Dearest Megs,

By the time you find this and read it, I'll be out of this world, far of all of you, in a place we can only dream of.

I know that you have a lot of questions. Why am I doing this? What did I have to hide? What are my secrets? What led me to this decision? What are the consequences?

I may not have answers to all of them, but for once in my life, I'm not going to be vague. For your sake.

I am doing this because I'm tired. I'm tired of running, lying, cheating. I'm tired of hiding, fleeing, faking. I'm tired of believing, enduring, existing. I'm tired of it all.

Remember how mom used to say, that when you are knee-deep in problems, and you don't know what to do, just look at the skies above?

Just now, when I looked up at the stars, I realized that I'm sick of this life; of this momentary, ill-crafted fantasy I built for myself from lies, money, greed and even more lies. I realized that I'm sick of running away from all my problems. Now, all I want to do is stop running, soothe my aching muscles, lie down somewhere and sleep.

And I have confessions. I have revelations of truth that I have artfully hidden all my life. Now, as I see only a huge void ahead of me, and as I cease to see the cash and luxury and the selfish reasons; I see no reason to take my secrets to the grave.

All my secrets, confessions and revelations are lessons for you Megs, lessons that are to be learnt from my mistakes, so that history doesn't repeat itself.

This is too much to absorb, I know. I couldn't teach you when I had been with you, and now I have the chance. Take up my words, and don't make the same mistakes I did.

The world is huge, Megs, but our life is short. All we have done in this pathetic excuse of a life is nothing compared to the regrets we nurture of the things that were not done, at the very last moment.

As your brother, let me give you some advice.

Live life without regrets.

It all ends here, Megs. My petty life, my whirlwind of thoughts, my laughter, my dreams, my ambitions, and my very existence – they all end here.

And my lessons, my secrets, my stories, my confessions, and my revelations unravel here.

Love,

Aidan xoxo