To the one I now regret, I hope you see me not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, you did not make sense. You refused to make sense. What was with, the way you came into my life.

Did I tell you to?! Why didn't you do your work? Why didn't I ignore you? Questioning the very being of my soul?

I didn't like the way you made me feel. Honestly to out of all the boys I liked before. I'm pretty sure I loved you?

Was I another nerdy stereotype. The one who fell for the oblivious bad boy?

I knew you looked at me but I didn't like the way you looked at me.

You know what I mean?

It wasn't the, "She's pretty cute." Look I was always wanting.

I knew at that age it wasn't going happen with the childish little boys, I called crushes. But still I hoped you wanted me.

How could you look at me like all the others boys looked at me? You looked passed me.

So easily?

I was right there so big but still you looked right through me.

Laughed around me.

Lord I forgot how you make me be feel.

But I lie you wouldn't be a password if I truly forgot.

I remember how in one of the classes you were failing I had with you. Math was it?

The teacher forced you to wake up and do actual work for once. You didn't have anything to write with so I offered you one of mine.

We had four more hours of school and for those four more hours I was so, nervous, excited.  I wanted to see you again. Even if I used a pencil for a excuse.

When they let us out I looked for you. Before you got on your bus, I ran to you.

You had your gray hoodie the one you always were. You were a giant I couldn't help but feel my heart slow down when I tapped your shoulder.

Turning to smile at me, "Yeah?"

Catching my heart in my throat I ignored it. "Hey I wanted to get my pencil back."

You shrugged with your hands, "I don't have it."

I just smiled about it. And ran to my bus with the biggest smile on my face. 

It wasn't just a pencil, it was me.

I gave you me and you lost me so quickly without a second thought.

You know because of you I carried a bag full of pencils. For a year after so I can be somebody's hero. I called it my hero bag, when I lost it I almost cried.

Almost because it is time to let go. I only knew you for a month.

Why did I want you?

I wanted you for your smile. Your confidence. Your humor. The way your eyes had adorable crinkles when you slept.

The way you did notice me. You smiled, so pure.

It's time to let you go.

Thomas, I'm done.

Goodbye.