Be at peace, not in pieces.

—Arabic Proverb

____________________________________

JAKE

MARCH

I sat on the bench next to my best friend, the kid who had learned me a thing or two about hockey, always had my back—even when I was wrong—and loved Emma almost as much as he loved chocolate cake. I stared down at my hands which were crossed over one another, my eyes traveling down to my meticulously laced skates and over the grip tape around my purple socks. Everything was right where it should have been. I closed my eyes and envisioned the game: I thought of taking the puck down the ice, my stick giving as I received pass after beautiful pass from my teammates. I saw myself whip out that move I had been working on all season against Georgie and dangling him right out of his pads and then some. Yes, this is how it was going to go.

"Coach, those yoga sessions have really paid off," A-Mart said. "I feel calm as a clam."

"Cool as a clam," Derek corrected him.

"Cucumber!" Half of the guys on the team shouted and I couldn't help laughing along with them.

"You'll get it some day, Leight."

"I'm getting it tonight," he said and I waited for him to clarify. "All those loose pucks and rebounds," he smirked. "All the opportunities!" Derek and Coach said in perfect unison.

"Holy cow, Leighton, you have been paying attention in my class." He looked shocked beyond belief.

"Coach, don't have a heart attack until after State." Derek's leg bounced up and down.

My phone buzzed and I fished through my locker for it, only to find a text from my mom. It was a picture of her and Emma, who was wearing a mini-Kings jersey with my number on it. All ready to see Daddy play.

I barely had time to smile before Coach was shouting at me, "Are you ready to play hockey or melt into a puddle of sappy feelings?" He banged his clipboard against one of the lockers. I showed Derek the picture before tossing my phone back into my locker. "What is this? Show-and-tell?"

"Nothing to tell, sorry, Coach." I shrugged. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd love to hear one of those famous speeches you've been practicing in your bathroom mirror." I leaned on my stick.

"Alright, men," he started, but then stopped. "Nope. Nope, can't do it. That sounded a lot weirder than I thought it would." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Ladies!" he smiled putting his arms out to either side of him. "They might be bigger than you, faster than you and stronger than you, but I promise you they are not more flexible," he said and everyone had to chuckle at that. "That's the word for tonight's game: Flexible. You're gonna need to be flexible when you get jammed up in the boards. Look for a way to free the puck up without turning it over. "You're more clever than Mansfield," my dad added. "And be flexible with your teammates when you see them struggling. Help 'em out. Be flexible throughout the game, and in tough situations."

"Win or lose, you're still my team and you're still my players," Coach said. "But we are winning this game tonight, ladies!" he threw his fist into the air. A lot of the guys were nodding along with coach. "So that was one of my famous speeches... hairbrush and all." he smiled. "Now, let's go win ourselves a hockey game!" He opened the locker room door and charged out, the rest of us shouting and banging our sticks on the walls as we followed after him.

After Calum and I shook hands with Georgie and his scum and sang the National Anthem, we huddled up on our side of the ice: me, Calum, Derek, Ryder, Dougie, and A-Mart. "Alright, boys—look at the crowd, the people, their faces. Look."

I turned away from them, scanning for my mom and Emma in the stands. I couldn't help but smile and wave to them. Emma clapped excitedly. My eyes travelled down to the people pressed up against the glass. Ava, Katie and some other girl were standing among the rest of our friends, waiting. I gave them a small nod and Katie lifted a few fingers to give a tentative wave back. I saw Ava doing some sort of hand signals to Calum or something. I turned my body to see the other half of the rink lined with maroon and silver—Mansfield fans. I felt my face harden with anger and subconsciously gripped my stick a little tighter. They had signs taped to the glass that said #22 we're coming for you, and 11: Swiss cheese and Mansfield Pride. Tiger Pride. I took a deep breath and one last look at Emma before facing my teammates again.

"Did you all get a good look?" I asked them and they nodded.

"Good, because you're not looking again. Focus on the game now. For the next three periods, they don't exist. Not our parents, or the fans, or your girls. Just the other team and we're gonna take it to them for the next 45 minutes," Calum said.

"And we don't let up," I added before sticking my glove into the middle. We all knocked gloves before taking our positions.

I met Georgie at center ice. "Ready for a repeat of last year?" he asked, standing up a little taller. I didn't say anything. Not yet. I had to time this perfectly. "Because we're gonna skate circles around you all night. Backwards." The ref skated over, puck in hand.

"Ready, boys?" he asking looking at both of us.

"You know she yours," I said slowly. "Emma," I clarified.

Georgie looked up from his face-off position to stare at me as I took my time setting up. "She's yours," I repeated and then the ref dropped the puck.

Georgie just stared at it, not even processing the fact that the game had started. I took this opportunity to take the puck and sail it over to Calum before setting up further down the ice for a play. I sailed from skate to skate, around players and the puck. I was unstoppable first period. Nothing and no one could touch me. Partially because the only thing that could touch me was too caught up in his own little world, tripping over his own stick and shards of ice. I saw the Mansfield coach screaming at him on a line change. Georgie and I lined up at centre ice as period 2 rolled around. It was still 0-0.

"You're lying."

I stood up from my crouch position and looked at Katie and Ava who were holding Emma. "Why do you think I brought Emma here tonight?" I looked back at Georgie. "So I could give her to you." Saying those words made me angrier than I've ever been. I couldn't imagine giving Emma to anyone else. It scared the living hell out of me, which was what I was currently trying to do to Georgie. He needed to feel that fear.

"This isn't happening," I heard him say as I crouched back down.

Georgie managed to scrape the puck away from me off the face off only to get it stripped off of his stick moments later. Late in the period, Ryder managed to bang in a goal but so did Mansfield, tying it up.

It was 1-1 when the second period went off. I jabbed my stick into Georgie's side. He looked at me through tired eyes.

I couldn't do it anymore. "She's not yours, man," I said with a sigh.

"W-what?" he asked, not entirely processing my words.

"Look, if I'm gonna win State, I need to beat you fair-and-square," I said. "She's not yours." I couldn't help smiling a little.

"Why the fuck did you tell me she was then?"

"I had to get you back for sleeping with Jules. You put me through hell last year. Tonight it was my turn." The Zamboni made its way onto the ice. "You needed to know what it felt like." I leaned on my stick.

"You're an asshole." Georgie glared at me, but I could hear the relief in his voice.

"You broke my favorite hockey stick." I held my arms out to either side of me.

"Still hate me for that, huh?" he chuckled.

"I'm probably always gonna hate you," I said. "But I need to know that we're even so I can kick your ass, no regrets."

"Yeah, we're even." Georgie stuck his glove out and I tapped it before each of us skated towards our respective benches.

It was like playing a whole new team third period. Mansfield was on top of us, going after every loose puck, every rebound and right at the center of it all was Georgie O'Sullivan. I took off down the ice on a line change and received the puck on the fly. All I had to do was break through two defenders, one of them being Georgie. I wove the puck around my left skate which confused the hell out of them.

I faked right while pushing the puck left, losing one of the defenders, but Georgie didn't fall for that trick. He was still on me so I dropped my shoulder to really sell the move, but not as much as I usually did, which allowed me to keep some of my momentum. It was enough to push past Georgie. I had been working on that move all season and all season it hadn't worked. Until now. The perfect move.

It was just me and the goalie now, but it wouldn't be for long. I looked up past the goalie to see Katie and Ava with Emma, all three of them bundled up. I felt the vibrations of the defenders growing stronger, bringing me back to the game. They would catch up soon and my opportunity would dissolve like my breath in the air. I let the sounds of the ice being cut and sticks connecting with sticks wash over me like a wave of comfort as I pushed toward the goal.

I faked once. Faked again and aimed the puck towards the top right corner before sending it on its way. If the Mansfield goalie had reacted a millisecond sooner he could have deflected the puck with the end of his stick. By the time he realized what had happened I was already bending down on one knee to celly, unable to resist hoisting my stick up into the air.

"That's how we do!" Derek said as he met me in front of the Mansfield goal, engulfing me in a hug.

"Atta boy, J!" Calum banged his helmet against mine.

Not being able to contain myself, I let out a whoop. I skated over to all the guys on the bench and knocked my glove against theirs, the rest of the boys right behind me. We set back up at center ice and I rested my elbows lightly on my knees as I looked up into Georgie's eyes.

"Don't choke," I smirked at him before the ref dropped the puck.

I scored one goal for Emma

One goal for Jules—hoping she was happy wherever she was

And one goal for Katie.

And that's how we won State.

△

I woke up to fingernails scraping against the side of my bed and opened one eye to see Emma trying to climb up.

"Hi, buddy," I reached over and scooped her up with one arm. She had her pink elephant tucked under one arm as she snuggled into me before sticking her thumb into her mouth. "Did you come to snuggle with, Daddy?" I asked pulling the covers up around her. The soft fabric of her green footy PJs rubbed up against my arm.

I looked over to see my mother in the doorway, smiling. "Are you going to Pond today, honey?"

"Yeah, did you send her in here to wake me up?" I yawned.

"Don't be late," she said before ducking back out to the living room.

"Daddy's never late, huh, Emms?" I glanced down at her.

"No," she shook her head, thumb still in her mouth.

"What!" I asked her, pretending to freak out. "You think Daddy is late?" I put a hand over my eyes, getting a giggle out of her in return. She buried her head into my pillow.

I laughed when I saw how much static was in her hair. She was one big electric shock waiting to happen. I tried to smooth her hair out and ended up shocking her instead. Emma flinched away from me and pushed my hand off. "Sorry, bud," I said rubbing her head where I had shocked her.

She tried to push my hand away again, only to have her pink elephant get in her way. This continued for the next five minutes: me poking or tickling Emma and her trying to push my hand away, which lead to more tickling. When she was all out of breath, I finally got out of bed, walking over to my dresser and throwing on clothes for pond hockey. "Stay in the middle of the bed, okay?" I asked her when I peeked back. I quickly changed and grabbed my hockey stuff before wrapping an arm around her to lift her off the bed.

△

I got to Pond and threw all my stuff down and started getting ready. It was unusually warm for March. A bunch of the younger guys were skating around at one end of the ice, waiting for us to get a game going. Knowing how I was as a kid, I bet most of them had been here since early this morning.

"Jakey!" Derek called from across the ice.

A part of me was angry at him for beating me here, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw him trip over his skates and roll into a snowbank. I quickly laced up my skates and joined him.

"Hey, bro." We did our handshake before Derek dug a puck out of one of the goals.

We fell into a steady silence. The rest of the guys were slowly rolling in, all of them in various stages of getting ready. I looked around Pond to see guys in small groups of two and three, mostly keeping to themselves. They were quiet, which was strange, but all of the younger guys were shouting and jumping on each other. Usually we couldn't shut up and for some reason that made me smile.

"What's on your mind?" Derek asked me, pulling me out of my daze.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "It where we first met." I looked over at a few of the middle schoolers.

"All because Brody said we couldn't be on the same team as a Northie." Derek laughed.

"No, no. He specifically said I couldn't be on a team with that." I pointed with my stick to Calum, who was currently rolling down a snowy hill towards Pond, with Tuckett caught in between chasing after him and trying to eat the snow.

"Still not sure what that is," A-Mart said as he joined us. Calum stood up and shook the snow from his hair before hoisting Tuckett up over his head.

"Just one big team, now," I said I slung my arms around the two of them.

"How do you think Brody would feel about it?" A-Mart asked.

Derek weighed Brody's many reactions before deciding on his response. "Eh, he'd probably be a little butthurt."

Eventually all of the guys on the team were on the ice, gathered around in a circle. The little kids nudged their way to front since we all but towered over them

"Shoot for teams?" Calum asked me, sticking his glove out.

"Shoot for teams." I knocked my glove against his before we formed two lines.

"Alright, I'll take Mosley," Calum pointed a kid in a red sweatshirt with floppy hair. He reminded me of Derek.

I nodded before poking the smallest kid with my stick, knowing he was the fastest. "Yeah, I got Gray." He smirked up at me. Dougie whispered something in Calum's ear before he chose Tanner.

"Jack, get over here," I said.

"Only if Colton can come." Jack stood his ground, which surprised me because the younger kids all but worshipped the ice we skated on. We taught them everything we knew.

"No way," Calum shook his head. "He's a Northie. He belongs on my team."

Once Calum realized what he had just said, he looked over at me, horrified by the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"He's my best friend," Colton said as he nudged Jack.

"Take em, J. They're all yours." He said with a huge smile, quickly fixing it.

We got on our respective sides and Calum and I met up at center ice.

"We almost turned into Brody and Dave back there," Calum said as I fished a puck out of my sweatshirt pocket.

"Glad we didn't," I clapped him on the shoulder. "Now let's play some puck."

And so we did.