Kylo's pov

"I appraise you for carrying out my request, my apprentice. Detachment will only make you stronger."

Snoke's words echo on the cavern walls as I retreat at a brisk pace. I know nothing good could've come out of my answer.

I slam the door open, narrowly avoiding hitting Hux in the face as he saves himself.

"Ren-" He starts.

"Not now, imbecile. I'm preoccupied." I growl, my fists clenched. Hux raises his eyebrows in a teasing manor, and it's all I can do to keep myself from slamming the look off his face.

I'm hit with the realization that I no longer wish to destroy life at even the wrong glance, and it only makes more rage coarse through my veins.

"Is it the kidnapping of that useless woman you're so worried about?" He sneers. I raise my hand, catching him in a force choke. His grey eyes bulge out of his head.

I'd never seen another human who resembles so closely to a rat.

"I will not hesitate to swipe the breath out of your own useless lungs. You're easily replaced; you fail to realize this." I hiss, my eyes narrowed, my voice deep and terrifying. My face is invisible to him, covered by my mask.

I'm grateful for this.

Nothing would satisfy him more than seeing the angry tears threatening to spill over my pale cheeks.

Crying when angry is something that Ben Solo did.

But Ben Solo is gone.

Or so you thought.

I bare my teeth and slam Hux down on the ground, rendering him unconscious.

I step past his limp pile of limbs and make my way to my own private bedroom. I stare down at passing troopers, daring them to stop me with pointless information.

I care about nothing that doesn't have to do with her.

My hand stops on top of my door. I pause, feeling an eerie gaze burning on my shoulder. I slowly turn my head, eyes narrowed on a pilot trooper frozen in place.

I think of FN-2187 then.

Chills run down my spine and I slam into my room, shaking my head.

There was something about the trooper. The way they looked at me.

They weren't terrified of my presence; in fact, they were curious.

They know something, I realize.

I twist the doorknob and burst outside again, peering down the hallway.

The trooper is gone.

I back away, letting the door click shut. I fall onto my bed, tearing my helmet away and staring at the cool, black metal of the ceiling.

She won't leave my head.

A small part of me wishes I could forget falling in love with her and fulfill my destiny; my duty to the dark side.

But I can't.

I know it, deep in my cold heart.

I can't.

My eyes drift to my bedside table where a small communicator rests. The one I'd secretly confiscated from Mali after she stopped talking to Poe.

Yes, I knew she was talking to Poe all that time ago.

I pick it up, letting it rest in the palm of my hand.

"Hello? Ben? Is that you?" The voice of my sister comes through right away.

"Is she there?" I ask, not wasting time with pleasantries.

"Who? Oh, you mean that Mali girl, right? Yeah, she's here." Ava says nonchalantly. I can almost see her glancing at her nails as if this communication is of no importance to her.

"She is? Is she feeling okay? She didn't hurt herself in the woods? She hasn't gotten sick? She's pr-" I fire questions at her right away, mentally slapping myself for showing my worry so obviously.

"I'm gonna stop you right there, Benny." She interrupts, a bored tone sticking out in her voice.

"This is serious, Av-"

"I know you're serious, big bro. She's perfectly okay. I promise. Now, stop bugging me?" My sister implies. There's a fuzzy sound and I can hear her yell something muffled at my brother. I frown.

"I wish I could see her." I sigh. It's only been a day and a half, but I miss her and I can feel the guilt threatening to crush me.

"You know you can't, Ben. Not unless you betray the First Order. Me and you both know you aren't ballsy enough to do it." She exhales.

I know what she says is true but I don't want to admit it to myself.

"I'm not Ben, you know." I mutter, tongue tied.

"Yeah, you seized to be when you murdered Father in cold blood. The Ben I knew never would've done that." Her voice is soft and I realize she's crying. My cheeks burn and my mouth opens and closes, almost speechless.

"Ava-"

"Listen, Be- Ren. I gotta go. I have better things to do." She spits, before cutting the connection.

The communicator slips out of my hand, falling onto the sheets.

I grasp my saber and rip it from my waistband, noticeably tearing the leather belt loop that once held it.

I ignite the elegant red weapon, slashing at the black curtains and the wall without much thought.

I yell furiously, tears falling over my cheeks. I wipe them away, feeling weak.

Ben Solo is dead.

Ben Solo is dead.

Ben Solo is dead.

I chant, throwing my blade down on the floor. It swishes shut, and I fall to my knees, clawing at my own face.

I see crimson in my fingernails and feel blood trickle down my cheeks.

The room falls quiet then, the only noise are my ragged, heavy breaths.

I curl up on the floor, my black hair sticky with blood, and shut my eyes, only losing vision from one.

I am truly being torn apart.

Her mind is active. I can feel it.

My eyes fly open and my heart rate picks up.

I gently pry into her mind, wishing only to do one thing.

"I'll see you again. I promise." I whisper, before letting the relieving hands of sleep turn me over.

-

hello

yes i realize that wasn't my best but it's here

a little insight on kylo:))

okay i have like three things to say

1. please please check out covet i promise you'll fall in love

2. please vote and comment and show some love:))

3. please refer back to 1 and 2

ily all

kait