The day crawled. Not only was our office a skeleton crew, but it appeared our clients were mostly closed as well. I checked in with a few team members, but by 10 am, I found myself yawning. I brought up the following years' strategic plan and plugged away at planning.

"Hey," Billy called from the door with a soft knock.

My eyes twitched as they adjusted from my screen to the light of the rest of the room.

"Is it already four?" My mind was still clinging to my last thought.

"Yeah, and Mel said you didn't eat," Billy scolded.

"Oh, wow." I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes. "I just got so into planning for next year. I think my team will be pretty psyched about some initiatives."

"Yeah, are you excited?"

I shrugged. I had nearly wrapped my work; once I handed things off to the team, I'd be done. "I don't dig into them. My team knows more of the in-the-trenches specifics. I just set them up for success and offer support if they need it. By the time I had them off, the bulk of my work is done."

"Don't you worry they'll go off the rails and waste time?"

"No, besides, who's to say that time spent on the wrong track is wasted time? It could lead to an even better idea."

"Hm," Billy said to himself. "You ready to go?"

"Yep," I said as I shook the last thoughts of work from my mind. "What did you do today?"

"We hung out at my mom's house. The kids helped her with her puzzle, and I gave her car an oil change."

"How very productive of you." I smiled as I met his side. I pushed to my toes to give him a peck on the cheek.

"Mmhmm, they're going to spend the night there tonight. So, we have the house to ourselves."

"Oh, cool. What do you want to do for dinner? I'm starving."

"I bet. Remember to eat, Lil," Billy scolded again.

"I know, I know. Honestly, I can't believe how wrapped up I got. The first couple of hours of the day were crawling. I don't know what happened."

"Well, let's get you home and get some food in you. What do you feel like?"

"I want a salad," I mumbled.

"No one wants a salad," Billy teased as we walked down the hall.

"Yes, people do because I want one right now. I think it's all the holiday food. My body is just craving fresh vegetables."

"Okay, one salad it is," Billy skeptically said.

We didn't bother eating at the table. We hovered over the counter in the kitchen, eating straight from the takeout containers.

"I always yell at Viv when she does this," Billy mused.

"I know, but the idea of no dishes is so appealing right now," I contended.

"Want to hit up the hot tub tonight?"

"Yes. And then I can give you a back massage," I excitedly said.

"I'm never going to pass up a massage, but you're the one that worked all day," Billy teased.

"I know, but I've meant to give you one, and the hot tub will get your muscles warm. It'll be perfect."

"If that's what you want, I'll happily offer myself up."

"I love you, Billy," I contently sighed.

"I know. I'm very lovable when I allow you to do things for me," he joked.

"This feels real, though; coming home from work, eating like animals over the sink. I'm just..." I let my words drop out.

"What?"

"Let's get into the hot tub and talk there. It's like the adult version of 90s pop music." I smiled.

"After you," Billy motioned to the hallway.

It took me a while to shift through my bags for the two bikinis I had packed. I need to unpack. That's my goal this weekend," I said to myself.

"I can do it for you tomorrow," Billy offered as he flopped to the bed to wait for me.

"No, it's my stuff. It'll take me just as long to figure out where you put everything. Besides, hopefully, the boxes will be here in the next day or so, and I can do it all at once. Why don't you go downstairs? I'll be down in a minute," I added as I finally found my bathing suit in the corner of one of my bags.

"Okay, you want a drink or pass since you have to work tomorrow?"

"I'm good. Just water for me," I requested as he pulled himself up.

He gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead before heading downstairs.

I chose the yellow suit over the red. It was a goldenrod color that made me happy. I slipped it on and pulled my bathrobe on before heading downstairs. Billy was already in the tub. His long arms stretched along the edges as the steam rose and mingled with his wiry, chaotic hair. I paused in the window and gazed at him for a moment. He was the most handsome, homely, perfect man in the world.

"Hey, you." His voice was youthful, and his Midwest accent clipped his words.

"Hey, you." My smile painfully stretched my cheeks.

I slipped out of my robe and into the hot tub's warm water before gliding into Billy's waiting arms. My head fell to his shoulder as we both looked out on the backfield that led to the woods behind the house. My eyes followed a snowmobile trail into the forest as my mind drifted to where it went. I knew it was probably something simple, like a loop that Billy, Tim, and the kids took to have some place to drive, but I let my imagination run wild to a magical place straight out of a fairy tale living just beyond the treeline.

"What are you thinking about?" A joyful chuckle loaded Billy's voice.

I lifted my gaze to realize he had moved his eyes from the field to me.

"I'm hoping it was me because you look very happy," he added.

"Kind of; I was thinking of fairy tales," I giggled.

"Fairy tales?"

"Mmhmm, that path over there." I let my finger glide along the path in the distance. "I imagined it leads to one of those stone cottages with a roaring fireplace you see in fairy tales."

"Do you want to know where it goes?"

"No, I like my ignorance in this regard."

"Noted." He pulled me deeper into his chest. "I never thought of you as a fairy tale girl."

"Mmhmm, I've recently learned that pragmatism is very stifling." Voicing the thought made my mind click back to maps, rules, strategy, and work. The tickling simmer that had erupted in my chest died.

"Aw, what happened?" The back of Billy's hand floated down my cheek.

"Pragmatism made me think of work," I admitted.

"Are you not happy with your work anymore?"

I thought for a moment about his question. "You know, few have a job they love every aspect of; I'm sure even you have some things you don't like."

"Of course," he agreed. "But the good outweighs the bad."

"Mmhmm, I have that, I think. I love my team. They're so strong. I'm amazed by them every day and love how much I learn from them. But the structure now, the processes and procedures; it just feels different."

"Since when? Do you think it has something to do with your dad?" Billy was inspecting me now, taking in anything I'd offer to solve the problem that wasn't his to solve.

"No, when my dad passed, work was what I needed."

"Hm, then when did you start to feel like this?" He pressed.

I let out a sigh, knowing the answer. The least pragmatic thing in the world brought me the greatest happiness: Billy Collins. It wasn't just a shift in lifestyle; acknowledging it was shifting to my core. Everything I had thought I had known about myself, my comfort with a plan and my love of a path, crumbled with a single glance at the boy under the streetlight. Now that I had let him in, it seemed so obvious, but my stubborn streak couldn't admit that for twenty years, I had been fundamentally wrong about what made me happy and comfortable. What was worse, Billy Collins made me confident. No one knew me better, and no one loved me more. He trusted me with every decision before I had even made it. To him, there was no path I took that would dissuade his love for me. I wasn't built to break that love, which gave him unwavering confidence that I could do anything.

"When I saw myself from the eyes of those that love me," I admitted.

"If you..."

But I cut him off. "If I decide I want to do something different, you'll be the first person I talk to; you'll always be the first person I talk to about anything."

"Anything?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes." My eyebrows knitted together at his insinuation.

"So, this will sound accusing, but I don't mean it that way."

"Oh, no," I groaned.

"When you were freaking out about your dad and us, you called Tim. Even though you two were mad at each other, you called Tim. And don't get me wrong..." Billy was babbling the thoughts rolling in his brain for days. "I love that you called Tim and that you two made up. You two being close is part of what makes all this work. I get that, but I was right there. Why didn't you talk to me? Or what can I do to make you comfortable coming to me?"

I paused on his dump of thoughts, anxieties, and questions. "I never thought about how my relationship with Timmy strengthens us. That's interesting," I mused to myself.

Billy wanted to talk. He wanted to dump more of his thoughts into the moment, but he resisted.

"It's true. He loves us both, so he doesn't take a side. Tim is actually impartial. He wants what's best for each of us. What an interesting and lovely dynamic that is for us. I wonder; it must be hard for Timmy sometimes, though," I pondered.

"Mmhmm, Tim," Billy murmured, but I could tell he was still dwelling on why I could talk to Tim instead of him occasionally.

"Sometimes I don't come to you because I know you're chewing on something else and... I don't know. Right now, I'd go to you with anything I wanted to talk through, but every relationship ebbs and flows. Sometimes we'll have moments that pull on us, and it's nice to have Timmy to talk to when I don't want the pulling to break us. Does that make sense?"

"I guess. I hope we aren't as fragile as you make us seem," Billy mournfully admitted.

"I don't think we are. I have all this faith and confidence in you, but I need to build that up for us. You've been building up your bank for twenty years; we've only accumulated a few months." At that moment, I realized I was talking to myself more than Billy. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to disparage us. It's just..."

"No, I get it. And I appreciate it when you don't filter your thoughts. I'm not nearly as breakable as you think I am," he teased.

"Let's not say things that aren't true," I poked back.

Billy looked genuinely offended.

"I love you. I love that somehow you have lived this life of constant scrutiny, but you still have the vulnerability that makes me want to protect you at all costs. I don't know how you remain so open after all these years."

"Well, strangers differ from people I know, and even people I know differ from people I admire."

"Oh, how do you get on the people Billy Collins admires list?" I poked his side with my elbow as I spoke.

"Some people impress me from the beginning. Typically, it's people that are deliberate in their thoughts. I like open, but I hate careless."

"Noted."

"You aren't careless. Sometimes you're the opposite. You're so mindful that I can't pull you from your train of thought." He dipped his face close to mine. "Even when the train is derailing," he added as he kissed my nose.

"My train derails? Never!"

"Mmhmm, speaking of derailed trains, the tour."

"Um, can we not talk about transportation disasters and touring in the same breath?"

"Fair," Billy agreed. "I apologize. But the tour."

"Yes, the tour." With no thought, I let my lips pepper his neck with kisses.

"That's very distracting, and I have concerns," Billy halfheartedly protested.

"Concerns. Oh, I'm sorry!" I pulled away to give him my focus. "What are you concerned about?" I stifled the urge to offer ideas of what his concerns may be. I had fallen into the 'tell Billy what he's thinking' trap all too often.

"First, I still have concerns about your anxiety."

"Fair. I feel like I'm going to be okay. I think some of my anxiety was because I avoided your music so much that it was like a double whammy when I saw you perform."

"And are you still believing that you were avoiding my music for me?" Billy's eyebrows rose high above his eyes.

"That's so mean!" I laughed.

"Is it?" Billy pinched my sides in a tickling manner, causing a squeal of a laugh to escape me.

"Yes. Not untrue, but mean!"

"Are you willing to admit why you were avoiding my music out loud?" He pressed.

I let out a sigh. "Well, some of it was for you. It felt like prying. I wasn't ready to know what you were thinking about me, and I didn't want you to be a famous musician. I was so convinced that was the root of all our issues. Hearing your work, seeing you perform live, it made it impossible not to admit how fundamentally talented you are."

"At music," Billy added. "I have many deficiencies elsewhere."

"You have a few areas of growth," I corrected. "But honestly, I avoided your music because even though I knew how committed you were to us and every emotion we cultivated, I knew listening to your work would be concrete evidence of how deeply we were entwined."

"And you see that as a bad thing?" Pain hallowed Billy's voice.

"Yes, and no. It's scary. Admitting that, living that way is giving up something."

"What? What could having someone that loves you unconditionally make you give up? I don't understand that piece of you." It was a question that had been burning in Billy for years.

"I saw it as giving up my independence."

"Saw it? You don't see it that way anymore?"

I had to pause again. "You're making me think about some weighty things for hot tub talk," I teased, but Billy's gaze did not waver. "Part of me still acknowledges that planning for one is very agile. But, since I've been back, there's a security that I get from you, Tim, Tess, Mary, and even Jackson. I feel like I can take some chances, and you all will support me, even if I crash and burn."

"What chances are you thinking about?"

"Well, working remotely is certainly a chance. What if I'm not as effective? What if I hate it?"

"If you have to work from Portland, we'll make it work," Billy immediately offered.

"I know." I pushed up to kiss him on the cheek to accent how much I knew that. "You've told me a few times that you've been willing to take risks in your career because even in our worst moments, you knew I'd always defend you," I continued.

"Mmhmm, one time you told me that even a negative experience is still an experience. I think of that when I listen to a new song and am unhappy. Rather than question everything, I think about what I don't like about it. Sometimes it makes the song salvageable, and sometimes it's just trash, but it doesn't break me. It's a good perspective."

"So, I'm less concerned with the actual concerts because I know who you are, who you are to me. And I've listened to your music, I've digested your music, and I know what it means to me."

"To you?" I had intrigued him again.

"Yeah. Billy Collins, the one thing I've done to you that has honestly made you angry is pretending I know what you're thinking. I can listen to your music and get general themes on your thoughts about things. But I'm not taking that as you. It has been through a machine and produced for public consumption. That's not you; you're not for public consumption. I'm not for public consumption. We're for us."

Billy pulled me to his lap. "Have I mentioned how much I like us?" He added as he kissed my temple.

"You only like us?" I teased. 

"I love us," he corrected.