"Addicted to Love"

I am a mom of two beautiful children. A boy and a girl.

I am a teenage mom but I never regret of having a kids at this early stage, although I am aware na hindi maganda yon.

Mas maganda parin kasing may tinapos ka at nasa tamang edad bago mag build ng sariling pamilya.

But well, it happened already but I never once acknowledge my children as my failure.

They are beautiful gifts from above.

Yung partner ko?

Nasa rehabilitation center.

He surrendered his self two months ago.

Yes. He's a drug user.

A total drug user.

He use to take drugs, marijuana and cocaine.

He is also known as basagulero, badboy and some of our neighbours use to call him demonyo.

Simula nung maging kami, wala akong narinig na maganda about him.

We are neighbors pero sa school ko sya nakilala at napansin.

At first, I have no intention to take our relationship too seriously but I ended up loving him too much.

Tumagal yung relationship namin until we had our first baby.

So ayun na nga, we lived in their house together with his dad and brothers.

Kasama rin namin yung step mom nya at yung anak nito.

Separated yung parents nya and that's one thing na hindi nya matanggap.

Naghiwalay kasi parents nya when he was high school and he witnessed kung paano unti unting nasira yung family nya.

Habang tumatagal na nakatira kami sa kanila, nakilala at nakita ko kung anong pamilya yung kinagisnan nya and I can say na maswerte ko sa pamilyang kinalakihan ko.

Sa bahay kasi nila, mkikita mo yung kawalan ng harmony.

Walang bonding, walang closure.

He only had a house not a home.

Para bang bawat isa sa kanila may pader na nakaharang.

But the story is not about them it's about us.

As I said, my partner is using illegal drugs and because of that lagi kaming nag aaway.

Bangayan here, bangayan there.

Umaabot pa sa point na nagbubugbugan tlaga kami.

Pero huh! Kahit payat ako di ako nag papatalo.

I always make sure that he will fall under my panty every time na mag aaway kami.

And at the end of the day he will sincerely ask for my forgiveness.

Hihi! Maybe some of you guys iniisip na ang tanga tanga ko for choosing a man like him.

Well, I'm already used to it.

Even my family were against him and so my friends.

Pero wala eh.

Tinamaan ng lintik kaya support nlang.

Sanay narin ako sa mga line na,

"Ano ka ba naman sis. Wala kang future jan. Hiwalayan mo na yan".

Or

"Ang tibay naman ng helmet mo. San ba nakakabili nyan?".

At

"Ganda ganda mo marami pang iba jan, hiwalayan mo na yan di na mag babago yan".

I also heard one time saying, "Ano ba nagustuhan mo jan? T*ngna kung sex at t*ti lang maraming malalaki at maggaling jan."

Hindi naman kasi sya kgawapuhan.

Hindi rin matangkad.

Haha! And a lot of sickening line saying to break up with him.

I tried to put myself in their places kya I understand bakit nila nasasabi yon.

Pero sila?

They did ever put theirs in mine? NO.

That's why they will never understand me.

Marami nababalita ngayong mga adik na nang rape, pumatay at kung anu-ano pang krimen.

But not all of them were the same.

Hindi lahat ng nag-take ng drugs ay gumagawa ng karumaldumal na krimen.

Siguro yung iba they used to take drugs bcoz of curiosity or by the influence of their friends.

Pero hindi lahat ganon.

Yung partner ko? Puro bad side lang nakikita sakanya ng mga tao.

No one appreciated him.

Maybe siguro kasi ayon lang yung pinapakita nya.

That he is tough and strong.

That he is unbreakable but the truth is not.

He's sweet, caring, corny and too emotional. Yes.

Kung gano sya katapang at kagago sa panlabas, ganon sya kahina sa panloob.

Madali syang masaktan sa simpleng masasakit na salita.

But I never saw him in pain or hurt right after nyang makarinig ng salita.

Nginingitian nya lang muna yon.

Kinikimkim.

Lalabas nya lang yon at the end of the day.

Habang nakahiga kami yayakapin ako sa likod tsaka iiyak ng palihim.

Ako naman, nakatalikod lang while holding his hands, make him feel that everything will be okay.

Assuring him that whatever it is, I am with him.

Pero minsan pag sobra na hindi nya na kinakaya yung bigat na nararamdaman nya and that's the time he will start to use drugs.

After that mag ddrawing sya.

Ddrawing nya ko, yung family namin, mag susulat ng kung anu-anong quotes tapos magkkwento na.

Lumalabas lahat ng hinanakit nya pag nakagamit sya.

At ako mkikinig lang ng mkkinig while staring at him. He endures all the pain.

Ikkwento nya ng paulit ulit yung nangyare sknya before. Yung buhay nya. Yung family nya. Kung pano at kelan sya nag start mag take ng illegal drugs.

He also tried to push marijuana when he was highschool. Why? Para mkakain.

Masustentuhan yung pag aaral nilang magkkapatid. Hindi pa nman kse sya pwede mag trabaho dahil minor pa sya.

He started it nung magkaroon ng ibang babae yung dad nya.

Umalis yung papa nya sa bahay nila dhil hindi nila matanggap mag kkapatid yung bagong asawa ng papa nila kaya sila nalang mag kkapatid yung naiwan.

But no one appreciate what he did. Yung tingin sknya ng ibang tao? A total trash. Patapon, walang pattunguhan, walang silbi, walang kwenta and so many more.

Siguro iniisip ng iba, ng family nya na hndi sya nssaktan dahil sa mga nrrinig nya but little did they know, he is broken and depressed inside.

Depression na nag ttulak sknya para lalong malulong sa drugs. Muka lang syang demonyo pero may mabuti parin sa pagkatao nya.

Sobrang mahal na mahal nya yung parents nya lalo na yung mga kaptid nya. Hindi nya lang alam kung pano to ipakita.

And now, nasa rehab sya. Nag bbagong buhay for our children and for his self. I know ssabihin ng iba sainyo na,

"Kung gusto nya tlaga magbago, magbbago sya kahit di na mag parehab".

But this I will tell you guys, hndi kyo yung nsa kalagayn nya, hndi kyo yung nag adik kaya di nyo sya maiintndihan.

Hndi ko na kaylangan ipaliwanag pa para lang maintndihan nyo bcos you will never understand it unless you were the one who did or witnessed it.

Sana wag tyo mging judgemental guys. Each everyone of us has our own unexplainable story.

Hindi ko snasabi na mag adik din kyo for you to understand. All I am saying is, try to dig deeper and know the story behind before you judge.

Minsan kse hndi ntin alam na sa simpleng salita lang natin nkkasakit na pala tyo ng feelings ng iba. Sabi nga dba,

"You may know my name, but not my story".

Sorry if my confession took a lot of your time. Wala ko mapag labasan ng feelings ko right now. I just need someone who can accompany me.

Who will just listen to me. Haha! Anw, this week na yung birthday nya and this will be the first time na ddalawin ko sya sa rehab. I'm looking forward to that day.

Matinding iyakan yon. Haha! I really miss him. Everything about him. I miss it. Whatever other ppol say, hinding hindi ko sya iiwan. Forever may not exist as other ppol say but lifetime does. At yun yung meron sa relasyon namin.

PS: To my virgin friends out there, alam kong mkikilala nyo ko pag nabasa nyo to so keep your bitchy mouth shut! Haha! Loveyou guys!:*
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