contains cringing scenes;
if it's not in your expectations
then don't read it darlin'.

c.2// (y/n)'s point of view

I notice droplets of rain that had strained into my window. This made me squint towards the glass until I witness it turn into a pouring one,

'it was raining again.' I thought with the frustration that soon turned into a mix of loneliness and sadness.

I really hated rain, it stops the momentum of a person when it is eventually does something outside, it soaks your clothes and turns out the fire when you're trying to heat your hands for warmth. Thus, rain is only good when you don't have anyone to cry with, yet without that intension, rain gives flood and floods either kill people by drowning them or erase memories to places where it seemed important to you.

With rain it is also cold, it would send you shivers down to your spine; you turn lax as if with rain, you just want to stay up in your bed. You might as well get sick, sneezing and coughing all over the place, all because of attaining one cold fever which are in by the hands of little rain.

I mused at that conclusion that rain is actually powerful enough to make someone sick, or even erase something in existence. If I could control rain, maybe, life would had been better. Really, better.

I stared continuously at my window whilst the feeling of sadness engulfs me again, it was my day to day process, especially when it rains.

"Drip, Drop." The pouring rain continued to fall all around in Fiore. My eyes then twitched that this rain will not disperse any moment from now. And so, I urge myself to hop down in my bed and cover my ears with my pillow, inching it closer to me like my life depends on it.

I started wishing for sunlight again, for the same reason that it was raining and to at least see the smiles of people who pass down in the streets, not as empty as this one.

Although, how much I wish for the rain to stop, no matter how I cover myself with all the pillows and duvets that I had, it never stop the splashing sound nor cease it to be. It just continued as what it should be doing, splashing, running, and of course, even to how it echoed outside my roof that soon followed a loud hint of thunder.

'I hate it, I really do,' I exclaimed in my thoughts, trying to gather all the remaining confidence to make myself open my covers and look back at the window since even how much I hate it, I can't shake nor deny my mix feelings of the thought that I was always longing for someone, so as I cower in fear here and now, my heart still leaps from the sounds of nature.

Loneliness all together lingers in my emotions and thus, when I had the courage to pull down my covers, I heard the rain crystal clear again. I wanted to cut of my ears at that point but I never did. However, my brain backs up with the frustration that I eventually, grabbed my pillow forcefully and screamed at that void. So, with now in tears, I pleaded the rain to stop. I ignored what my heart wants to seek, I followed what my brain told me to do and I complied.

"Stop it, it's annoying! Just stop it!" I continued to screeched, digging my fingers deeper into the polyester of my pillow.

I'm crazy.
I'm becoming crazy.

'Why do you hate the rain (y/n) (l/n)? Why a mere rain?' I always questioned myself with that like a million times but I never really take time to answer it, even if I did I couldn't. What I know is that, my heart and my brain has it's own ways of working, has it's reason of why the other hates it and the other longs for it.

But it is annoying, indeed, and the longer it stays, it lets my heart pictured out the lost warmth and the presence of someone that I don't even remember.

'Who or what are you even?' I was lost in thought, trying to refocus my attention to the flashbacks that I had been having. Blonde, tall and handsome was what I could only describe him, yet some vivid memories of him also meant that he was caring, loving and maybe, even, the person who had loved me. However, the harder I try to think of him, the harder I couldn't ignore to press and indulge what my heart wants. Not letting my heart and brain function in unity.

I lay back to my bed, trying to calm myself despite the sound of the rain. With that, sudden flashbacks continued in a vague manner.

"(y/n), you're soaking wet!" His voice were filled with worry, but I couldn't avoid how he sounded authoritative. I continued to picture how he had been scolding me, his face was soft and gentle yet can then be cocky at the same time.  He covered me with his jacket and grabbed one of my hand. We both hand in hand, dash towards somewhere dry and warm, ending into the edge of the coffee shop. He turn back and looked at me, checking if I am okay or if there is any sign of a fever.

I wanted to stare at him with the continuous flashbacks, yet it does not last long and would eventually couldn't picture him again. All that could hint me was his blonde hair and muscular arms, nothing more, nothing less and the fragments that will be forgotten for God knows when.

'I keep having flashbacks of you, but I cant completely remember you . . . ' My heart continues to ache, as if someone dropped a luggage that was never meant to be opened. I sighed, tears was starting to form in my eyes, I search for more hints to the man I always think but there was nothing but empty frames, albums and a scent that was no longer occupied.

"A-all I want is to remember you," I stuttered between sobs as I covered my eyes, now shouting louder than the rain, releasing anguish, pain and sadness. For each second of the day remained more empty than the last. It really felt more empty.

My head began to throb, voices in my head were stronger and louder this time. More than just flashbacks, it felt as if someone is talking to me at that very moment.

"Don't cry (y/n), I'll still going to marry you even if you always got sick, so please do not overthink too much . . ."

"(y/n), always remember that you're beautiful in any way. I love you. Always."

"so, don't you ever leave me okay?"

My heart now sank, I race with how I breath. My eyes puffed with all the crying. "I'm begging you, p-please stop." I was now sobbing quietly, too tired of wanting to reach something I couldn't have. Tears continue to boldly stream down on my face. As my breathing hitched, everything is just too much to bare.

another flashback came flying to my thoughts.

"(y/n), it's raining! Have my umbrella, you don't need to return it!" He was struggling with the books he had in his hand, he wanted to yanked my arm before I get soaked in the rain yet he failed. He just saw me, now fully wet with rain.

"Baka! You should think about yourself, you'll be the one who'll get sick if I'll use your umbrella, idiot!" I huff while shielding myself with my arms so that I could fully refuse, he was now lecturing me that the prices of the medicines even for a fever is too high.

I was about to dash towards an another shelter but he pulled me before I could step out, turning it smoothly into a warm hug. Even with all the books in his arms, it was tight enough that I somehow see myself fully listening to what he has to say. "I may get sick and that's okay, the thing is—I can't forgive myself if ya' get sick too." He whispered in my ear then quickly placed a kiss in my forehead. I feel my stomach give in to the fluttering butterflies, turning silent as I nozzle my head into his chest.

'The warmth of his hug was still amazing as ever, despite of the cold atmosphere that the rain emits, he managed to gave me enough warmth to avoid myself from shivering.' I smiled at the thought of it. With him, everywhere feels like home.

As he pull away, he finally had time to place the handle of the umbrella in my hands. "Use this umbrella (y/n), my beautiful girlfriend shouldn't get sick."

I gave him a warm smile and was about to refuse again but he quickly placed his lips into mine then ran into the pouring rain. Clenching on his books and vanished in the mist.

"We could just have shared the umbrella together you know?" I mumbled, I tried to searching for him of where my sight could lead me but he is nowhere to be found at my current position. 'He probably didn't go too far, right?' I question myself before using the umbrella to fight with the rain.

"Blondé!" I ran after him, going to the same direction of where he went. I trusted my feet enough to lead it towards where he is, I also trust my instincts that I could find him. With that, I finally spot him walking on the pedestrian. My mind instantly filled with ease, that I saw him again so I dash not minding my surroundings.

I just dashed towards my love one.

I just dashed towards the one that makes my heart flutter and to the one that makes my butterflies in my stomach, somersault in delight.

But before I could reach to him. It suddenly went dark.

Then, that's when I realized, I lost someone I shouldn't have.

//

"I saw her finger move Doc," I heard nothing but voices from the individuals near me. All too familiar that I couldn't put a name of them. Too familiar that it wanted me to cry even if they did nothing to harm me.

"It could be the nerves, but it is too soon to hope, the impact was still huge enough that she might not wake up again Ma'am, I'm sorry," I hear sobs after that which made me want to open my eyes but I couldn't, as the more I fought back, the more I found myself drifting back to sleep.

//

"She hasn't wake up, (f/n)! It's been a year!"
"Don't loose hope darling, he sacrificed his life to save our daughter,"

Familiar voices again, too familiar that this time, I wanted to stood up and hug them. Too familiar that I still could not remember their names. With the last ounce of strength to open my eyes in reality, it only ended to drifted me off to sleep once more. However, at this moment, I dreamt of someone that couldn't suffice words to describe. He, too, seemed to mean a lot to me, as my heart flutter while looking at him, as my stomach does backflips that the only thing that can be dealt with was to feel his skin next to mine.

In my dream, I saw him waving at me, he gestured me to go to him but my legs firmly stood in place. He held out fruits from the basket, bribing me that the wind was not too cold or hot and that everything he had was in a perfect place. He then told me that it was only me that was missing yet I still found myself standing away from him in silence, not daring to get near him, not daring to let my emotions feel at their full content. For I also don't remember him.

//

"Honey, you need to wake up," I heard that voice again and this was for the third time. Don't get me wrong, I am trying yet no avail, as I am also was getting bored with the darkness at this place. That it was nothing but a void where I had no one to talk to but my thoughts and the questions that rise while trying to remember these people around me.

'wake up,' I thought before I drifted up to sleep again.

//

I was expecting to wake up in complete darkness but I found myself on bed with the sunlight streaming down in my forehead. I look around and I was alone, I expected to finally see the voices that I hear in my sleep but what reflected me was only white walls, with different flowers and gifts on the counter. There were also different pictures, mostly were with the man that I saw in my dream.

I suddenly felt water in my cheek, "Why am I crying?" I spoke to myself, salivating my words and dispersing the rust in the hilt of my mouth. I quickly wipe away my tears which in return, does not stop from flowing out, I became confused with the pain that I am feeling. I was confused that nothing seemed to make sense with how my emotions fall out into places.

I then heard the door creak open, a man who seemed to be in my age entered the room. He did not notice I was staring at him and when he did, he dropped the bouquet of flowers in the floor. As tears also formed into his eyes, clenching both of his sides before stepping forward towards me. I was reluctant at first but he seemed nice enough to do what he wanted to do.

His black bangs were all over the place, flying out different directions that surely, he, too, seemed to not get too much sleep. I saw him lifting his mouth to speak yet I think he could not find the right words. I gave him a smile, still unaware of the situation and mindlessly asked if he is okay.

He gaped at me before finally had the courage to speak clearly. "(y/n) . . ." he started, his tears disperses in his eyes that now replace sadness. Although, I did not know who he is referring to but I peered to listen at him, I gave him one last smile to urge him to continue. "do you remember me?"

I taken aback by his question and was lost in thought, for as much as I try to think of a name, I couldn't get any idea. I hung my head below and said "no," before lifting my head towards him who was now sobbing in tears. I feel sorry for him as his eyes puffed and redden. What I could only do was watch him silently, offering him a hug if he needs it—

and there it was, the hug that was also too familiar to remember, a hug from someone that also felt dear to me. I started to hate myself, as I am clearly surrounded with people who love me yet I don't even remember them.

"(y/n), I r-really thought y-you won't wake up anymore since it has been two years," I heard him sniffle while he crook his head in my neck, feeling the tears hit my skin as he continued to sob. I then found myself comforting him while he let out his emotions. It took him awhile before breaking away in the hug, now, letting out a laugh.

"I should not hogged you all afternoon, he would get mad at me if I did," He continued laughing even with the hint of sadness in his voice, tears were about to form in his eyes again but now, he wipe it away. "I should call the doctor," He stated before picking up the bouquet in the floor and placing it in an empty vase. He head towards the door yet stopped to look back at me again. What he told me sent more and more questions to linger at my thoughts while my heart continues to emit the sadness since from the start that I had my own consciousness.

"I'm glad that you are awake (y/n) because I cannot handle loosing two friends at that same time,"

It then hit me, my name is (y/n)?

//

Everything speed up after that, I learned that I hit my head into the rock after someone pushed me to save me from an ongoing vehicle. They never say whom as they think it is much better that I learned it on my own, which I never did.

I then learned that my name is (y/n) (l/n) which should have graduated a year ago. As sad as it seems, what was more frightening was how I now had a fear in rain, that every time it poured down, I would scream as if it was about to hurt me, as if it is wanting to drown me into it's own.

Life became hell after that, for I am learning things that I should had learned way before college, such as, my address or my age and despite the effort of relearning everything I could with the help of my friends and family—I never truly had the chance to remember the man from my dream.

Everything was then cut out about him, no pictures nor remembrance were left, only a throbbing heart who lingers to remember.

The biggest flashback stopped, I finally remember how it happened yet something feel like it is still missing, but I know it was more than I could bare.

I shrug off my questions, I wanted to invest to the person I always linger, if it was the man that I constantly see in my dreams and flashbacks then, I wanted to sculpt his face—I want to remember him.

I lift up my fingers but it never seemed to stood the chance so I screamed, tears bolted into my eyes once again as I gnaw at my own hair, digging unto my scalp with all the anguish that riles up inside me, I was really frustrated.

I want to remember him!
I WANTED to remember HIM!
I want him to know that I remember him!

It took hours for me to finally settle down, until I reached to the point that I couldn't get out any tears from my eyes. After that, I felt myself drifting off to the familiar process of sleep.

//

I found myself floating in a colorful hue, my heart was surprisingly light as I twirled around the blank space. I never felt this type of ease before and so, I wondered what made me like this. However, I find myself squinting towards a man who seemed so far away from me. I walked towards it and the uneasiness began to settle in. All my moments of having that burden gone, instantly went rushing back.

As I inched closer, he also began to pace upwards and the longer it last—my heart continued to anchor my mixed feelings.

"It's you, isn't it?" I shouted at him and this made both of us stop on track. He look sideways but it was not enough to see his face. I saw him firmly gripped the umbrella harder in his hands.

I took a step closer and the man in front of me began to cry silently. His back heaved back and forth and his voice began to broke down while trying to mutter my name—"(y/n) . . . I'll m-miss you," He said.

His voice was full of sadness as if, this time would be the last time that I would see him in my dreams, as if, this time, is his last words before he would completely part away —"I will always love you (y/n) (l/n)," His words continued to echo like a poison in my veins, too complicated to understand nor to stop the itching pain.

I look directly at the man in front of me, I was choking on my words that when he finally looked back that enabled me to see his face, I instantly resumed my pace, "Be happy without me, okay?" He continued and saw him dropped an umbrella to the ground before he slowly withered away.

My pace quickly turn into a run with the devotion that I'd be able to apologize for not remembering him completely, with the devotion to tell him that my heart misses him as much as he does.

"Wait—don't go!" My vision started to shroud with tears as I see his body inched closer to thin air. My heartbeat began to race and when the distance between us was much closer, I unconsciously jump towards him.

I don't want you to go—

But instead of cushioning off to a set of muscular arms, all that greeted me was thin air. I face palmed on the ground and my crying had intensified.

"I ha-haven't able to s-say a proper goodbye, yet," I continued to sob and next to me was an umbrella that had a stitched of his name—I knew for sure, that it was no ordinary name, I knew instantly that it was the name of the person that I always question who he was.

'Sting Eucliffe,'