. He should know by now the dangers of segregating people. He faced the most vile outcry when he was mated to my grandmother in the early 80's. People would spew racist slurs, saying that she was not qualified to be a Luna just because she was black. And this wasn't the 60's, it was 1982.

Of course, none of that dismayed my grandfather who refused to reject her and they spent almost four decades together, having four beautiful children. I had never seen my grandfather so sad like the day that his mate died. It was truly heartbreaking.

Though I wish we would still get mates in this day and age, there isn't a part of me that thinks I should pick the most desirable Omega as my Luna. By desirable, I don't mean his physical form but his pedigree.

Though I am a product of the Ravenwood Academy's program - my parents met each other when they attended this very school - that does not mean I should have to pick who I think is best for my pack.

At the risk of stating the obvious: what is best for ME should be what is best for my pack. Period. I am their future Alpha, I should be afforded the same opportunity that my mother who fell for the awkward Omega, who was expected to find a strong, male Alpha, but surprised everyone in their class. Not to say that all Omegas are queer, sexuality is a spectrum after all. It's just rare for a pairing such as theirs.

Still, with their trials and tribulations, they have been together for the same twenty years that the Strongholds have.

I could not keep my mind off Jake from the moment we met each other in the Gamma House's locker room. It has always been him from that point on. It was only a matter of conquering his fragile heart and getting past our initial difference in status.

I may be a Lockwood by birth, grandson to the Headmaster of Ravenwood, heir to the White Claw pack, the most prominent werewolf pack in the state of Georgia, but to Jake I was just Jayden, I didn't need to be anything other than myself.

That is what I miss the most about him. The simple ways in which we just go together.

There was never much drama in the short time that we have dated. We may have gotten into fierce arguments, but it was never about our core values and what we both want from our lives. We both want to go to college after this, we both want a family but not until after that. In fact, neither of us are in any rush to start a family since we are both the same age.

I liked everything about the sweet Omega from Boulder who beat incredible odds to get the chance to attend this Academy while I was just born for it. My name has been enrolled here since that event. All I had to do was graduate from high school. That's it. I was settled.

Sunday. October, 6th.

I just broke up with Jake begrudgingly and I am now devastated over having to do that.

We have been dating for just one month, but it feels like we are fated to each other. I feel like I loved him even before I met him. It's eerie how much we are connected, how our souls are connected. I am genuinely in awe of him.

Tears wash over me as unbearable pain overcomes my whole body. I barely was able to get through the breakup and rushed back to my dorm room where I balled my eyes out. Why did this have to happen? Why can't I be happy with the man I love?

I love Jacob Anderson. *sobs*

In the days that followed, I moped around Ravenwood, attending the classes as I must in order for me to not get expelled. Because there is only one thing worse than what I am feeling right now and that is to not see my darling Jacob at all.

I steal glimpses of him in passing and can tell how badly he has taken to the separation. I feel the exact same way. All I do now is to follow through my routines and apply the bare minimum I need to continue being enrolled here.

I can barely breathe around Jake, but it would be far worse to not be around him at all.

I miss him so much. I miss the way his soft skin touched mine, the corner of his mouth twisted when he laughed, and how heavenly his kisses were to feel, to savor. Oh, how I miss his kisses... I could kiss him forever if I was allowed to, but I cannot anymore.

Pain lashes on my body as I miss everything that is about him. He has a way of laughing the most adorable laughter, just the way that his mouth opens to show his perfect teeth. I miss this the most about him and how delicious his lips were to feel.

I cannot stop crying even when I am back in Georgia.

My parents greet me as I arrive home, but I have no words, no desire to talk to them at all. When they questioned me about prospects, all I wanted to do was cry about the one that got away. I am forever heartbroken about not being able to be with my sweet Omega.

"There is no one else for me there. Stop asking me because my answer isn't going to change until April and the only reason I am even still going to that beacon of imperialism and elitism is to see him. That is all that matters to me. Nothing else." I ranted, incredibly disappointed at my mother for listening to the garbage her father spewed.

Both my parents gasped in shock at my answer, but I was completely heartbroken. I did what she wanted me to do, I don't have to pretend to be okay with that.

I don't interact with my family, I don't talk to anybody - much less my grandfather back in Ravenwood. All I did was mope around in my room until it was time to travel back to Colorado so I could see him. My darling Jake is not doing much better than me.

I wake up hiccuping in the middle of the night from a terrible nightmare, but when I wake up, the nightmare is real. He is no longer with me. He is no longer mine to share a life with. This was tearing me apart.

I could not stop the tears from falling down my face when my father asked me how I was doing two weeks after the breakup. I hugged him and unraveled in never ending tears that I could not contain.

"Dad, please, I beg you... There is no one else for me there. I don't want anybody else, I want Jake. Please..." I urged him to give me a chance to be with the one I loved, but though he was heartbroken for my sake, he could not overrule my mother. She is the Alpha of the pack.

I knew that from the get go, but I had to try.

When I heard that Jake and Skylar were going to spend the weekend together in Boulder, I thought it odd. He has been behaving a tad weird lately, but apparently, he had an epiphany and decided to end things with Victoria. That in itself was strange, but when he declared that he wanted Jake I wanted to claw his eyes out.

He is mine! How dare you want to claim my Omega?! My sweet Jake, who seemed like I had not yet met. Not the full extension of him anyway. I don't know what happened when he went to Texas with the twins, but it turns out that his last name is Broderick, not Anderson.

Each time Skylar speaks to him, I want to shout at the top of my lungs "He Is Mine! Not Yours!". They have gone and spent the three day weekend together at Boulder, formed a bond, and now Jake can't stop gushing about him neither can Skylar of my Omega.

He was supposed to be mine! Not his!

I was the one who was supposed to go on that trip. I wanted to be introduced to his family as his prospect. What does he even want with my sweet Jake? His father will never approve of him as a prospect!

Pain. Unbearable pain hit my entire being as I heard them talking about each other from different points of the cafeteria. This wasn't supposed to happen, he was only meant to gush about me like he used to. Skylar was the prick who called him a charity case, I never did.

I rushed out of the cafeteria, trying my best to keep others from seeing me crying. But I am not doing well, I am heartbroken. I will never get over the loss of Jake. He can't be yours, Skylar, because he is supposed to be with me.

I hate the way the two of them are so enthralled by each other after this weekend.

Jake is speaking of Skylar like he used to talk about me.

"News flash, buddy. He is not yours anymore. He is mine. He is the reason why I came to this academy. To find someone exactly like him." Skylar rebuked me, ever so confidently.

Not if I have any say in the matter. You might think I am out of the picture, but I did not even begin to fight. As a matter of fact, I have been waging a silent battle behind the curtains that no one knows about, but I tell you now Skylar Stronghold:

The war is far from over. He used to be mine and can still one day be again. Just watch me! *prepares for battle*

https://youtu.be/53GIADHxVzM

A|N: BOOM!

I whine every other day that I rarely get my wish in terms of the song that names the chapter but this was a rare exception. I knew I would use this song even before I started writing. I had to. It's very beautiful.

What happens next is a twist unlike anything I have ever written before.

I haven't started writing it as of yet, but fingers crossed I get to use the song that I want.

If I do, it'll be called "El Anillo".

OFF: When I started writing this book in the middle of writing 'Topping the Omega', I did not expect this story and the reception of the book to be as big as it was. Even among my loyal readers, the story took off in such a way that now I get one or two comments on my other book and half a dozen on this. Go figure...

Even on the other platform where I post my novels, people are excited about every new chapter of this book. I did not imagine it would be such a hit like this.

At first, I thought people would hate me as they did in "Topping the Alpha", but the Skylar/Jacob ship has really taken off. Who would have known? Not me, honestly.

I just cannot wait for you all to gag over the next twist! #TeamJayden

Love,

Léo.