~Y/N POV~

After dinner I just told Jaemin goodnight and decided a early night for me was best. I am pretty tired but I guess it's to be expected for being almost half way through my pregnancy already.

Just laying in bed I kept to my own thoughts which consisted of my future in this place.

It also doesn't help that I'm starting to feel the baby move and that just makes it even more real besides the picture I have stored away in one of my drawers in my beside table.

Being a half breed sucks.

I heard a soft knock on my door to which I assumed would be Jaemin so I sat up on my bed, turning on my lamp just to rest my back to the headboard.

"Come in."

The door opened and to my shock Namjoon stepped in but not fully, just one foot through the threshold.

"It's only me, are you still okay if I come in?" Namjoon

I nodded, pulling up my bed covers as if it were some protective shield.

"Yeah."

"Thanks." Namjoon

He walked in and came towards my bed but to sit on the end of it, his whole body turned away but to face the wall opposite him and place his hands to his lap. What surprised me was that he didn't shut the door, he kept it open.

"Erm, are you going to close that?"

I pointed towards the wide open door to which he looked over at it and then to me, expressing nothing to what he was feeling right now.

"I didn't think you would want me to if it was just the two of us in here." Namjoon

Oh that's right. Jungkook was with us last time and this time he's not.

"Okay then."

I mumbled and looked down to my hands that I just realised were instinctively resting on my bump.

"Y/n I came here to tell you something. Well a few things actually and you'd be the last to know in this house because I thought it would be best if I tell you and explain what needs to be explained by me personally and not from someone else." Namjoon

Raising a brow towards him I only nodded, unsure of what he wants to discuss with me. It's not like we have a lot to talk about anyway. We've barely spoken since what happened, just a few words here and there obviously since it's hard to completely ignore his existence.

"Well tell away then."

He nodded at me, shooting me a quick glance before sighing when he turned his head back to stare at the wall.

"Those laws you wanted me to push through and become real are somewhat underway to becoming reality. One, the abortion laws are still being processed through Governor Lang but he assured me I proved a strong case with some things when it comes to half breeds." Namjoon

"So it could pass then?"

"Yes. Not right now but soon. Hopefully." Namjoon

A small smile crept up on my face, knowing he actually did that. To be honest I didn't think he would. I thought he would shrug that idea off and forget about it but I was wrong.

"But there is another that I thought should be in place and that's to protect half breeds from any sexual harassment outside private sessions in the rightful household the person would be at the time." Namjoon

I didn't expect that one. Hell I didn't even ask him about that one.

"R-Really?"

Namjoon nods, taking off his glasses, folding them up to tuck away in the pockets of his baby blue shirt.

"Yes. It passed a couple days ago, so it's law now. Which brings me to my last thing I wanted to tell you." Namjoon

What has he done now?

I didn't say anything but stare at him shocked by this and watched him inhale a deep breath, his shoulders moving up and down slowly after he breathes back out.

"After......you know.....what I did to you I erm." Namjoon

He cleared his throat, unbuttoning his collar around his neck.

"I turned myself in the same day the law passed and starting tomorrow I start my prison sentence. I should be back out in a couple months before you.....well deliver." Namjoon

I just stared at him, stunned, total disbelief and yet a little thankful towards him.

But when I didn't say anything to him he just finally willed himself to turn his upper body to face me more directly, expressing a deep frown on his face.

"Are you okay? You haven't said anything." Namjoon

Shaking my head I just tried to piece together what I could say to him.

"I-I just.....I don't know what to say really. I'm surprised."

And that I am.

Vampire prisons are very hard up. Dangerous even. Some are lucky to even come out of that place alive or in one peace. Come to think of it, I'm starting to think if this is true, Namjoon wont be the same man when he comes back out.

And I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing.

"Well I just wanted to tell you myself before tomorrow. I'll just leave you to get some sleep, you look tired anyway." Namjoon

He stood up from the bed, ready to leave already making his way towards the door but just thinking about that prison made me feel somewhat sad for him. I agree he needs to be punished in some way but a part of me worries for him.

"WAIT!"

My voice came out more loud and urgent than I meant it to and sunk back into my pillows. Thankfully he paused mid step and turned around on his heels, brows creased together and head slightly tilted to the side.

"Y/n?" Namjoon

"You don't have to leave just yet."

I don't know where this is coming from. Even I'm surprised by my actions and looked away from him but to my carpet on the floor.

"Really Y/n it's no problem. I said what I needed to." Namjoon

Again I heard his steps and I threw the covers off my legs and moved as fast as I could to grab his wrist, preventing him from going any further.

He whipped his head around over his shoulder, eyes wide and set on my hand to his wrist. Why the fuck did I do that?

Realising what I did I removed my hand from his and sat down on the edge of the bed as he turned around to face me more directly.

"Is this your someway of goodbye. Explain how things are going to happen and then leave?"

To be honest I was a little hurt by that. Well torn between my feelings. Half of me was like good riddance but the other was just wanting him to stay.

"In some way or another yes. I don't deserve the respect of getting a proper goodbye from you and to be honest it didn't seem like a good idea given our past history. I was thinking about you." Namjoon

He gestured towards me with one hand and threw it back behind his back.

"You're very confusing Namjoon you know that right?"

A bitter chuckle came from him and yet I saw the way his frown deepened and shifted on his feet.

"I  don't understand. I'm confusing?" Namjoon

I nodded at him, just to look up at him with a sharp glare while I balled up my sheets into my hands.

"Yes. I'm a little confused how to feel about you myself right now but you make out you're this respectable, yet well mannered business man who's family oriented. But that day what you did to me was a completely different side to you that I don't think anyone has ever seen in you. You were a monster that day but right now you're acting like a saint."

Scoffing at the last part, I felt angry. For months now he's been confusing the fuck out of me.

"That you never left my mind Namjoon. That look in your eyes, your voice, even your touch. It haunts me every single day and yet your now here setting laws in place that I asked you to do in my favour. Willingly going to prison, the mostly deadly may I add to make up for your wrong doings. Which man are you Namjoon?"

I dared to stare him right in the eyes, those crimson red eyes boring into my very soul as he twists his lips, clenching his jaw. That anger I saw in him once before was emerging, I could see it. But he's not letting it pass him this time, restraining himself.

"Every person in this world has their demons Y/n. It's just unfortunate you saw mine so soon. My temper can be very ugly. Like I have told you before I have no excuse to give you for my actions, but I will spend every second of my life making it up to you." Namjoon

"Why? Why do you feel the need to Namjoon? I'm just some half breed, a walking breeding machine in this world. You could just shrug it off, tell me to get over it and deal but you don't. I can see that guilt and regret in your eyes every time you look at me so what makes me so special?"

Never do his eyes leave mine, he only takes a deep breath through the mouth and lets it out through the nose.

"There's a lot special about you Y/n. You just cant see it like the rest of us. In fact you have no idea how it feels to look at you, to watch you around the house or when we go out for the day." Namjoon

Namjoon stepped closer, his legs almost touching my own as I look up at him staring down at me so seriously it almost scares me but not in the same way as last time.

"Every time I look at you, I watch you with the others. Happy, almost carefree even and that's the way I'd like to be while you live here. In fact I get a little jealous because you never look at me like that but I know that is my mistake that I must live with for the rest of my life. As for the baby....." Namjoon

He looks down at my belly which makes me do the same thing, circling my hands around it protectively and then back up to meet his eyes once again.

"I want to be happy about that. It's something I have always wanted in my life but I ruined that for not only you, but myself. Not only am I jealous when I look at you but I feel shame and I'm scared that I'll look at this child and be reminded of it." Namjoon

"And you think I wont be?"

He hummed at me, stepping back giving me my space back.

"I know you will be, you already make that obvious and that only makes me feel worse. Like I said, I ruined everything between us Y/n and I'm trying to make things right. Even if it means going to prison and possibly never coming out. I must pay my do's in life." Namjoon

I watched him walk backwards towards the door, never taking his eyes off me just to stop in the frame.

"I really wish things were different between us Y/n. I really do. No words or actions will make up for it no matter what I do, I know that but at least I can try. I'd die trying if that is what it takes. Just look after yourself Y/n, that's all I ask. Please." Namjoon

Then just like that he walked out the room, closing the door behind him to leave me with my thoughts.

I wished things were different between us too.