(I did a cat because I love them okay lmao)

6AM. Meow constantly until my human room mates let me out and/ or wake up. I'm on a tight schedule goddamnit!

6.30- After some incessant meowing, I proceed to look at said room mate with a look of, “The fuck you looking at?” I do not thank them for their actions. We all share this house equally.

7.30 After an hour- long nap, I proceed to have some breakfast. Turkey in gravy I see. I look at it with a discerning expression. I woke up for this?

7.40 Food is exhausting. I need a nap.

9.00 Time to head out into the garden, I think. Nothing of note out here today. Birds are all in the trees, tweeting mockingly. I sneer up at them. One day…

11.00 I head back inside for a pre- lunch nap. Ah, the housemate's favourite spot on the sofa looks like the perfect place for my slumber.

12.30 I am fed salmon in jelly this time, with some dry biscuits on the side. Two course meals are of course the best.

1.30 After a quick patrol of the house, I take up a spot on the windowsill for my daily surveillance. I neglect to climb in the room- mate's pot plant this time.

2.30 Nothing of note this afternoon outside. One or two dogs passed, though this did not faze me. Roommate calls me asking if I will play. I give them an apologetic but slightly uncaring look and walk away for a toilet break.

2.45 I like a nice, clean toilet. Number two's this time round. The roommate cleans it up with a disgusted look on their face. It is nice of them to clean up after me. They're ever so tidy.

3.15 I resume my place on the sofa for a lengthy afternoon nap. Before I sleep the roommate protests, nudging me gently, but I refuse to move. I attempt a cute gesture and the room mate settles itself at the other end of the sofa. It appears they are swayed by my good looks.

5.00 The other roommate returns home. This is the larger male. He pats my head as I welcome him back, stepping over me carefully. It's nice when they appreciate my size.

5.30 Dinner time for me. Beef in gravy this time. Not my favourite but there is a small side serving of some shredded pork. I like it when the roommates share some of their food with me. If they won't eat it, I may as well. The water I wash it down with is fresh and cool.

6.00 Time for my last patrol of the day. I step outside briefly to observe the birds, but they have gone. Room mate has left a cup on the coffee table, I note as I walk back inside. I neglect to knock it off this time- I am in a good mood today. I finish the patrol of the interior. All safe.

7.30 I settle myself on the back of the sofa for the evening. Once the humans are gone I can sleep on the chair. Tall human reaches back and pats me, as if to thank me for my presence. This was a good, peaceful day I say to myself.