I kept my eyes steady on him all the way back.

The hospital was close-by to the cathedral, to Madara's home. Even so, I had asked the Deacon if he wanted to take my civil car there.

"No. No, I need to conquer my fear of walking in public."

But could you really conquer a fear that was justified?

So I kept looking at him as he trudged on with definite steps, eyes downcast, a frown on his face. He even wore his priest robe. I hadn't asked him about it, but I suspected it was because he wanted to use me being right next to him in my police uniform to dare to expose himself as much as possible.

My heart ached for him. I hadn't really suspected, but rather hoped that his fears weren't justified but they were. Of course they were. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here next to him to protect him, would I? I saw people turn heads, murmur, even stop and point. As he kept on walking back to the safety of his cottage, I wondered if he noticed, or if he was just shutting everything out.

But as we came inside the cathedral, that was closed for the public now at lunchtime, I found he didn't relax. Instead, he kept walking this way and that, into the different altars and corners, fixing things that didn't need to be fixed such as straightening already straight paintings.

"Deacon Uchiha?"

He didn't react, kept walking. I wondered then what was going on in his mind. Was he hurt by how people spoke about him? Was he afraid to be beaten up? Was he wondering whether there was some truth behind everything being said about him? Was he tired of seeing his own face in the newspapers?

Finally, I had had enough of his wandering about.

"Madara." My use of his first name had the effect I wanted because he stopped. "Do you have any private room in here? Because either way, you go in there, or you go back to your cottage. You need to calm the fuck down. Do you understand?"

I waited for him to protest. Or at least chastise me for having said the F-word in his church. But he didn't. He just stopped, swallowed a few times, trying to collect himself.

"There is a room for resting one level up. I can go there."

"We", I said. "We can go there."

He looked at me daringly. I didn't lower my gaze, met it straight-on. I was not leaving him.

He knew. I knew. And even if we didn't, really, something deep within us did. 

The resting room was simple, with only a mattress, but it was tidy.

"Sit down", I told him and he did, on the mattress.

Then, I went out to the little kitchen I had seen on our way to the room and started looking through the cupboard. Having made tea, I made to go back...

But in the hallway between the kitchen, the little bathroom and the mattress room, I suddenly stopped. I frowned, looking down on what I had just seen. On the floor lay a roll of a fine, twisted rope.

Carefully, I put the mug of steaming hot tea down on the floor and approached the rope as if it was a dangerous snake. I went down on one knee, picked it up. Six millimetres. Hemp. Well-used and even oiled. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I clenched it in my hand, enjoyed the familiar sensation of it in my palm when pressure was applied. I brought it to my face, closed my eyes to enjoy the wood-like and oily scent of it. Memories... So many memories coming back to me. To a time when I was not thirty-eight but twenty and twenty-five and thirty, before the addiction had become what it was, when life was about safety and code words and many, many metres of rope.

I looked back into the room where Madara was. Then, before I could change my mind, I stood up and went to him with the rope.

I forgot the tea mug on the floor.

Madara was pacing back and forth, but that wasn't the first thing I noticed. It was the fact that he had taken off his priest robe.

I guess I had expected him to wear a shirt underneath, but he didn't. Instead, he wore a black T-shirt that clung to him, showing off each and every detail of his body.

When I came in, he turned to me, stopped his pacing. He didn't notice the rope I held, just looked at my face.

"Hi", he whispered.

"Hi", I said darkly.

I didn't know where to go from there. Hadn't thought it through. Wasn't confident enough in my abilities anymore to improvise. God, it was so long ago... Would I remember?

Would he even let me?

I found I was begging him in my mind to let me.

"Madara..."

I looked down on the rope, and then, he did, too.

I couldn't read his reaction. Did he tense up? Was this the first time I experienced him relaxing completely? I didn't know, and it made me nervous.

"Tobirama..." he whispered.

I took my police hat off.

"I'm off duty now. Would you let me?"

That was all I said. No more than that.

He stood dead still. My palms started to become sweaty. Please... Please!

He nodded. He actually nodded. He managed to nod in a way that was both eager and careful at the same time. As if he couldn't believe what I was asking of him, yet wanted nothing more in the world.

And I didn't, either.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he moved his hand to his belt. My heart stopped when he started unbuckling it. He knew... He knew what I wanted to do and he, correctly, didn't want the belt to be in the way.

Then, he pulled his T-shirt off over his head. It tousled his hair even more than it was already tousled, leaving him looking shaggy and dishevelled in the most lovely way. I was shocked to see he had both nipples pierced, a detail that made his sculpted body look very, very different from anything I had ever been with.

We stood there, staring one another down, him in black trousers only, me in full police uniform without the hat. I took the bullet proof vest off, as well as the baton. But when I lifted my hand to remove my gun, he interrupted me.

"Leave it", he said.

I lifted one eyebrow at him.

"Do you trust me?"

He didn't answer, just stared at me, not leaving my eyes for a second.

With one swift movement, a movement I had been taught at the academy and had refined over the years so that I was, without a doubt, the fastest one of all, I lifted my gun, pointed it at him.

"Do you trust me?" I asked.

He hadn't moved a muscle. Not even his gaze, that was steady on mine. Of course, the gun was still secured, but even so, it was a stronger gesture than anything I far ever done in my life before.

He walked to me, dropped to his knees in front of me.

Then, he took my gun arm, the left, and pointed the gun down towards his face...

And put the gun in my mouth.

He took it into his mouth, all the way to the depths of his throat, then, as he slowly backed off, he twirled his tongue over the metal before he released it.

I gaped at him, and his eyes went back to mine.

"Fuuuck..." I groaned.

"I trust you", he said.

And I began.

The art of shibari, or rope play, was something that had caught my interest as soon as I became sexually active, which was quite early on in my life.

At first, it had been nothing but a sex thing for me, a way for me to experience dominance. But as the years passed by and I got older and, hopefully, wiser, it has become a form of art and a way for me to create connections with others without sex. For me, it had become the balancing act of my own emotions and the emotions of the one I bound, of being hyper-alert to their responses to what I did when I bound them up.

I had been good. Like, really, really good. Not only knowing the rigid patterns required for suspending people in the air but also being able to improvise the most beautiful and comfortable patterns.

But I had lost it. I had lost that art to my porn addiction and I hadn't performed shibari for many, many years.

As I approached Madara, this beautiful creature in front of me, I realised he was the first one to actually emit the aura of someone who was dominant that I had ever bound, or even been with. I was used to submissive boys and girls and in-betweens, but this... This was something else entirely.

But somehow, it didn't make me more nervous, but less so. This was something new entirely, something I had never before explored, so I didn't have anything to compare it to.

I looked at him. He looked at me. He was trembling. I didn't know why he did, but I had my suspicions and they made my mouth water.

Then, I took a deep breath and started to play with him.