I will never regret you or say that I wish I'd never met you,

because once upon a time, you were everything I needed.

_____________________________________

JAKE

DECEMBER // WEEK 1

I ran out of the coffee shop like I had just met a demon trying to rip my life apart and feed its remains to wolves. My body was out of control, like I'd just finished running Breakfast Club Sprints, Coach Hawthorne's favorite form of torture. They're called Breakfast Club sprints because he got the evil idea that if by the end of it, your breakfast hasn't reappeared, full form, smack in the middle of the ice—you're not working hard enough. Practices with these tend to occur in the afternoon, so as to not confuse our sweat and tears with indigestion.

Coach has never let us stop, not even when A-Mart passed out after he threw up twice. There was that time when Derek was gonna have a Mr. Hawthorne-induced asthma attack, and Coach made us run harder. It's like sports induced asthma, except Mr. Hawthorne was the sole reason. Sometimes I wondered if he walked out on his wife and kid, or if they kicked him out because he was downright awful husband and father. These were the thoughts that plagued my mind as I drove all the way over to the next town to get Jules her damn peppermint coffee and everything else that she wanted.

There was no way in hell that I was going back into Blackie's, not after I had just made out with some chick in a bathroom who had spilled coffee all over me. My night was almost as bad as Osama's when the MI-6's found him, but what made it worse was that she noticed. I pulled into the parking lot of Beaned Up and let out a slow breath. I got Jules's coffee and thanked Wayne Gretzky for guiding me to coffee shop that was open at 4am... without girls who accidentally spill their coffee all over me and just happen to go to my high school.

I thankfully remembered to park my truck in Derek's driveway, which was a few houses down from Jules's. One time, I slept over Jules's house and forgot to park my truck in Derek's driveway. I thought her dad was going to come into her room and strangle me with his brand new tie that his boss gave him. I was thoroughly shocked that Jules's dad had job where people wore ties, or that he even had a job to begin with, because I mean... have you seen her dad? He looked like he could be a professional redneck, and on his off days, he would make the perfect hustler at a pool bar.

I was so grateful that Jules was nothing like her dad, or her mother for that fact. Her mom was a stripper—no, exotic dancer—at Joe's, the local bar down town. Jules's mom took her to the bar with her for her shifts when she was little because her father worked late nights. I guess she picked up a few dance moves along the way... Okay, so Jules had a tendency to dance on tables at parties and take her clothes off, but that didn't mean she would end up like her mother. She'd better not.

I climbed up the tree quite skillfully for holding coffee and a bag of scones in one hand, but then again, I was Jake Roswell, so there wasn't a lot of things I was bad at. Why didn't I just get one scone? Because it was way easier having extras instead of driving to the next town again to get Jules another one. Another outstanding characteristic of my charming girlfriend, was that she was very indecisive, so she tended to change her mind about forty-seven times. I learned my lesson the hard way: one time, I only got Jules one strawberry smoothie... Her response to that was to leave claw marks all over arm because I didn't know she wanted another one for lunch. She was on some health cleanse or something. Her whole cleanse thing was kind of shot to hell that night when she decided to go to A-Mart's party and drink her weight in alcohol. When the guys on the team saw my arm on Monday, they just assumed that Jules liked it rough. There was no way in hell I told them the real truth.

I slipped quietly through her window and set the bag of scones and her peppermint coffee down on her cluttered nightstand. I was kind of surprised that Jules hadn't fallen back asleep yet. I kicked my shoes off and swept them into the corner along with Jules's outfit that she had wore to school on Monday, which was mostly comprised of pink. I crawled into bed with her.

"Whatcha watching?" I asked as she laid her head on my chest and wrapping her arm around me. Her stomach pressed against my ribcage and I resisted the urge to cringe away. The B-thing was now in very close proximity of me, making me feel highly uncomfortable.

"Juno," she replied not looking away from the TV. It only seemed fitting since she was pregnant. Maybe she thought that watching this movie would help her or something. I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever, the main character said to her dad. I tried to picture Jules saying that to her dad... about me... nope. Not possible.

"I got you your coffee and scones." I told her as I reached over her to get them from her nightstand.

"Thanks, Jakey, you're the best." She told me kissing my jawline tenderly. This was the Jules I liked. This was the Jules I had asked out sometime back: the Jules who didn't ask why it had taken me so long to get her coffee and wouldn't even think of bringing up the fact that I might have been with another girl. But nowadays, it seemed like if I was late to walk her to class, she would assume that I was hooking up with some other girl in the supply closet on the second floor. Never mind the fact that Mr. Douglas might have kept me in class a few extra minutes to yell at me for taking shitty notes, but we all knew he was yelling at me because I was a hockey player. But tonight, the one night when she didn't ask, I had actually cheated on her.

I smiled at Jules and let her snuggle closer to me as she took a tiny bite out of her raspberry scone—testing to see if she really wanted to eat carbs. I couldn't help but smile. The smile quickly dissipated from face as I checked the time on my phone. It was almost 5:30am and I had to be to school by 6. I jumped slightly, but then I remembered that Jake Roswell didn't panic—ever. This baby is going to be the death of me. Jules looked at me, with her big blue eyes. I kissed her quickly before getting out of bed.

"I gotta shower, Jules." I told her softly as I tucked her in. She opened her mouth then closed it. Wow. If Jules had something to say, she said it. That was a definitely a first

△

DECEMBER // WEEK 2

"We're going to the doctor's this week." I told her firmly as I parked my car in it's usual spot. Jules and I had stopped at Blackie's so I could get a coffee, seeing as I had about maybe a solid 4 hours of sleep last night. And I was leading a skills session tonight at 7, so I needed to be on my A-game. I was the captain for a reason.

"Why?" She asked getting out and walking around the tail end of the truck to meet me. If she wasn't holding her tote and her cheerleading stuff, she would have crossed her arms.

"So we can find out what the hell is going on in there." I pointed to her stomach as I took her hand. Jules had wanted to come early to school today. Only God knows why she would have wanted that.

"I have the last period free this Wednesday can we go then?" Jules stopped at my locker.

"I have to finish a History project with Derek." I replied opening my locker to grab some useless books, mostly because I didn't want to look at her. I made the mistake of glancing over at her to see anger written all over her face. That was not a good sign. "But wait for me and we'll go after." I tried to smile at her, but the fact that she was pregnant just made this whole situation even more horrible.

I thought about how good failing Mr. Douglas' class sounded right now. I would willingly fail if that meant that Jules was no longer pregnant. If I failed, I would be benched for hockey. Benched for hockey... but I wouldn't be a dad. I could talk my way out of being benched, but I don't think I could talk my way out of being a dad.

"Alright, I'll wait for you." Jules replied as my phone started vibrating in my pocket. She tugged her hand from mine and walked off down the hall. Walked, not strutted. When does Julianne Vanderbilt not strut anywhere?

I inwardly groaned when I saw that it was my mom calling me. I didn't come home last night, and I forgot to call and make up some excuse. Shit. Jake Roswell didn't forget these things... He planned ahead. "Hey, Mom," I answered the phone.

"Jacob Matthew Roswell! You better have a damn good reason why you didn't come home last night, or so help me, God, I will break every single one of your hockey sticks and burn them to ashes." My mother's voice cut through me like knives.

"I was at Derek's house last night, Mom." I tried to sound casual. "I had a History project to do with him and it's Mr. Douglas, you know, the teacher that hates all hockey players. Ask, Dad, he'll tell you all about him." The 'Dad Card' worked every time, and right now, it was coming in clutch. Good thing I hadn't used that card in a while. I prayed that my mom hadn't already called Derek's mom looking for me. I heard my mom sigh and I knew that was a good sign.

"Jake, honey, you had me worried sick. You know better than to do that." She sounded defeated with happiness that I was alive and not dead somewhere in the woods. Her voice hardened instantly again as she remembered that she was mad at me. "Next time you forget to call, your car keys become mine for the week." My mother was a hard ass, and I fully accepted it.

"It won't happen again." I grumbled, remembering the last time she took my car keys.

"Have a nice day at school, Jake." She told me before handing up.

As soon as I hung up with her I sent the world's fastest text to Derek.

Me 6:14am: Dude, if my mom calls your mom, tell her that I was at your house last night and we were working on our history project.

Derek Leighton 6:16am: Yeah alright man. Stay at Jules' house last night and forget to call home?

Me 6:20am: Haha yeah, haven't had that happen to me in a while. See you later at lunch to kill this project.

Derek 6:26am: I'm gonna make this project my bitch!

△

I slid into my English seat and took out my AP Calculus book. I had a shit ton of homework last night that I didn't do because I was dealing with Jules. I took a gulp of my coffee and struggled through so many brutal problems of Calc. By the time I finished, my English class was crowded with people. When did they all get here?

"Hey, Jake," A-Mart slid into the seat beside me.

"Morning," I replied as I took another giant sip of my iced mocha with extra extra, waiting for it to kick in.

"You look like hell." he stated and I laughed. "Rough night?"

"You can only imagine what I've been through." I smiled at him as Mr. Stanley meandered into class.

"When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a cowboy..." Mr. Stanley started off class. This semester we were studying Cowboys and Native Americans, and how they influenced modern day society. It was awesome and one of my all-time favorite classes.

Before I knew it, the bell was ringing. That was the fastest forty-five minutes ever. I was dreading my next class because I think I had a Calc test or something. I had rushed out of there so fast the other day, eager to get to practice. The last three people to get to practice had to do sprints in front of the whole team. It was always humiliating. I was the captain, so there was no way in hell I was doing sprints. There was no way I was giving Calum Brooks the satisfaction of him having to watch me do sprints.

"Yo, I'm pumped for this Skills Session that you're leading tonight, man." A-Mart and I walked down the hall to our next class.

"Yeah, it's gonna be wicked fun tonight without Hawthorne there," I replied.

"Dude, how did you get him to let you lead a Skills Session without him there... on the night before a giant game?" A-Mart's smile stretched across his face.

"I just didn't ask him." I replied, shrugging.

"Wait, he doesn't know?" he asked, his smiled growing bigger. I didn't think that was possible.

"Nope, he has no idea. I don't even wanna think about what he would do if he knew that I was leading a Skills Session before a big game." I answered slowly. "But what he doesn't know, won't hurt."

"Northies coming to this thing?" A-Mart asked me.

"No way in hell." I looked at he like he just asked the world's dumbest question.

"It'll be just like old times." he nodded, agreeing with me.

"Can't stand those boys. And is almost time for Picking, so I gotta be on my best behavior," I said to him.

"Ahhh Picking. Maybe you'll be captain."

"Damn straight I'm gonna be. Think I would let anyone else fuck you guys over?" I clapped A-Mart's shoulder before walking towards my Calc class.

I was about to walk in when I felt someone grab my arm. I looked over my shoulder to see Calum Brooks and Dougie Remington in the flesh. "Can we help you?" I asked him, my teeth grinding over one another.

"That Skills Session you're leading next week. My boys and I want in."

"Not a chance, Pretty Boy." A-Mart shot Dougie a look.

"What? Afraid we're gonna knock your sorry asses into the boards all night?" Dougie asked.

"Dougie, you couldn't catch me if you tried." I brushed him off easily. "You'd have better luck trying to hit a wall, and even then there's a chance you'll miss." I tried not to smirk.

"Look, cut the bullshit, Roswell. You either let us come to this Skills Session you're leading or Coach is gonna find out." Calum gave me an ultimatum.

"You must be crazier than I thought you were. If Coach finds out, we'll all die from Breakfast Sprints!" A-Mart glared at Calum. I knew how he felt, seeing as that was how I usually felt around him and the rest of the Northies.

"So be it." Calum shrugged like he could care less.

"You've never done Breakfast Sprints before, but I guarantee you, they don't end well," I sneered at Calum and Dougie.

"Well then there's your answer, Boys." Calum shrugged like we had reached a decision.

"Be there at 7, sharp. We don't do fashionably late." I told him before walking into my Calc class.

△

I was doodling on yesterday's notes that I took. I looked up to see Ava, my cousin, had seated herself next to me. "Hello, Avelina," I greeted her curtly with a smirk.

"Morning, Jacob," she replied narrowing her eyes at me. She hated it when I used her full name, so I have been using it ever since I could say it, just to piss her off.

I nudged her. "What's up?" I asked, knowing there was nothing she could do to get me to stop.

"Nothing, ready for this test?" Ava asked me. Dammit! I was right! Sometimes, I really hate how right I am.

"Shit, umm no, I am most definitely not ready." My fist connected with the desk. "Okay so if there's more than two variables..." I began, but didn't get to finish my sentence because Mrs. Caldwell was already handing out tests.

"Silence! There will be no cheating or talking in my classroom, people!" she addressed us and before I knew it, she had slapped a four page test with pink paper in front of me. I sighed and picked up my pencil, writing my name in the upper right hand corner.

"Good luck," Ava mouthed to me.

"You too," I replied before giving my undivided attention to these four pages of hell. I was at the top the fourth page when some girl got up to turn in her test. She was done? Already?

"Thank you, Miss Hawthorne," I heard Mrs. Caldwell tell the tiny girl, who only nodded before collecting her things. I watched the little girl walk gracefully out of the room. Was that Coach's daughter? I suddenly had the urge to find out, but when I looked back at my test, there was no way I could finish this test fast enough and run out of the room to meet Coach's daughter... unless I was Flash.

I was now determined to find out who the Coach's daughter was, because even though Coach Hawthorne may be a complete, and total asshole, he was a good looking for a man his age. Me, being Jake Roswell and piecing two and two together in my head, came to the conclusion that if Coach was good looking, then his daughter must be hot.

Ava handed in her test and stuck out her tongue. I flipped her off. "See you at the Skills Session tonight," Ava whispered. She was good enough to play with the boys and she knew it. Next to Derek, she was also one of the only people who knew my moves inside, and out.

During a hockey game, when Derek and I were younger, he told Ava that she wasn't allowed to play on the guys team because she was a girl. Ava responded by stripping the puck off some guy twice her size. We were just old enough where the league allowed checking; one guy on the other team decided that he was going to check Ava, but completely underestimated her. Three seconds later, instead of him crushing Ava into the boards, he rolled right over her back and crumpled into an awkward heap of failure. "Would you like to take back what you just said?" Ava asked Derek after she scored.

"Shootout after, me and you?" was my charming response as she put her binder back into her backpack.

"Of course, what are we betting?" she asked, hoisting her bag up onto her shoulders and untucking her sandy blonde hair from the straps.

"The stakes are the least of your problems." I chuckled.

"Alright, later, Jake."

"Bye, Aves," I grinned at her before turning back to finish my test, hatless.

△

I had forgotten to look for Mr. Hawthorne's daughter in the lunchroom because I was too busy cramming a few slices of scalding hot pizza down my throat so that Derek and I could go finish a project for Mr. Douglas' class this afternoon. Derek and I fist bumped so hard, our knuckles cracked. We were that excited about handing in our project.

"Umm, yeah, you can just take out your red grading pen thing right now, Mr. Douglas." Derek told our teacher cooly.

"And why would I do that?" Mr. Douglas grumbled tossing our project on top of a giant stack of other reports.

"So you can mark a big, fat, red A on it, because it's some of my finest work." Derek shined his fingernails on his shirt.

"It's some of the only work you've done Mr. Leighton." Mr. Douglas glowered at Derek. Man, he really didn't like hockey players. Derek and I walked out of Mr. Douglas' class without getting any points deducted before he even looked at it. One time, Derek and I got five points deducted because Derek had written his name in pencil. Taylor Jennings wrote her name in pencil and she got an A! Then Derek got five more points deducted because Mr. Douglas said the title was too big and distracting. Needless to say, this was a first.

"I can't believe we made it out of there alive!" Derek told me.

"I can't believe you made it out of there alive!" I responded, laughing. I checked the time on my phone: 1pm. Time to go face this baby thing with Jules. "Derek, I gotta go, but I'll see you at practice." I told him before jogging down the hall to my locker, where Jules was waiting. She looked very distressed. "Ready?" I held my hand out for her, wishing for everything to be okay. She nodded and took my hand as we walked out the front doors and over to my truck.

I opened the door for her and took her bag from her. I was such a good boyfriend. I thew our bags in the backseat before hopping into my truck. I put both hands on the steering wheel and took a deep breath, savoring what it felt like to be free. I could still walk out on her. I didn't have to do this... but I did. I would be such a scumbag if I walked out on her. I don't care how bitchy and annoying Jules is or how much she complains, she deserves better than me walking out. Jules placed her hand on her stomach.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her as we drove to the free clinic across town. We had stopped at a red light, so I looked over at her, waiting for her to speak, but the words never left her mouth.

Four letters, starts with a B.