*A/N: Slightly NSFW. Adult words used. Feacal matter discussed. If you don't like any of these things, leave now. You have been warned! Now onwards!”

David Pryce knew it was a mistake coming in to work today. He sat in the boardroom nervously shifting about on his chair, dreading the moment it would come again. The rumbling. The pain. And then the disaster- an averted one, if he could help it.

It cannot be said any simpler. David had diarrhoea.

The kind that won't let you get off the toilet, lest you make an almighty- smelling mess elsewhere. The kind that makes you shit until you can shit no more. Yet the stomach- bug monster claims us all at some point, even a big corporate project developer like David Pryce.

The rest of the board walked into the room in bits and pieces, their plain expressions and smart attire making them look like a jury filing into the courtroom. David shuffled about on his seat, ready to listen to the others- and maybe speak himself- but always afraid of that constant presence lurking in his intestines.

Please, God, not today, he prayed silently to himself. How important was this meeting really? Couldn't I have just taken a day off? David gave a strained, but outwardly warm, smile to the people that greeted him. James from the office next door to his made a humorous remark about a curry Dave from Marketing had shared with him over the weekend. David grimaced, reminded of his own discomfort.

Why oh why had he been out of Immodium?

Almost immediately after the meeting started he could feel it. Bubbling away like a just- dropped can, ready to unleash hell on whoever was nearby. He turned to James.

“D'you reckon I could make it to the loo without anyone protesting?”

James smirked and muttered back, “I'd wait a bit. Get some of the main points down first. Boss looks like he's in a good mood anyway. Must've had a good bird on his arm last night.” He grinned at his own speculation.

David nodded slowly, trying to find a casual yet comfortable position in which to sit, so it didn't look like there was anything wrong. He didn't want to be sitting up one way and looking like he had a stick up his arse or something.

He tried to listen, jotting down a bit of stuff here and there. He wasn't really listening, but asked a general and intelligent- sounding question to win himself some brownie points. Finally he could take it no longer.

Lifting a hand up, he asked, “'Scuse me, could I just pop to the loo? Really sorry.”

“Well if you must.” the boss sighed, waving a hand and smiling wryly. “Can't have an accident now, can we?” David nodded and smiled and some of the room chuckled, including James.

David got up swiftly but securely, trying to hold back the torrent that was imminently going to arrive. He gave a tight smile and walked briefly to the door while the rest of his colleagues carried on talking. Thank God it was an informal meeting.

David's smile turned into a look of absolute horror as he accidentally farted.

He hoped it wasn't bad, as he rushed to the toilet with the urgency of a robber. He was wearing his grey suit today as well, and hoped that nobody had seen anything (if there was indeed anything). He almost sobbed as he made it into the disabled toilet- the only one not closed for cleaning at the time- and let his bowels loose.

“When will this end?” he cried, clutching his bag which he'd managed, thank God, to bring with him to the toilet. There was a small but really fucking embarrassing mess in his pants.

Luckily, he always brought a spare suit to the office in case he had to work into the night on stuff. Opening his holdall, he hastily pulled out the fresh clothes and laid them out. He stood up gingerly and wiped like he'd never wiped before, almost using a whole roll of paper. Luckily, they used the best loo roll in his workplace. With a look of absolute disgust, he pulled off his soiled clothes and quickly pulled the fresh ones on.

“Aah that's better,” he muttered to himself,before flushing the toilet and putting the soiled clothes in a carrier bag that was inside his holdall.

David washed his hands urgently, worriedly. Satisfied that he was completely clean, he stood up straight and walked defiantly out of the toilet, holdall over his shoulder. David knew there was a slight odour of pungent diarrhoea in the loo but he ignored it as best as he could.

He went directly over to the secretary sitting at her simple desk outside of the boss' office. “Could you let the big man know I've had to go to the doctor's? Bad stomach bug,” he grimaced, gesturing vaguely towards the toilet. He must've looked pale and sickly, because Grace (as she was called) gave him a look of sympathy.

“Right then. Remember to fill out one of these before you come back to work.” She delicately handed him a sickness form, her polished white smile on her face as always.

David took it and smiled wanly. “Thanks. I'll get a copy of my prescription too.”

Grace nodded and waved him off as he made his way towards the lifts, a grumbling pain still in his lower abdomen. David sighed and closed his eyes as the lift doors closed. Today had definitely made the ranks as one of the worst days of his life.