AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shout out to Melancholics for making me this amazing cover! I absolutely love it when you guys make me covers(:

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You don't need another human being to make your life complete,

but let's be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone

who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into,

is the most calming thing in this world."

—Emery Allen

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KATIE

MARCH

The library was and always had been one of my favorite places, and to this day, I still can't explain why. Maybe it was the big wooden tables, the old book smell, or the vaulted ceilings that made me feel like I was in an upside-down boat. The library was the one place I knew would be quiet and calm. I had a whole table to myself today, with all my books spread out because I didn't really want anyone else throwing their stuff down and setting up camp. I was pretty good with sharing just about everything with Ava—my bed, my notes, my clothes—but when it came to big tables in the library, all bets were off. There were only three people I would sit with: Derek, Ava, and Isabel. But right now, I wasn't sure any of them would even look at me. I broke up with Derek so I'm sure he would be avoiding me like Mr. Douglas' History class. Ava was mad at me for breaking up with Derek, and even though Isabel and I made up, I wasn't entirely sure we were on the whole "sharing a table" level yet. So you can imagine my surprise when a certain floppy haired boy collapsed into the chair beside me.

It had been two weeks.

"H-hi," I said to him. He put his head down on the table and I almost reached out to rub his back, but stopped myself. That was probably the last thing he wanted right now.

"Can you read my paper?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," I said, a little caught off-guard by his request. "Of course."

"I didn't know who else to ask." He slid his computer towards me.

I nodded and began reading. I found most of the classic Derek mistakes almost instantly. "How have you been?" I asked him somewhat awkwardly because that felt like a weird question to ask someone you just broke up with, but I didn't want to sit in total silence. So awkward questions it was.

"I've been alright. Getting ready for State." He rested his elbows on his knees.

"Do you think you're gonna win?" I asked as I inserted an m-dash in the middle of one of his sentences, and another one towards the end. "Against Mansfield?"

"I don't know." He said after a short period of silence. His voice was so honest, like he really didn't know how this game was going to go. "We fell apart last year against them, so I'm kinda hoping that doesn't happen this time around."

"So don't let it," I said.

He gave me a hard nod, something he always did whenever I played Coach for five seconds. I had to admit, it was still cute.

"And Georgie?" I asked. "What about him?"

Derek's face lit up. "You were listening when I talked hockey."

I had to laugh at that. "Of course I was. You always get so happy whenever you explain stuff."

It was quiet again. "Is that offer still on the table?" he asked me while I was reading through the third paragraph.

"Which one?" I made a comma change.

"When you said you wanted to be friends..." he looked up at me. I waited patiently for him to continue. "Did you mean it?"

"Yes." I gave him a small smile. "I could never just stop talking to you."

More quiet.

"So... this whole you liking my best friend..." Derek drummed his fingers on the edges of the table. I got mildly scared because I thought one of them might fall off. My nervousness subsided when I had a monetary lapse of sanity and remembered that, yes, his fingers were in fact connected to his hand, which was in turn, connected to the rest of his body.

"So..." I said, because I had no idea what else to say.

"How'd you guys meet, exactly?" Derek asked just as the bell for 4th period rang. "I never heard the full story." He smiled a devilish smile at me.

And thank God you never will because you have History and you sure as hell cannot miss that class.

"Don't worry about it." I slid his computer back over to him. "Your paper is good."

"How good?" he asked. "Better than my Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine paper?"

"Yes." I had to laugh at that one because Derek wrote that paper on the way back from a hockey game, and it was absolutely horrible.

He gave a little fist pump. "Better than my Band of Brothers paper?"

When I didn't say anything, his face fell, because in truth, almost nothing would beat that paper. And I still wasn't sure if Derek knew that or not.

"It's a good paper," I told him.

He gave me a smirk, like my approval was somehow victory.

"Good luck at State, okay?" I said. He pulled me into a hug and I could do nothing more than simply wrap my arms around him and hug him back.

"Thanks, Katie." He nodded. And suddenly, I wasn't sure if we were talking about State, his paper, or our "newfound" friendship.

He walked off and then I was all alone again. Peacefully. Blissfully. Alone.

Or at least I thought I was until Ava gracefully dropped her bag beside me and lowered her perfect self into a chair. I stared, mostly because I had no idea what else I was supposed to do. She hadn't really talked to me for the past two weeks, other than the occasional "can you pass the broccoli, please" at dinner. And I was pretty sure she had only said 'please' because Nora would have smacked her for being so rude. I wanted to say "can I help you?" in the most impolite, uncaring voice ever to show her I didn't really give a damn that we hadn't spoken, snuggled, or shopped in the past two weeks, even though it was secretly and slowly killing me. But I didn't say that, because I could never be that mean. So instead, I blinked and said "hi," to which Ava took that as an open-door invitation.

"Okay, this is killing me. I hate being mad at you and I want my sister back." The words spewed out of her mouth. Her voice was doing that thing it did whenever she was nervous. Last week, she had to give a presentation and at the end, everyone told her what a good job she did and how she had sounded so confident, but I was the only one who knew she was three seconds away from peeing her pants the entire time. Just like she was right now. Clearly Ava Castleton didn't apologize to very many people...ever. I got the feeling like people said sorry to her... even when they were right.

Here's what happened after Ava said that:

(A) I almost apologized.

(B) I almost said "hi" again.

(C) I almost started crying because I missed her so much.

Instead, I stayed quiet and waited for her to continue groveling, partially because she deserved it and partially because I didn't think Ava apologizing would be coming around again any time soon.

"I was wrong for telling you who you should and shouldn't like," she said. "But only a little." I laughed on the inside. When I didn't laugh or smile on the outside Ava corrected herself. "Okay. Okay, I was completely and totally 100% wrong for telling you that," she sighed. "And that wasn't fair to you. I was basically the worst sister ever and should have been happy for you for breaking up with Derek and Charlie all to myself."

I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. "Would you really break up with Charlie for Derek?" I cut Ava off.

She looked so shocked that she laughed... loudly... in the library. A sacred and Holy place of worship for nerds like me. She laughed so hard that she had to hold onto the table for support. I took that as a 'no.' A big, whomping 'no.' I knew the answer even before I had asked the question. But I still had to ask it, just because I could.

"Is that a 'no?'" I asked.

She nodded, tears about to stream down her face. "On what planet would that be a 'yes?'" Ava asked me in between gasps of laughter.

And sure enough, the librarian's looming shadow came over us, shrouding us with all her knowledge.

"Girls!" she hissed. "Need I remind you of where we are?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "Some students are trying to study." She furrowed her eyebrows more and added in some stellar enunciation that would make any English teacher proud. "And if you would be so kind as to politely keep your voices down, that would be much appreciated." If she furrowed her eyebrows anymore, I was pretty sure they were going to jump off and make a run for it, straight into the encyclopedia section.

As for the enunciation, I needed an umbrella. "Sorry, Mrs. Brannigan," Ava and I said in unison. She stormed off, probably to go yell at some freshman. That was ultimately her favorite past time. We waited until she had picked her next victim before we went back to giggling.

"No, but really, K, I messed up," she said and I nodded. "I'm just always looking out for ya. Maybe a little too much at times."

"Thanks for the looking out. It will never be too much." I smiled.

"I just want you to be happy." Ava scootched her chair closer to me.

"I am." My smile got a little bigger because Ava Castleton cared about my happiness. So much so that she was willing to go two weeks not talking to me to prove it.

"You seemed like you were with Derek," she explained herself.

"I was happy with him, but I don't need a guy to make me happy. I can be happy all by myself," I said. "But I see where you're coming from." I agreed with her because Ava and Charlie were practically the definition of happiness. "I think I'll be happier with Derek as my friend." I put it into Ava-friendly terms, hoping she'd see I never meant to cut him out of my life entirely. "I know Charlie is your best friend, boyfriend, and soulmate all in one, but I think mine are three different people."

"And me?" Ava asked. "Am I any of those people?"

I shook my head. "No." She looked like she was about to cry, or worse, not talk to me forever. "You're more than a best friend or soulmate." And then it got quiet. "You're my sister," I said to her. It had taken over a year for me to finally call her that. Out loud. To her face. All along I had called her that in my mind, referred to her as it. But I'd never actually said the word out loud, and to my surprise, she still started crying. "No. No. No. Why are you crying? You're going to ruin your makeup." I put my hands out towards her as if that would somehow make the crying stop. Instead, Ava took my hands in hers.

"You finally called me your sister," she said through tears. Even crying, she looked like an angel.

"Wouldn't want anyone else, A." I shrugged.

"Good, because I wouldn't let you pick anyone else."Ava gave a little sniffle just as my phone buzzed with a notification that JCrew was having a winter warehouse sale.

"Omg, Aves we have to go shopping after school." I showed her my phone.

She put her hand over her heart. "I haven't been shopping in two weeks." She sniffled again.

"So. Long." I rolled my eyes, but on the inside, I was totally sympathizing with her.

"Okay, let me go to Chem extra help now then." She stood up and go her things together.

"Take good notes!" I cheered her.

"Love you." Ava gave me a quick hug.

"Love you too." I hugged her back before quickly running my fingers under her eyes to fix her mascara and eyeliner.

Once Ava left, I cast a sidelong look at my homework, which didn't seem so tempting anymore. I gave a reluctant sigh, turned the page in my book, wrote down the question, and had half of the letter 't' written when someone else sat down in the chair next to me. Can people just leave me the hell alone and let me finish my work? I told myself not to look.

Don't look and the person will leave.

Count to three, don't look, and the person will be gone.

Finish writing the answer to the question you didn't even read

He is not as important as you want to believe.

But I ignored my conscience whenever it came to Jake, because he was that important.

"Hi," I said to him as I closed my textbook.

"Hey, Hawthorne," he gave me a smirk, but I had seen his smirks before, and this one was different, tired even. I could have asked, 'what's wrong?' or said, 'tell me everything,' but instead I just sat there and waited, like I did with Ava.

"How have you been?" I asked, my fingers still toying with my pen.

"I've been alright. You?" he looked away from my fingers and up at me, and for a second, I didn't know how to answer the oh so simple question because I was too focused on trying to remember how to breathe.

Why do you always do this to me?

"Do what?" Jake asked. I looked at him, confused. "You asked 'why do you always do this to me?'"

"I totally didn't just say that out loud." I put my hand over my mouth.

Jake chuckled. "No, please, continue telling me your inner thoughts. I'd love to get inside your head." He gave me a real smirk this time.

"I think we should explore your inner thoughts today, instead," I began. "You know, save mine for a rainy day?"

"You wanna get inside my head?" He fixed his hat. "Find out what Jake Roswell is all about?"

"Oh, I already know, but please, elaborate." I gave a small giggle.

"So," he began just as I noticed the worn envelope on the table. Jake kept running his fingers across one of the edges, toying with the corner. "You know how I have a kid?" he asked. "Emma..." He gave me a sad smile.

Now, it was my turn to furrow my eyebrows and I totally beat the librarian. "Jake, the whole world knows you have a kid," I said slowly.

"And you know how Jules left..." he continued tell me things I already knew. I opened my mouth to ask him where the hell he was going with this, but he beat me to the point. "Well, I'm not exactly sure if Emma is mine." He whispered the last part.

I opened my mouth to ask who else she could belong to, but felt a shadow looming over us again and looked up to find one, incredibly angry librarian. This really wasn't the time for me to be getting yelled at today.

"Katherine Mae," Mrs. Brannigan said, glaring at me through her purple rimmed glasses.

"Yeah, hi..." I gave her a weak smile.

"Why is it that I always find you talking instead of studying?" she asked. I opened my mouth to answer her but I guess it was a rhetorical question because she went right on talking. "How come you can't just sit at your table like all the other kids in here and be quiet?"

Ouch. I usually am quiet. I just happened to be talking a lot today. This happened maybe once a year. The last time I got yelled at in the library, Isabel and I were freaking out about The Vampire Diaries, when Katherine took over Elena's body and Elena was running through the woods to get back to Damon to tell him, and as soon as she got back to him, she turned into Katherine. She hugged him as Elena and pulled away as Katherine.

"I'm sorry," I said but it came out as more of a question.

"What are you? Little miss advice column? First you had that floppy-haired boy, then the pretty girl, and now the hockey player!"

"Sorry," I said again, because I really didn't know what else to say.

"We'll be more quiet," Jake jumped in. "Sorry, Mrs. Brannigan." He flashed her one of his award-winning, jaw-dropping smiles.

"Thank you, Jacob," she patted his shoulder before giving me one last glare and walking away.

"Why does she use everyone's full names?" he asked me.

"I'm a little shocked she knows my middle name to be honest," I said.

"It's cause she hates you." Jake responded almost instantly in a know-it-all voice.

"Why does she hate me?" I had to laugh at that.

"Because she hates the floppy-haired boy," his wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"She hates Derek?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, big time." Jake nodded. "He knocked over a bookshelf one time sophomore year," and I had to laugh at that, because how does anyone knock over a bookshelf?

"Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah?" his foot found mine.

"Who else could Emma belong to?" I asked, tracing the grains of the table with one of my fingers.

"Georgie," his hand closed around the enveloped and the paper gave an audible, agitated crinkle. I put my hand on his arm. "I have the paternity results here." He nodded his head towards the envelope, giving it a little shake.

"Okay, so open it, Jake," I said, as if that was the most obvious answer in the world.

"What if she's not mine?" he whispered, rolling his hand over, so it was palm up. My hand slid into his easily, and I felt the soothing touch of his thumb making indescribable designs on the back of my hand. I felt like I should be the one doing this to him. He was the one who needed comfort, not me.

I didn't tell Jake that Emma was his, even though she was. He was the one who had been raising her for the past nine months. I didn't tell him that Emma wasn't Georgie's, because even if she was, she never would be, truly. And I certainly didn't tell Jake that it was stupid for even wondering or getting this paternity test in the first place, because I knew that's what Derek and Calum probably told him.

"But what if she is?" I answered his unanswerable question with an even better one. I asked him the one question that I knew no one had asked him, but everyone had wondered. "What if Emma's yours and you never open the envelope and you spend the rest of your life wondering?"

"But what if she's not mine?" he went back to his original question.

"You're never going to know if you don't open the envelope. And if she's not yours, then we'll cross that bridge."

"I don't wanna cross that bridge." I heard his voice break, something I never heard it do. "She can't not be mine." He whispered because I had a feeling that if he tried to speak, his voice would crack again. "She can't not be mine," he repeated.

I wanted so badly to tell him Emma was his because that sweet baby girl couldn't be the product of Georgie. She had Jake's smile and his feathery hair, but telling him that wouldn't fix anything, only the words inside that envelope would. I just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, that those results wouldn't matter because he would always be Emma's Daddy. Nothing I said was going to fix this.

"Jake," I took a breath, thinking about how I was going to word my next sentence, because I needed to say what I wanted in terms that would make sense to Jake. He looked up at me. "Not looking at the results isn't going to change them." I spoke slowly and clearly, my eyes not leaving his.

My grandfather told me that one time when we were playing cards. Go Fish to be exact. After he dealt the cards out, I would always close my eyes and think of the best cards that I wanted in my hand. Sevens and fours were my favorite, along with the King of Hearts, who was the only King without a mustache. When I told him this he said, kiddo, not looking at the cards doesn't make them any better or worse. It's not like the cards are constantly changing and once you finally look at them they stop changing and settle on one number. You gotta just play the cards you were dealt. And after that, I never waited to look at my cards again. I don't know why I made a card analogy to put a paternity test into perspective, but I did.

"If she's biologically yours, then she's yours. And if she's not biologically yours, then she's not yours. There's nothing you can do to change science," I said. "But you're missing the bigger picture."

"Which is?" he sighed.

"She's yours in your heart regardless of what the papers inside the envelope say, and that beats science. Family isn't always about who you're related to." I tried to get him to see the other side of the coin, but somehow, I knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he opened the envelope. It was quiet for a long time and I knew he was thinking the same thing over and over again.

What if she's not mine?

"Jake, don't go your whole life wondering."

What if she's not mine?

"You got this test for a reason."

What if she's not mine?

"You were dealt a hand of cards and it all depends how you play them. Not looking at them isn't going to make them any better or any worse."

What if she's not mine?

"What if she's yours?" I asked him, answering his thoughts. We could go around in circles for hours asking each other the same questions. What if she's not mine? What if she's yours? It was pointless. The bell rang and we both stood up, somewhat in a daze, like it was hard to imagine we were at school. Everything we had just talked about was so much bigger than school. So much more adult.

We looked at each other for a long time before walking out towards our next class. The hallway came to an end. I knew he was going left and I was going right. I stepped in close to him and wrapped my arms around him. He felt warm and safe, and I could only hope I felt the same way to him. I stood up on my tippy toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, pulling away just as the warning bell rung for next period.

"Open the envelope, Jake." I said.