"Every word has consequences. Every silence, too." — Jean-Paul Sartre, The Selected Essays

Shaheen closed her eyes as the gentle morning breeze played with few of her untucked locks, and the dupatta covering her head. The sun was beginning to rise. Another morning was here. She breathed in the early morning air, the grip of her hands tightening on the railing of the terrace. She had just finished her morning prayer a few moments ago and then rushed up here, her heart extremely conflicted.

For starters, Shaheen was absolutely clueless about how Abhi and Roshni were going to react to each other. Yes she knew that Kabir loved Roshni, and that Abhi had backed out for that very reason, and Roshni too seemed to be in more clarity of her emotions which Shaheen thought were inclined to Kabir more, but still, a tiny part of her was fearful. After all, she knew Abhi loved Roshni then, and he hadn't denied even now.

And then, another major part of herself was in conflict with her faith. What was she doing? How could she be close to him, it was Haram for her, her religion didn't allow her to have this close relationship with a man she wasn't married to. But here she was, putting him to sleep and holding his hand through the night.

"I knew I would find you here!", Shaheen turned to see Mrs. Khan standing by the entrance. The old lady smiled at her, but Shaheen could not smile back.

"What are you here, beating yourself for?", Mrs. Khan asked, standing beside the young woman, so deep in love but so torn at the same time.

"Am I betraying my faith?", Shaheen questioned in a low voice, but it was enough for the lady to understand what the young woman was pointing at.

"Shaheen, I am not saying that whatever is happening between you and him or in the way it's happening is right. But I know one thing, there is nothing we are asked to believe in more than Love, and there is no better Deen than doing something selflessly for someone's else's peace or comfort or goodwill. And what you are doing, is an amalgamation of the purest of human emotions. And I and you both can stand by the fact that Abhimanyu also has only pure emotions involved. The way he respects you and the way he holds your friendship up so high - there can't be anything not sacred between you two", Mrs. Khan patted her head and Shaheen nodded, letting her head rest in the bosom of the woman she saw as her mother.

Maybe everything that was happening wasn't according to the book, but that doesn't mean it was wrong either. And Shaheen made her peace with that with a smile playing on her lips, finally allowing herself to rejoice the moment she had spent with the man she loved to bits last night. Her heart swelled with joy as she remembered it again, him wanting her to stay close.

"Is he awake yet?", she asked Mrs. Khan who shook her head with a smile.

"No, but he knows Kabir and Roshni are here. He had heard us talking last evening. Yesterday was a tough day, today could be tougher", she sighed, and Shaheen found herself nodding, but a myriad of thoughts seemed to have enveloped her again. She only prayed that whatever happened, happened for better.

-----

Kabir walked into the kitchen early morning, and made himself a cup of strong coffee first. No points guessing, he hadn't had much sleep last night. He couldn't shake the image of Samaira avoiding him completely throughout, and the apprehensive look her boyfriend had been giving him.

It hurt him to think how bad had he messed up things. One misunderstanding, one action because of his over protectiveness for Roshni had ruined so many other things and it almost looked beyond repair to him.

Sighing he turned to leave when his eyes met Samaira who was just entering, but paused when she saw him. Tearing her eyes away, she entered inside and began to boil water for tea, ignoring him again.

"Sammy?", Kabir called her out, using the one nickname he always had, he knew Samaira loved giving people nicknames and having a ton of them herself, "Won't even bother looking at me?"

Samaira stiffened, unable to speak up but she soon regained her composure and shook her head in amusement, without turning to face him.

"I was given a choice, and I am respecting that boundary you had set previously", she muttered, and continued to add tea leaves and sugar to the boiling water.

"I made a mistake, a huge one Sammy, I am sorry for putting you in a position like that but -", Kabir's apology was cut short by a furious Samaira who finally turned to face him with eyes blazing fire.

"But what? What am I supposed to do with your sorry? Will it bring me back last five years? Will it help me forget the horror of standing outside an ICU alone while the doctors resuscitated Abhi? Will it magically make you appear in the moments when I desperately needed a friend? Or forget all of this. Will one sorry wipe my memory of you accusing me of being an unfaithful friend to you? Of snatching my right to meet or be with Roshni? It's easier to make mistakes, its difficult to rectify them Kabir Malhotra. Please keep that in mind and leave me alone", Samaira almost shouted out loud, and all the colours flew away from Kabir's face as he hung his head low and left, giving her the space and time she needed. Eventually Samaira broke into tears too, but she couldn't deny that she felt better after screaming her heart out at him.

Maybe they all needed to do that. Scream at each other - blame each other for the miseries they felt and let it all out - so that everyone knew the depth of the mess between them.

A pair of arms squeezing her shoulders made Samaira sigh and lean back into his chest, while Neil continued to hold her, pressing a quick kiss against her temple.

"You wanted them here, and they are here. Now you have to hold yourself together for whatever happens next baby", Neil comforted her, rubbing her arms up and down as she turned to face him, "And I am here with you every step you take, yeah? Shaheen is here. It would be okay", he smiled, and that made her smile back, even though tears rolled down her cheeks.

Somedays she wondered what if Neil wasn't Abhi's doctor? What if he hadn't fallen for her despite her tries to keep him away? What if he hadn't pursued her relentlessly? Would she have been able to handle herself or Abhi without him?

"Hey?", Neil nudged her with a faint red creeping up his cheeks as he saw her staring at him with something akin to awe in her eyes, "Where are you lost?"

"Sometimes I think the only reason I could make up to here is you, I don't know what would my life be without you Neil. I really, really love you", Samaira spoke her heart out and then stood on her tip toes to place a kiss on her boyfriend's cheek. Neil smiled, an adorable school boy smile and pulled her close, caging her in his arms and she willingly tightened the hold.

"Uhh uhh", someone coughed and the duo found Roshni grinning by the door, staring at them with mischievous eyes. Samaira instantly smiled wide, it had been so long she hadn't watched that smile. Roshni gestured at her and then Neil and then made a heart symbol with both her hands, making both of them chuckle at her kiddish excitement.

"I missed you so much", Samaira grinned as she hugged Roshni, making the girl go all aww, and Neil laugh at them. But at the same time, his heart couldn't stop rejoicing, he hadn't seen this gleam in his girlfriend before.

This bunch might have caused each other unmounted pain, but he couldn't deny they also were each other's remedy.

-------

Abhi woke up to the sunlight falling on his face, and he realized in a daze that someone had opened the curtains on the window. Rubbing his eyes he forced himself in a sitting position, resting his head on the headboard and finally opened his eyes properly, without squinting.

Shaheen grinned at him standing near the foot end of his bed, making him chuckle. For that one moment, it felt like the last five years had been erased from their life - she was waking him up after a afternoon nap in his house, to prepare for the exam next day.

"Good morning", he greeted, feeling a little awkward after recollecting how he had acted last night, holding her hand and asking her to stay. He didn't remember when she left, but he could feel it wasn't right on his part to do that to her.

"Don't speak", he was cut off by a firm Shaheen who was shaking her head at him before he could even utter the first word out, "It meant so much to me that you asked me to stay, don't apologize and go on a guilt trip and ruin it for me", she stated, making her stance clear.

Abhi nodded, and then moved out of the bed to the washroom, a bubbling feeling growing inside his chest. She understood what he didn't say, and she didn't mind him either. He felt overwhelming gratitude fill his heart and he realized he was smiling when he looked into the mirror.

He closed his eyes and sent a quick prayer - that woman was the light of everyone's life. He hoped she received everything she had ever wanted - in abundance. Nobody more than her deserved that.

When he came out some time later, he realized Shaheen had changed the and bedsheets and pillow covers, even the curtains. With sun light filling the room's every nook and corner, it looked far more lively than he ever remembered. He had always kept it too dim to remember how bright lights could be.

"I am bringing in breakfast in a while. Have this tea until then", she handed him a cup of tea and smiled before leaving. Abhi found his way to the window - his favorite place in that room and stared at the garden that was visible from his room. Little buds have grown into beautiful roses, it made him slightly smile.

Approaching footsteps made him turn but as soon as his eyes collided with familiar hazel brown eyes, he gasped in shock and immediately averted his eyes while Roshni struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to flow out. She hated to see what he had done to himself, this wasn't the Abhimanyu Rathore she knew. He was a withered version of his former self. Shaheen was right, this wasn't going to be a tad bit easy.

Abhi just wouldn't look her way, he was ashamed of the last words he had spoken to her that day in the hospital before she had ran back home in tears and the unfortunate incident had happened.

Suddenly he wanted Shaheen near him. Somehow her presence always seemed to comfort him.

It wasn't his fault, he knew, but somehow it was easier to blame himself like everyone else did. At times, when you keep repeating a lie, it subconsciously becomes your truth.

He flinched when Roshni tried to hold his hand, already beginning to tremble. He looked at the door, hoping for Shaheen to come back sooner. But Roshni was persistent, she stubbornly held his left hand in hers, and softly whispered.

"I am.... Fine.... Look.... At me.... I AM OKAY", She spoke in a broken sentence, she wasn't able to speak fluently even though it was better than yesterday, and ended up in a coughing fit.

That jerked him out of the thoughts clouding his mind and he rushed to get the glass of water from his bedside. He helped Roshni sip it slowly until she blinked at him, conveying she was better. He turned to keep back the glass but Roshni held his wrist, making him finally look at her.

"It.... Was....not....your....fault", she spoke again, this time her voice sounded more firm.

Abhi gulped the lump in her throat, and met her eye properly. She only smiled, the gentle smile lighting up her eyes. He stared at the woman he had first tasted love with, and she held his gaze until he actually saw and believed she was okay. Nothing had happened to her. She continued to hold his hand, wanting him to feel the physical touch and assure himself she was standing all right and in front of him. That was something her doctor had taught her to do whenever she would have a nightmare. She had lost the count for the nights Kabir had held her hand while she struggled to sleep.

When he finally seemed like he was starting to believe it, Roshni leaped forward and threw her arms around him, pulling him to her, and rubbed his back, acutely aware that he had began to sob.

Shaheen and Neil stood by the door, hidden enough to keep an eye. Neil squeezed Shaheen's hand, lending her an unspoken gesture of support, and she managed to wipe the tear that had escaped her eye.

"I am sorry Roshni, I am so sorry", Abhi continued to sob as he broke the hug but continued to hold her hands, "I am sorry for the hospital scene and I am sorry for not being there to save you, I wish I would have managed to meet you that evening, maybe I could save you, I am sorry -", his blabbering was cut off by Roshni who stopped him short by beginning to shake her head. She wished she could explain him she wasn't angry or she didn't hold anything against him, but she didn't have the ability to speak so much yet, hence she only shook her head and then gestured in an animate way - “I understand”.

Shaheen looked at Abhi from distance, she could feel he was getting jittery. An unexpected relief flooded her heart. He was taking time to adjust to Roshni and her words, like he had done with her. Neil smiled, understanding her predicament well. He also knew though that this meeting was enough for today, Abhi needed to go back to familiar faces, so he nudged Shaheen forward and they both entered the room.

The tension in Abhi's shoulders immediately loosened as he spotted Shaheen, even when she went and wrapped her arm around Roshni instead. Just one exchange between their eyes and he could breathe so much better.

Neil helped him sit down while Shaheen took Roshni away, she needed to rest too.

"Saw for yourself? She is doing okay. Better than you even", Neil reprimanded him as Abhi looked up at Neil, "Would you stop hurting yourself now?"

"She didn't look like she hated me", Abhi spoke in a small voice, and Neil sighed loudly sitting by him.

"Because she doesn't hate you. I have told you a hundred times before but you won't listen to me. Nobody hates you", Neil answered softly.

"He does, I know", Abhi's voice dropped down to a whisper as he referred to Kabir.

"He doesn't either. Hate is a strong emotion Abhi", Neil tried to pacify but Abhi looked up with vulnerability dancing in his eyes, “So is a curse".

"You didn't do anything, he misunderstood. You know that. I know that. Kabir knows that too now", Neil explained again, but Abhi refused to meet his gaze.

"Roshni came in unexpected, I dealt with it, because I already knew she was okay. And because, well I don't know exactly but Neil I can't do it with him. Please. Don't leave me alone, I am scared already", a lone tear dropped out of his eye making Neil pull him close and hug him. Abhi let him. Just the thought of meeting Kabir was terrifying - he hadn't gotten over their last encounter yet.

Shaheen stood at the door with the tray of breakfast, along side his mother. Both of them held back their tears listening to the conversation.

This was never going to be easy, they knew, but it was going to be tougher than they imagined.