I feel like that picture is like a perfect summary of this fic from Gerard's POV, plus there's like an accidental MCR reference in there too.

TW this chapter contains verbal insults and a panic attack, also a slight mention of rape, which is marked with ~, and that same blob are some extremely self-derogatory thoughts too. And in the second blob and also the first blog there is mention of non-consensual drug use. Oh yeah, and there's also mentions of character death and murder. 

This is such a happy fic.

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Gerard wiped down the recently vacated table in the now-empty coffee shop, squeezing out the tag over the top bucket in the corner when he finished.

One of his coworkers, Pete, came out of the back to presumably switch over jobs, between wiping tables and being the cashier.

Gerard handed him the bottle of cleaning spray with no more than an exchanged smile.

Pete was just a high school senior, slightly younger than Gerard. In fact, he was almost the same age as Mikey would be.

Mikey and Gerard used to go to this exact shop sometimes on the weekends, a lot after Elena died and even more after their parents were killed.

Pete had written his phone number on Mikey's receipt.

It was in his jeans pocket when his body was found dumped under a playground structure at the park.

Gerard went behind the counter, ready to take an order.

Luckily for him, he nearly escaped his whole turn without a single customer besides an elderly man, but that streak was ruined when a snotty Karen-looking lady walked in.

Gerard tried not to judge people based on their looks, but it was hard fighting off the anxiety he had developed in association with people like her. They tended to be harsh, and they expected perfection, and he really thought he was under enough stress as it was today, and adding unwanted social interaction was getting close to tipping the scale into a mental breakdown.

She approached the register, and he attempted at a friendly smile, issuing his typical greeting.

"H-hello, can I help you?" he said, miraculously only stuttering a little. She fixed him with a glare that made him want to hide behind the counter and cry.

She subtly rolled her eyes.

"I'll have my usual, extra flavor," she said, not bothering to tack on a 'please' or 'thank you'.

Gerard panicked even more internally.

"U-um, I'm sorry ma'am, but I've only been working here a day, and I haven't met you before," he said as politely as he could.

She scoffed.

 "What, and they didn't tell you my order?" She said rudely, and it was really taking everything in Gerard not to cry right now. "You're just incompetent."

 "I'm sorry," he apologized struggling to stop the burning behind his eyes. "I can make whatever it is you want, I swear no one told me, but I'm sure I know how to make it," he tried.

She glared at him with disgust.

"Seriously, this is pathetic," she complained. "I expect better. You don't even know my order," she spat with venom. "Why would they ever let a fag like you work here, you're completely incompetent! Are you crying right now!?"

Gerard wiped his eyes and realized that he was indeed crying . His whole body was trembling, and he could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Pathetic," she said like it burned in her mouth.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," he choked out feeling his breath begin to stop and clog his throat.

"What's wrong with you!?" she exclaimed, not with concern, but angrily. He couldn't respond, all he could do was grip into the counter tightly, struggling to not fall to the ground.

She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly Pete was there, on her side of the counter, and he was furious.

 "Don't you fucking say a thing about him!" Pete said angrily, and honestly, he was a lot scarier than her. "You can't talk to people like that, it's fucking rude and your making him upset! It's not his fucking fault he doesn't know your order you stuck-up pretentious bitch!"

The lady looked shocked and opened her mouth to say something, but Pete cut her off again, continuing to go off for a few minutes, being so loud that eventually their manager and one of the bakers came out of the back.

Gerard hated all the attention, but he couldn't add his opinion to anything because he was still struggling to breath, his legs trembling and tears pouring out of his eyes. He felt terrible for disrupting the whole work day, and somewhere in his head where he wasn't panicking about life in general he was panicking about losing his job.

 "What's going on here?" Lindsey, the manager, asked angrily. Gerard let out a strangled sob and prayed that she wasn't angry at him.

"This bitch was going on about Gerard," Pete said, glowering at said lady.

"He wouldn't fill my order!" She defended.

"She didn't tell him what it was!" Pete said, getting worked up again. "And she called him a fag!"

Lindsey's glare hardened, and Gerard hoped she wasn't about to rip him to pieces.

Instead, she said to the lady in a cold voice:

"If you or anyone else who happens to buy food here has a problem with who me or my employees may or may not choose to sleep with, then you can fucking deal with me, and believe me, you will not be walking away from that encounter," she seethed, and the woman looked genuinely scared for her life.

"Now get the fuck out," she ordered, and the woman scurried away, mumbling under her breath.

Gerard slid down to the floor with his back to the counter, tugging his knees up to his chest and attempting to hide in them as he felt anxiety and panic overwhelm him.

"I-i-i'm s-sorr-r-y-y," he gasped out, shuddering as more tears leaked out of his eyes.

"Oh god, are you okay Gerard?!"

He wasn't sure who said it, but he shook his head frantically, flinching away when someone touched his shoulder gently.

"I-I'm sorry, p-please don't fire m-me," he begged.

He heard mumbling, but he was too busy drowning in his mind to hear.

~                                                                                                    

Every failure of his life was rushing through his mind. 

If he had gone out with Mikey like his brother had wanted to, instead of staying home to work on his art project, if he had just come with his baby brother, and then maybe he would be okay.

Going to that stupid fucking party, and drinking that stupid fucking drink that girl had handed him, completely losing control of his senses, all the details were rushing through his brain and ripping his heart and mind to shreds.

He hated himself. Absolutely hated himself. He was so stupid and worthless and pathetic, he never should have been born. He wished he could just die, disappear without consequence, but he could never do that. He had Miles and Bandit. 

~

Miles and Bandit...

They deserved so much better than him, but he was all they had, and they were all he had.

As his kids' faces floated to the front of his consciousness, he felt his chest loosen just a little bit.

Miles and Bandit.

He kept repeating their names, remembering all the cute little things they had done for him, the pictures they had made for him the previous day, and the way they cuddled into his chest at night when they were all going to sleep, they way they hugged him right when he had a nightmare, or told him that it was okay because they loved him so so so much.

As he felt his panic disapating, he saw his co-workers gathered in front of him, Pete, Lindsey, and a guy he was pretty sure was named Ray.

He reached up to wipe at his cheeks.

"Are you okay, Gerard?" Pete asked, looking at him with concern. 

"Y-yeah," he said shakily, a few tears still trailed down his cheeks, and he was suddenly hit with the realization that his boss was sitting right in front of him and just watched him completely fuck up his job and then have a panic attack over it. "I-I'm sorry," he said, sniffing and hugging himself briefly.

Lindsey looked at him quizically.

"For what?" She asked. "You didn't do anything wrong, she was a bitch."

" C-cause I fucked it all up and you probably don't want me to work for you anymore, I'm sorry," he repeated instinctualy.

Lindsey frowned. "Did someone fire you for having a panic attack before? That was what that was, right?"

Gerard nodded timidly. 

~

When he was sixteen he had been fired for breaking down when one of his co-workers told him he needed to stop pretending like he was raped and just admit he was an irresponsible loser with two kids at fifteen. His boss told him he needed to stop being so sensitive and quite being so anxious and depressed if he expected to have a job.

That was of course before he realized that he would never be taken seriously and had said that he was drugged at a party when someone asked him about the twins.

Now he just let people think what they wanted.

~

 "That's terrible," she gasped. "That's a serious thing, I would never punish you for that. You're allowed to feel your own emotions and your allowed to cry sometimes."

"Thank you," he smiled, and he was so glad he chose to work there.

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Kay so that happened.

I already know basically all that's gonna happen in the next chapter so it will HOPEFULLY be up soon. I make no guarantees, but I really like writing this so yeah.

Anyway, I hope you liked it.

Love you guys!

- Brightside