I'm jolted awake by Kylo's sudden movement. I  open my eyes to see him sitting up in bed, breathing heavily with sweat trickling down the side of his face.

"Kylo?" I ask curiously, wondering what's wrong.

The clock reads 1:30 a.m.

He glances back at me, but it only seems to make him feel worse as he frowns, turning away. I sit up as well, groggily situating myself beside him.

"Ky? Are you okay?" I whisper. I rub circles on his bare back until his breathing begins to die down.

I notice tear stains on his cheeks; he must've cried while he slept.

"Ky?" I ask again.

"I-it was only a nightmare, Mal." He brushes it off nonchalantly. It's my turn to frown.

"I've never known a simple nightmare to affect you like this." I observe, staring into his eye in concern.

He sighs.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" I say.

"I don't know." He admits.

"I'll help you." I offer, putting my hand over his. He watches my face, then proceeds to nod his head yes.

I fall back onto the pillows, making myself comfortable; then I reach forward, signaling him to come into my arms. He does so gratefully, switching roles as his head is resting on my shoulder.

I pull the blankets over us, reveled by warmth they bring, which adds to my love's warm body cuddled up to mine.

I run my fingers through his curls, occasionally kissing his head softly until I hear him snore peacefully.

Knowing that he's asleep, I allow my eyes to droop shut.

-

It feels as if only minutes have passed when I'm awoken in a panic.

I taste bile in my throat; I throw the blankets away from my waist and rush out of bed, regretfully making Kylo's head drop on the mattress in the absence of my shoulder.

I slam into the bathroom and make it to the toilet just in time to let it out.

I feel Kylo's fingers brush against the back of my neck as he grabs and holds my hair out of my face.

When I'm finished, I lean against the bowl, taking a few extra seconds to breath.

"You must be sick." Kylo comments, but there's a certain edge to his voice.

"Maybe one of the troopers gave me a stomach bug." I agree.

"I think I'm gonna take a shower... thank you." I dismiss him.

Instead of making his expected remark about how he'd rather stay, he slowly nods and turns out of the room.

He looks as if he'd seen a ghost.

What's his problem?

I stop in front of the mirror and almost laugh at my own sickly resemblance to an actual ghost. I've never seen my skin so papery white; almost transparent.

There's surely something wrong with me.

After I finish my shower, I feel a little better, but there's nothing I want more than to lay I bed and sleep for the rest of the day.

I walk out of the bathroom and slip on a big t-shirt and joggers, finding my way back to Kylo's bed.

He enters the room then, wearing everything he needs besides his mask.

"Should I call in sick?" I ask, finding it sort of weird as I live here.

"I'll talk to Hux myself; he can't say no to me." He smirks, pulling the blankets up closer to my chin.

I roll my eyes, letting out a giggle.

One of my favorite parts of our relationship is our equal ability to tease the uptight-ginger.

"I'll be here to check on you around mid day." He assures, kissing my forehead. He puts on his mask, walking to the door.

"I love you." He calls, in a finalizing tone, not waiting for an answer.

"I love you too." I mumble with a small smile on my face.

Instead of sleeping as I'd planned earlier, I find my mind wandering.

Why had Kylo been acting so weird lately? Was it his nightmare he refused to tell me about earlier last night?

Why wasn't he his usual self?

I decide to ask him when he gets back.

As if on cue, the door creaks open.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be awake." He says quietly as he enters the room. I notice he's carrying two containers of soup instead of one, and blush at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you, Ky." I grin as he hands me the container and spoon, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Of course." He gives me the tiniest glimpse of a smile back. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better, actually, but I was wondering if- well, you know, mayb-"

"You were wondering if what?" He interrupts, pausing his spoon at his full, soft, pink lips.

"I was just wondering if you'd tell me about your nightmare, I thought it'd make you feel be-"

"It's really no big deal, as I'd said last night. If only you would've listened to me as you were supposed to." He shuts down the suggestion quickly, anger lingering in his tone.

"You don't own me, Kylo."  I state.

"I never said I did."

"You implied it, as you scolded me like a child for caring about your well-being." I argue.

"You know I love you, but you make it so hard when you accuse me of stupid things." Kylo admits.

"I could say the same about you." I retaliate.

Kylo stands, seeming furious.

A small part of me is proud of him for holding in his feelings so well.

"Seeing as you look much worse than when I left earlier, I'd suggest you go to the infirmary." He growls, before storming out of the room, leaving his words hanging in the air.

I let a tear slip out of my eye and quickly wipe it away. His words stung; he'd hit my insecurities head on and it hurt.

And, as the weak person I am, I take his advice.

But I could never truly prepare myself for the diagnosis.

-

hey guys!

it's spring break heCK YEAH

guess what that means😏

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yay

also please enjoy the wonderful pic of adam with a puppy on top bc I'm dead

wow ok so I must be really good at foreshadowing or you're really good at guessing but I still refuse to tell you what's gonna happen

it's a secret

have a safe night lovelies:))

ily all

kait