AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shoutout to this really awesome user, Bluecaramal, who made me a trailer for my book, which is absolutely amazing because no one has ever done that before. It's incredible. She rocks.

Also, on another note, this chapter may seem a little confusing since it's a flashback within a flashback, but bear with me. So the "present" timeline is February. However, this chapter centres around Jake having a flashback to August, 6 months earlier (from February). Within this flashback, Jake is having another flashback to March (which is 11 months earlier from February) He's remembering bits and pieces from State. Good luck and happy reads.

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There are far better things ahead than we leave behind.

—C.S. Lewis

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JAKE

AUGUST // 6 MONTHS EARLIER

Grass was probably my favorite thing, next to ice, of course. And with grass comes dirt, which I currently had a mouthful of—no thanks to Georgie O'Sullivan—who was just as dirty in soccer as he was in hockey. And I mean that in the worst way possible. He was even worse in scrimmages, because, honestly, what's a ref gonna do in a game that's technically not even league official?

"All day, Roswell," Georgie shot me a smirk before running off. It was way too early in the day for Georgie to be this snarky. A few seconds later, Calum's hand appeared in front of my face, and I grabbed it, letting him pull me up. I tucked my shirt back in, readjusted my shin guards, and spit the clump of dirt, grass, and arrogance out of my mouth.

"You kiss Jules with those lips?" Calum laughed.

"And Emma." I gave him a shove before finding a mark, because Mansfield had a throw-in.

The guy who took the throw-in looked like he was about 14 years old and had never even seen a soccer ball before, let alone touched one. As soon as the ball left his hands, I made a snap judgement call and ditched the guy I was supposed to be marking for a nice patch of open space. I figured the guy would panic since no one on his team was open and just throw the ball somewhere where there were no players. I was right and got to the "no player" area—AKA grass—and had just enough time to control the ball before sending it down the line to Derek, who was making a break towards the corner.

"Got time!" I heard Ryder shout from the middle of the field, a few yards outside the 18, meaning that Derek had about three or four seconds before two Mansfield defenders closed in on him.

"See Ry!" I called out to Derek.

"Switch, Leight! Switch!" Ryder's voice mingled in with mine.

Derek looked across the field to where Ryder was wide open. The guy who was supposed to be stuck to him like glue was off picking dandelions or something. Derek took two more steps: one to plant his foot, and one to chip the ball. Ryder pulled the ball out of the air with his right foot and gave it a hard kick over towards Calum. A Mansfield player came up behind him and stuck his foot out just as Calum was making a break for the ball. He saw the defender's foot, but didn't see the elbow to the back. Just the way he landed made me cringe, regardless of the scream that came out of his mouth as the player jammed the heal of his of his cleat down onto Calum's wrist. Then, to really sell it, he threw himself on the ground and grabbed his ankle. Mansy. Derek had his arm wrapped around the guy's neck seconds later.

"Ouch. Might be broken." A feigned look of pain flashed across Georgie's face.

"I always knew you were dirty, but this is a new low. Even for a Mansy." I shook my head. "But then again, I don't really expect much from a scrub like you." I shoved Georgie, sticking my foot out just in time for him to stumble over it. I gave him another shove and watched him fall back on his ass. "How about I jam my cleat down your throat?" I brought my cleat up.

"You should really go see if Charlie's alright." Georgie smirked, using his middle name just to piss us off. Yet, he still backed up a little, which was enough for me to full out tackle him.

"You're nothing but a little rich kid, who doesn't appreciate anything." I grabbed a fistful of his hair and wrenched his head closer to mine, till his nose was millimeters away. "But maybe that'll change when I break your wrist." I twisted his face and shoved it into the dirt.

"Yo, J, come on." I heard Derek's voice behind me. "Not here." He grabbed my arm and pulled me off Georgie.

"Aw, that's cute." Georgie's look of terror was replaced by a fresh smirk. "Your best friend's here to rescue you." He stood up and brushed his blood red uniform off.

"You don't even know what a best friend is." I spit.

"His mommy probably pays for them" Derek stuck his fist out.

"Just like everything else." I pounded my fist into his before he and I started walking away, over to Calum.

"Well, at one point, you were my best friend." Georgie wiped the side of his mouth, and I couldn't tell if there was a hint of remorse in his voice or it was sarcasm.

"You broke my favorite hockey stick," I said, not even missing a stride.

△

"Still gonna be able to wait tables with that cast on?" Derek asked as were were all doing up our ties.

"Yeah, and I'll still get more tips than you." Calum laughed.

"That's cause Ava loves you and gives you all the rich old people." Derek rolled his eyes.

"Well, you shouldn't have made that bet then." He couldn't help but shrug.

"Baby, baby," Ava frowned as we walked past the hostess area where people checked in for dinner.

"I'm fine, Aves." Calum took her face in his hands. "Don't worry so much about me." He kissed her.

"You'd worry about me if I broke my wrist, right?" I heard Derek ask Katie.

I watched her think for a moment. "No," she laughed, shaking her head. "Besides, Charlie only fractured it.

"Not even a little?" Derek held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

Katie put her hand on top of his fingers and closed the distance until only a needle could fit through. "Just a little," she said. "Now go make people happy." She nudged him along.

"It's the food that makes them happy, not me." Derek held his hands up.

"Well you're bringing the food." Katie rolled her eyes.

"Hi, Katie," I said to her as I walked by.

"Hi, Jake," she said replied in a much cooler tone.

"C'mon, Chuck old boy, let you're girlfriend do her job." I cuffed his head and lead him off towards the main dining room, where people were starting to file in for brunch.

"You coming over for Sunday hockey tonight?" Derek asked.

"That's the only thing getting me through this shift right now." I sighed as Derek and I stood on either side of a table that had pitchers of ice water sitting in neatly arranged rows. After hockey tonight, I wouldn't mind pouring a few of those pitchers over my head, or going for a swim inside one. "Are all the boys coming?"

"Yeah, except for Flaggs who's at a family reunion, Dems who's somewhere in Canada for a lacrosse thing, and Mikey who's got the stomach flu or something."

△

*11 MONTHS EARLIER*

LAST MARCH

"Hey," I gave her that familiar 3am smile.

"Hi, Jake," Katie gave me somewhat of a sad smile in return before ordering her coffee.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked as she sat down across from me, wondering how she managed to sneak out of the Coach's house without waking anyone.

She shook her head in response. "Old habit." She shrugged.

"Yeah, me either, and Jules wanted some hot chocolate." I shrugged.

"She's moved on from the tea?" Katie tilted her head to the side in the way that I loved.

I let out a chuckle. "Yeah, something like that. I don't know." I scratched the back of my head. Katie looked down at her coffee, running her finger along the rim of the cup. "What's going on?" I asked her, because clearly something wasn't right.

"I can't be with you anymore," she blurted out, and I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or her coffee. Okay, that's a lie. I could tell, but I just didn't want to believe her.

"What do you mean?" I asked, leaning back in my seat. "Why not?" I gritted my teeth together.

"Because you're about to have kid, dammit!" Katie looked away from her coffee and her eyes met mine as she slammed her hand down the table. I watched as her grip tightened around the lip of the table.

"So the fuck what!" I rolled my eyes.

"You. Are. About. To. Be. A. Father." Katie ground out each and every word in that dreaded sentence. "I'm not gonna responsible for breaking a family apart. I can't be that person. You need to be with Jules."

"Katie," I began.

"Jake, don't. I don't wanna hear it." She shook her head. "This isn't right." She whispered.

"Katie," I said again.

"You have State tomorrow. You should be thinking about that." Her voice had become somewhat of a distant memory by now. Even though she was still sitting across from me, it was like she was eons away.

"State has been one of the only things on my mind," I said with too much force, but I needed to make somewhat of an argument.

"I can't be with you," she repeated, brushing my words off like they were nothing but snowflakes in her hair.

Then she stood up and left.

And I just sat there and watched her go.

△

LAST AUGUST // 6 MONTHS EALIER

"No way." I shook my head at Calum. "Get your ass off this pavement and back onto that grass." I pointed at the lawn with my stick, which looked surprising comfortable.

"Jake, bro, I'm fine." Calum laughed.

"Did you take the meds that the doc gave you?" Derek skated over to us.

"Uhh, yeah?" his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"That means you're loopy and you can't think straight." Derek said as Calum opened his mouth to protest. "Go, before Ava catches you, or I break your other wrist."

"You guys suck." Calum skated over to the grass. "You're no fun." He plopped down and started taking off his gloves.

"Yeah, and neither will you be if you fuck your wrist up anymore than it already is." I rolled my eyes, banging my stick on the pavement.

"Dude, soccer doesn't officially start for, like, three weeks. I'll be in an air cast by then." Calum undid his skates.

"Just sit there, shut up, and watch." Derek tossed him a ball before he and I skated over to the guys.

"Yo, how are we doing teams tonight?" Ryder asked, adjusting his helmet.

"Pick for sticks? Fishbowl? Superman?" I threw out a few of our go-to picking methods from when we were kids.

"Bubblegum, bubblegum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?" A-Mart laughed.

"Dude, I wish, but that will take forever." Derek shook his head. "Let's do Superman," he said as everyone put one foot into the "circle," and I got down on one knee.

"Superman, Superman, fly right out." I said, reciting the sacred words by heart. My finger landed on A-Mart's foot. "Alright, A-Mart, you're on team one." A-Mart skated away from the circle and over to one goal.

"Superman," I landed on some kid's skate. "Superman," I moved my finger over to Derek's skate. "Fly," I touched my skate. "Right," my finger tapped another kid's skate. "Out," it landed on Ryder's skate. "Ry, you're on team two." I said as he skated over to the goal that A-Mart wasn't at. All the guys who were still left in the circle shuffled around to tighten it back up. Superman went on for the next five minutes before we finally divided up teams.

△

*LAST MARCH*

"Dude, what are you doing?" Derek hit me as the buzzer sounded. The crowd went insane. "That's the fourth time you've let Georgie pull a move on you and get away with it!"

"I know." I sighed.

She left me.

"This is State, Jake!" Derek said.

"I know," I growled back him.

She left me.

"You can't just let him keep shooting at A-Mart like that." Calum skated up next to me.

"I know," I repeated as we skated towards centre ice.

She left me.

"Goal scored by #17, Georgie O'Sullivan!" the announcer roared.

"He's walked all over you, man." Calum glared at Georgie as he skated by.

"I'm trying here, C!"

"Get your head out of the gutter. No more goals." Derek pounded his fist against mine.

"Let's go." I said shaking my head, trying to find my rhythm again. I had it in the first period, but now it seemed to have disappeared. I came to a stop at centre ice, across from Georgie who was resting his elbows on his knees.

"All night, Roswell," he gave me a condescending smirk. "You seem to have a lot on your mind." Georgie said right before the puck dropped.

She left me.

"Don't push me, Sullivan." I purposely left off the O' from his last name, just because I knew how much it pissed him off.

I got to the puck first but Georgie was quicker on his feet and stripped it right off my stick. He wasted no time sending it over to one of his teammates who carried it down the ice. Exactly what I would have done, which made me even angrier.

"Why don't you pull out a pen and paper and take some notes." Georgie smirked as he skated by me.

"Yeah, I'll write down everything I shouldn't do." I bit down on my mouthguard harder.

"I must be doing something right because your girl's eyes have been on me the entire game." He gave her a little wave as he skated off the ice for a shift change.

"I'm gonna kill that kid." I said as Calum and I switched positions.

She left me.

△

LAST AUGUST // 6 MONTHS EARLIER

I let a hard shot rip towards one of the goalies. It pinged off the right post and Calum picked up the rebound and fed it to a sophomore who was making a cut towards the goal. Even though he had plenty of time, he didn't wait long enough to control the ball and ultimately ended up wasting a shot.

"Miles, what the hell was that?" I demanded as I skated over to him, while Calum went to retrieve the ball which was in Mr. Carson's bushes. All of us had, at one point or another, dug around in the neighbors' bushes trying to get our balls, frisbees, and hats back. And most of us had lost many cherished items to them as well.

"Uh, a shot?" His answer came out more like a question. He scratched his head. "Sorry?"

"You pull something like that in an actual game and you'll get laughed back onto JV." I banged my stick on the pavement.

"Sorry, Jake." Miles nodded, but looked down before skating away.

"Whoa, cut him some slack, Jake," Derek skated up next to me. "It's Sunday hockey, not State."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right." I readjusted my helmet. "I know. Sorry, man."

△

*LAST MARCH*

"How's your girl?" Georgie said to me I skated off for a shift change.

I swallowed and didn't say anything in response. "Jake, it's 2-1, and Mansfield is obviously looking to score again," Coach Hawthorne said to me.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"What are you doing out there, kid?"

I don't know. I didn't respond.

"You feeling alright?"

I don't know.

"Yeah, I'm good." I nodded.

"Well then, we gotta step it out there. We look like a car with one wheel trying to make a left turn." Coach hit my shoulder with his clipboard. Sometimes he had strange analogies or whatever those were called.

"Shut it down." My dad clarified.

"Right. Okay." I nodded again before going off towards the bench.

"Man, what's going on?" Chuck asked me as I sat down.

"I just have a lot on my mind tonight." I grabbed some water.

"Like, a lot on your mind besides State?" Chuck looked taken aback. "Besides crushing Mansfield? Besides winning?"

"Something like that." I slouched leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, watching as Derek carried the puck down the ice. More like a certain girl who had decided that I wasn't worth another damn minute of her damn time. She decided that she couldn't be with me because I was going to have a damn kid. I wasn't damn good enough for her anymore. "Something like that," I repeated.

"Get it together. You can think about whatever you're thinking about later. We have a game to win right now." Chuck put his fist next to mine.

△

LAST AUGUST // 6 MONTHS EARLIER

"Yeah, I'm sorry Mr. Carson!" I heard Calum say. "No, I wasn't aiming for your petunias." He skated down the driveway and back onto the street.

I got back into position as he played the ball back in to Miles who was wide open. Miles caught the ball on a weird bounce and once again, didn't have enough time to control it before two defenders were right on top of him. I know Miles was only a sophomore, but he was a very nervous one. Ball stripped. Miles in pursuit. Me yelling.

"Miles, are you fucking kidding me?" I shouted at him from across the pavement.

"Bro, I'm sorry, it was a bad bounce!" he stuck his hands out as if to say, what do you want me to do about it?

Granted it was a bad bounce. He was right about that, but that didn't stop me from reaming him. "Don't fucking 'bro' me. Just play the ball next time and fucking focus."

"Whoa, J," Calum said.

"No, I'm not gonna have a repeat of State again."

"It's August, dude." Derek said. "State isn't for, like, six months. Chill."

"Why the hell do all of you think we're practicing so hard and going on runs and training?" I looked at all of the guys. "Do you think I like getting up at 6am to train?"

"No," Derek couldn't help but crack a smile. He hadn't seen me this angry in a long time.

"Listen, man, we're all pulling here. We want State as bad as you do, but it's not even hockey season yet." Calum put his hand on my shoulder. "So just have some fun. Come winter, you can give us all more hell. But for now, minimal hell would be much appreciated," Calum said. "Poor Miles over here looks like he's about ready to pee his pants he's shaking so much." I had to laugh at that. I know Miles hadn't done anything major, but he had just done something wrong at the wrong time.

"Sorry, bro," I tapped my glove against Miles's glove. "Let's just play." I gave him half a grin before passing the ball back over to him.

She left me.

She left me and took State with her.

She was the reason I was training so hard.

She couldn't be on my mind come State.

Not this time.

I could not be thinking about Katie once State rolled around.

She left me and I had lost State because of that.

I'm not going to lose State again.

She left me. She left me. She left me.

She's gone and she took State with her.

She's gone.

But I was determined to get State back from her.