1.

Cop, teacher, authority figure: Can I speak with you?

Me: I DID NOTHING YOU HAVE NO WITNESSES!!!

C, T. AF: ...

Me: I said nothing. Proceed.

2.

Person: I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered by a cerial killer and their son is left cripped. Later his son is kidnapped and in a twist and turn of events, he has to rescue him with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Friend: Um... what's the movie?

Person: Finding Nemo.

3. That ackward moment when you walk into a room and everyone stares at you like you just killed someone.

4. Alarm Clocks: because every morning should start with heart attack.

5. If we're not suppose to talk to strangers, how are we suppose to make friends?

6.

"I move with grace, speed, and agility"

*2 seconds later they trip*

"Well that lasted long"

7.

1 a.m.

Normal people: It's late I better go to sleep

Me: WASSUP I STAYED UP PAST MIDNIGHT BEAT THAT!!!!

8. I do not need help, all of you are insane.

9. *picture of one of those toy vending machine thingys*

YAH I GOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED...

said no one ever.

10.

Mom: Go clean your room, we're having family over

Me: I didn't realise the gathering would be held in my bedroom

11.

"What are you doing here!?"

"Nice to see you too."

I'll post more later.