I've never felt like I'm good at anything. I try many different things throughout my childhood. From art classes to dance classes and even gymnastics, but none of that worked out. I was average at best in single one of those activities. I don't even know why I stayed in them so long. I guess it was the fact that all of them were my dream at some point. To be a famous painter; to be world renown dancer; to be an olympic gymnast. Sadly, none of that worked out.

As the years passed I realized that I really enjoy baking. It started out with making box cakes that I bought at the store, but those boxes soon got replaced by ingredients to make a cake from scratch. Even if i wasn't the best baker out there, I still did not want to give up. The problem with that is that I'm a perfectionist, at least when it comes to baking. When something doesn't turn out the way I want to I will get frustrated since it makes me feel useless. Even something as simple as a cake not looking like I imagine will put me in a bad mood, but knowing that someone might like what I bake makes it worth it.

Unfortunately, not everything I bake will be up to me expectations. People may say it's good, but I believe they are just saying it out of courtesy. They never get seconds or ask me to bake it again. I'm also completely irrational sometimes. My mom baked a cake one day and my dad and my brother were all over it. Saying how good it was and how they wanted to eat more. Then my brother looked at me and told me in a mocking way if it hurt me that my mom's baking was better than mine. I pretended to not care, but in reality I did. A lot.

My mom who never bakes anything had gotten what I had been striving for this whole time and I couldn't help but be pissed off at her. Days after that, whenever someone would get a slice of cake it would hut me once again. Completely illogical, but thats just how I am.

Which leads to the main point of this. I am completely insecure of myself. I am afraid of being alone and not liked. I never approach new people because I'm afraid they are going to be bother by my presence.

My family often jokes about how I'm going to end up alone. They may not realize it, but it hurts me a lot. The fact that the only two guys that I've truly liked ditched me doesn't make it any better. At this point I just want someone to tell me that it's okay to feel this way now, but that they are going to make me feel better about myself.

Sometimes I think that I will never get it, but a girl can dream.
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A/N
Once again I'm just ranting about my life. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so wattpad is my best choice. At least that way I don't keep it in. It's probably a jumble mess but it helps me. Not edited.