The green vastness spreads out before me, joining hands with the light blue sky far out on the horizon. The sun lights the scenery you'd expect the hills to come alive to sing you a lullaby.

"Hey," she says from behind me as if I was expecting her.

"Hey." I smile. It's good to see her again.

"How are you doing?" Her smile is wide and pure, and I can't help but smile back, even despite it all.

"I'm okay," I say.

"You wouldn't be here if you were okay." She has a point. Still, though.

"I like it here," I disagree. "It's peaceful." The most peace I have known in a long time.

"That's what you think." She starts walking towards the sun that is slowly setting, giving everything that golden glow.

"How have you been?" I ask her, not wanting to be the focus of the conversation.

"Same old same old. Nothing much happens here, I just wait for your visits. But you're not here to talk about me, so what's on your mind?"

"I don't know, I just came to say hi." I've missed her.

"You always come here for a reason," she accuses.

"No, I don't," I insist, knowing I'm lying to her.

"How's Lindsay Evans doing?" The name stirs something in me. Memories. Curled up papers, crossed out notes, stacks and stacks of print outs, lists of lists...

"The funeral is over," I whisper. "She only has work to keep her occupied now. She keeps calling the lawyer too, she wants to know what is going to happen to Michelle. Karl is worried. I don't think it's crossed her mind that it's a conflict of interest. I don't blame her though, a sister is not someone you just let go of."

"What about you, are you worried about her?"

"I think she might have reached the limit of what she can handle." I step around one of the big gray stones. "I think she might be trying too hard to be okay. She's not grieving, she's going over her to-do list."

"So what are you going to do?" she asks as if it was the most natural next step.

"Do? I don't really think it's my place to do anything, I barely knew Robert, I never met Michelle. I barely know any of them."

"That's your choice." She sits down on one of the stones. "If that is what you truly want."

"What else is there?"

"I don't know," she admits. She looks over her shoulder at the setting sun, only it's not setting anymore, it's set. "Time is almost up, I have to leave now. I'll see you later."

"See you later Zoe." She jumps up and gives me a hug. Her fading figure smiles at me, and the first streak of light from the rising star banishes her for now. I look down at her gravestone seat.

NICAA HARPER

REPETITIVE BUT USEFUL

I wake up with a jerk.

The green pasture spreads out like a picnic blanket at my feet. The blue sky cradles the red star in a blanket of yellow clouds. I start walking, feeling the soft grass on my bare feet, listening to the birds sing the sun to sleep.

"There you are," she comes running up from behind me. "Slow down, what's your hurry."

"I'm sorry, just had a bit of a bad day," I admit.

"Oh, how come?" Her tone is light as a fairy, and I almost smile. This is how I want to remember her. Happy and carefree.

"I'm not sure."

"Well, what happened?" she insists.

"The same as every other day." It sounds empty, but it's actually the truth.

"How is Catherine Parker doing? She's staying with the Porters now, isn't she?"

"I think that was good for her." She's been less none-smiley. Like, she doesn't actually smile more, she just doesn't not smile as noticeably.

"So, you think she'll be alright?"

"I don't think this is something you just recover from. Catherine puts her faith in people, in them being there for her. I'm not sure she knows what to do now. I think she and Lindsay are pretty close, but Lindsay also has Michelle to deal with. I don't think either of them will want to lean on each other, they wouldn't want to burden the other with their problems. But the Porters will be there for Catherine."

"So she'll be okay?" She takes a seat on a rock.

"She watched her fiancé die, and I have a suspicion he was also her best friend. I don't know if there is an alright to be after that."

"So what? Will you bake her a cake again, hope that'll help her back on her feet?"

"No. No cake. That'd just remind her of the wedding she won't get to have."

"What then?"

"Nothing. There's nothing I can do."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you suggest I do?" But the first light of the day comes up behind me and she vanishes. "I don't think there is anything I can do." I look down on her seat.

NICAA HARPER

DISTANT FRIEND

I wake up with a jerk.

The green pasture spreads out before me, joining hands with the deep red sky, cuddling the flaming star.

"You're back!" she exclaims from behind me.

"And hello to you too." I smile and give her a hug.

"So, what is it this time?" she demands.

"What do you mean? Honestly, girl, you don't make a lick of sense sometimes. I just stopped by to say hi."

"Really? So there's absolutely nothing troubling you?"

"Of course there are things troubling me, but that doesn't mean I only came to talk about that. I miss you."

"Sure you do." She smiles and nudges me gently in the arm.

"What is that supposed to mean? I miss our evenings together, miss you making fun of my movie collection, talking about school, complaining about boys."

"You miss having some to talk to you mean."

"That's not fair!" I reprimand her.

"Miss someone to boss around, miss being the one who knows what's she's doing, being the superior one."

"That is not fair!"

"Okay, fine, have it your way. How is Karl Holt doing?"

"That's none of my business," I answer sternly.

"Why not?"

"He's a very private person, he wouldn't want me meddling in his personal life, guessing about his feelings."

"He isn't here, he'll never know," she insists.

"I'll know. It's rude." I kick a stone on the path in front of me.

"Have you ever considered that you might be holding yourself back with all these rules about properness?"

"No, never," I lie.

"You're lying," she calls me out. I hate how she seems to know everything.

"What, so you can read my mind now? How very insightful of you."

"I'll make you a deal, you tell me about Karl and I'll stop snooping in your private feelings." She takes a seat on one of the great rocks. I don't want to talk about it, but somehow I find myself answering anyways.

"He feels responsible. The team is his responsibility, it's his job to make them work together. He did nothing wrong, but he feels like he failed. He keeps looking at Lindsay. All the others look at Catherine, but Karl is more worried about Lindsay."

"Have you considered telling him it wasn't his fault?"

"He would never take my word for it."

"Then whose word would he take?"

"I don't know. No one on the team, no one I've met. His ex-wife, maybe. I don't know how they left things." The picture in the closet seems to indicate he still loves his family though, including his ex-wife.

"But she's not there. Don't you think someone should say something?"

"Yes, of course, I do. It's not right that he blames himself." None of it is right, none of it.

"But that someone shouldn't be you." She nods in understanding. "It's late, I have to go now." I look to the horizon. Indeed it is late. A rim of light spreads over the field. I look down at her now empty seat.

NICAA HARPER

FRIEND AND DAUGHTER

I wake up with a jerk.

The vast green field spreads out around me. The setting sun strokes my cheek with its last light and bids me goodnight.

"You're late," she complains.

"Have you been waiting long?" I ask innocently.

"Not too long. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, thank you."

"You wouldn't be here if you were okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about." I look down at the ground, avoiding her piercing eyes demanding more truth.

"How about John Lucas? How's he doing?" That reminds me of something. Unfinished dinners, a voice crying out in the night, a hand resting near the gun holster on his hip.

"He can't save anyone." I look down and step around the gray stone. "He didn't save his sister, he didn't save Robert, he didn't save his mom. He didn't save anyone. He thinks he's a failure."

"Do you think that?" She takes a seat on one of the stones.

"I think he has done as well as anyone could expect. If a 10-year-old could cure cancer it would be considered a miracle. Lindsay told him the phone calls came in after Elena was dead, the only way he could have known that she needed him was through a crystal ball. Robert had four colleges working every day to save him, not to mention Agent Johnson's team. The only way John could be allowed to claim all the blame for himself was if he was god."

"Ever considered telling him that?"

"He would never take my word for it. I'm just a reminder of the past, he has no reason to listen to me, and every reason to shut me out."

"Then maybe you shouldn't let him." A stream of light hits her and she vanishes. I look down at her seat.

NICAA HARPER

OLD FRIEND AND ACCIDENTAL DAUGTHER

I wake up with a jerk.

The green grass wraps around my bare toes. The dark night sky twinkles with stars, all shining their brightest, competing for my attention. I look around to see if I can find her.

"She's not here," a child's voice tells me. She sticks her head out from behind a tree. "She gave up on you. She said you were impossible to deal with."

"So you came instead?" I ask her.

"She said I had to." She comes fully out from behind the tree and sticks her hand in mine.

"So you didn't want to come see me?" I force a smile into my voice.

"I was busy playing. She said you might be joining me soon. Is that true Nicaa? Will you come play with me again? Like you used to?"

"I don't know, Liv."

"You mean you don't want to?" she crosses her arms and pouts her lips, just like she used to when I wouldn't give her cocoa puffs for dinner. "You never want to play."

"I'm sorry Liv, I didn't mean..."

"Is it because you're scared?"

"Yes, I'm scared," I admit. I never could lie to her. Maybe that's why Zoe chose her.

"Remember what you used to tell me about the dark?"

"Yes, I do. I remember. But it's not that simple Liv."

I wake up with a jerk. Today's the day. Today I leave. Tomorrow the string could start. 1,8,11 is officially coming for me.