I feel dizzy.

My footfalls reverberate throughout the empty hallway, but it might as well be silent; I can only hear the blood rushing in my ears. It's all white noise.

I don't know how to feel.

What to feel.

The droid's words echo in my mind like a blessing as well as a death sentence.

I feel excited.

I dreamed of this as a child, as most young girls, even a few boys, might.

I also feel dread.

It is the most beautiful, perfect thing to happen in the absolute worst of time and circumstances.

I want to jump for joy and I want to curl up and cry; I want to grin until my cheeks hurt and I want to wallow in sadness.

What will I do?

What will we do?

I find a silent place, unvisited by most, and sit against the wall, my legs cutting into the hall's walkway.

I absentmindedly put my hand on my stomach and think. My thoughts are terribly scattered.

I notice where I've decided to rest my hand and my face contorts; my fingers drop to the floor.

I watch the wall; it seems there is nothing else I can focus on.

I want my sister; I want to ask her for advice. But if I told her alone, she'd rip me to shreds.

You have to tell him! A voice orders in my head. I cross my arms.

What difference would it make if I waited to tell him?

You have to tell him, soon! The voice argues desperately, as if my life might depend on it.

I shake my head.

What will I do?

What will I do?

I never foresaw such a crisis. This will deter my plans greatly, if not completely.

I'll never get Kylo to rejoin the Resistance once he knew. Never.

He'd use it as his excuse to stay with the Dark Side; he'd claim it ensured better safety and a brighter future.

I could never see it that way.

I never knew Ben; only Kylo. But in my heart, I longed for him.

I knew he was an endless source of warmth. I knew he would protect me and whoever was to come. I knew he'd always do the right thing.

I knew he'd love me just as thoroughly.

I suddenly taste bile again and know I have only seconds to take care of it.

In a stroke of luck, I make it to the restroom just in time.

I hold my own hair out of my face this time.

It's after that that I realize something. I know exactly what I feel.

Joy; happiness. So much of it.

Despite having just emptied my insides in a disgusting, trooper-vandalized stall, I smile.

I've dreamt of this forever, and it's finally happening. With the guy I love, nonetheless.

If anything, this is the opposite of a setback in my hopes of changing Kylo's loyalties.

I can't wait to tell him.

I wipe my mouth with toilet paper and approach the sink, gargling water until the taste is gone. I'll have to brush my teeth when I return to our room.

I feel better as I walk the halls again.

I nod at several troopers who spare me a second glance, as if I've gone mad.

Maybe I have gone mad.

I'm hit by a sudden wave of nerves as I finally approach the door. I take in a deep breath, half of me hoping he isn't in there when I open the door.

He isn't.

Thank God. Was I really ready for that?

Will I ever be ready?

Probably not.

The door is opening all too soon and I suck in a breath as I see his face. Well, his mask.

"Kylo, I need to talk to you." I say right away. His head flicks in my direction.

"You look like you're feeling better." He notices. He talks of my sickness as if he's treading on very thin ice.

"Kylo," I remind him of what I'd said only seconds ago.

"Alright, what's wrong?" He asks, still standing in the doorway. I roll my eyes dramatically.

"Get your emo ass over here and take that stupid mask off." I sigh, feeling somewhat exasperated.

He removes his helmet in a quick manor and sets it on the bedside table, taking a spot on the bed in front of me.

"Okay, as I was sa-"

"Actually, before you start," he interrupts, silencing me in the middle of my sentence. "I want to apologize for being so rude to you earlier. You didn't look horrible." He adds.

"Thank you, Ky." I accept.

"Now, what did you want to talk about? Is it a stomach bug?" He questions.

"Well, uh, kinda?" I agree awkwardly, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Mali, what's wrong?" He immediately assumes.

"You see-" I'm stopped again by the buzzing of Kylo's tracker.

"Hold on." He reaches for his helmet to answer.

"Kylo, this is important." I frown.

"It'll only be a second." He negotiates, answering the call. A few short, quiet words slip out of his mouth before he hangs up.

"That must've been really important." I muse.

"Actually, Hux invited me to-"

"Kylo." I stop him as he'd stopped me twice now; his words seem to have caught in his throat and his mouth is left open.

"Could you get to the point?" He questions, growing restless.

"I've been trying to for the past 10 minutes." I point out.

"Okay." He coaxes me to say it. I decide to spit the words out fast, so I can't be interrupted again.

"I'm pregnant." I finally say, a smile slowly growing on my face.

"Y-you what?" Kylo stutters, his eyes widening.

I throw my arms around him and bury my face in his chest in a happy manner. He's quick to intercept my hug, wrapping his arms around my small body and putting his lips on the top of my head.

"That's wonderful." He mumbles into my hair.

Kylo wanted to be happy when he heard her revelation.

But, little did Mali know, it struck terror in his heart instead.

-

hey everybody!

no more foreshadowing, she finally said it

hmmm

what'll happen next, I wonder??

I can't wait to see what you guys say:))

I'll send extra Kylo love for any of you who need it💖💖

anyway

so

it's still spring break, which means hopefully more updates to come!

I love you mucho lovelies!

kait