Have you ever liked someone?
Been in love even?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens up your chest, exposes all of your weaknesses,  and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up.

You build up all of these defenses, probably a suit of armor so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different than any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.
Slowly, you feed them bits and pieces of yourself until there's nothings left to give.
And then one day, you wake up and find out that for the past few weeks when you haven't spoken to them -because you didn't want to feel like a bother or anything- you discover that they have someone new and someone better in their life; a girlfriend to be precise (but for now, we'll call her a tramp) who hunts you down just so they can bully you and anyone else that talks to her boyfriend, the one guy that you were daydreaming about and spent your nights listening to Coldplay, all because of him.

I am really not okay right now. Like, not at all. I'm really going crazy.
It feels like my head is going to explode.
My heart aches. Actually, everything aches. How do you stop yourself from thinking?
I wish my thoughts would be quiet.
I wish my head could stop replaying everything he said and the moments we shared.
I don't want to see or hear that crap. I want it to go away.
How do you get away from your own thoughts? How can you save you from yourself?

Moving on from someone that you use to think the world of you is a constant battle.
It physically and mentally drains you because you're always fighting back memories and feelings,
And that's why at 2 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone, you become weak.
You become so tired of fighting.
And the memories seem to come back and the longing returns, and suddenly, you want to pick up the phone and call them, but you don't do it, because in the morning you'll have to go back to being strong again and you'll have to go back to fighting it, and a phone call wouldn't change anything anyways, so you just crumble under the covers and try to force yourself to sleep to silence the voices in your mind that wants to keep remembering.

This proves even more why I don't allow myself to have feelings for guys anymore (no homo) because I go completely bonkers, and I haven't quite perfected the art of controlling my emotions towards this sort of nonsense.
It's like poison that's slowly killing me, and now I'm on my own, trying to gather the strength to take steps to extract the venom that has a firm grip on my life currently, and again, I hate that one boy has that sort of control over me.

Well guess what?
After I have this one last cry, I will not cry over him anymore, because I refuse to cry over any guy more than once. Actually at all.
I'm gonna wipe my tears, put on my big girl (cowgirl) boots and go for a long walk.
I'm gonna listen to the music that motivates me the most because Country music taught me how a man should treat a woman and Miranda Lambert taught me what to do when he screws up!
I'm gonna put on a big smile for myself and perhaps if I'm privileged enough, it'll lighten up some else's day, because that's what I do.
No matter how far up to my knees in pain I am, I always find a certain strength in bringing happiness to others even when I can't seem to find it in my own life.
I'm gonna sit here and write about the agony I feel and the mistakes I made, and then put it behind me and leave it there without reflecting on it again, accept for the purpose to use it as a guide to help me down the road should this occur again.

I'm gonna move on, and bury this pain, not let this pain bury me.
I'm gonna wake up, be thankful for each day and then make the most of it, because with or without love, life goes on and I intend to live mine to the fullest, even if I have to cut loose a few strings.
I'm gonna be brave and strong.....

I'm gonna miss him.