Episode 30: Pouring One's Feelings Out
Kohri and the others were invited to eat dinner soon after we arrived. I refused, however. Wasn't very hungry. Couldn't get the sight of Rosalba talking to Tetsuya out of my head. Despite her earlier anger at him, she appeared to have forgiven him yet again. She must've really loved him if she kept overlooking his actions. Or she was incredibly naïve. The latter wouldn't surprise me, she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
I'd tried to distract my mind with some books at the library, but that wasn't enough. My eyes would stare at the text but my mind wouldn't process it.
The thing I didn't understand was why seeing the princess with Tetsuya bothered me. It really shouldn't have. If it hadn't been for Eiichi, they would've been a couple by now.
"Surprised to see you here, thought that you would be in the library," a voice called out. Much to my surprise it wasn't Kohri nor my mom, but the second princess herself. She carried a plateful of foreign food.
I smiled slightly. "It's full, are you on your second helping? You're going to become fat if you continue eating like that."
The princess puffed her cheeks. "This isn't for me! It's for you. Your mom sent me to bring it to you."
So, it was Mom's doing...
I turned away. "I am fine, not hungry. Eat it yourself, it looked like you were starving earlier when you were talking with Tetsuya and Yuko."
Her cheeks turned bring pink. "Yeah, I was." She patted her stomach. "But I'm full now."
I pressed a hand against my face and leaned against the rail as I stared at the purple sky. The final traces of sunlight were nearly gone. "That's good. Had me a little worried there."
Rosa gasped. "You were worried?"
I let go of the wooden rail and scoffed. "Of course. You're an idiot who can't take care of herself."
She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're temping me to throw this food on that pretty face of yours."
I pressed a hand against my chin. "You can try, but you wouldn't hit your target."
"You sure? I've gotten faster!" Rosa said, closing the space between us.
I held out a hand and caressed her face. If I wanted to, I could've easily gotten behind her. She still had a lot of training to do.
"Hyo?" she asked. Her eyes widened as I brought my hand toward her chin.
I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. They were softer than I had imagined.
The plate hit the ground, but it didn't break nor spilled its contents as it danced on its based like a top.
Rosa's hands slammed against my chest, pushing me away. She looked up at me with watery eyes and ran back inside.
"Rosa!" I yelled, stretching a hand toward her. She slammed the door closed.
I would've gone after her, but that was probably a bad idea.
My hands slapped my face. Damn it! Why the cianio did I do that?
"Because, you like her," an androgynous voice called out. I spun around and saw my angel giving me a slight smile. It strode over to the plate of food that had fallen and picked it up. "You aren't going to eat this, right?"
Before I could answer, my angel started to eat some slices of what appeared to be beef covered in brown sauce.
"How did you appear? I didn't call you here," I said, gripping the hilt of my sword.
Baldo licked its sauce drenched fingers. "You didn't, but your heart did. It wanted someone to talk to."
I placed a hand over my chest. "My heart?"
"Yup, it might come off as cold and uncaring to others but in reality that's all an act. It secretly cares for others, but it doesn't wish to get hurt, again."
I glanced at the pond by where Iah had been trying to make the pebbles become one. Right now it was empty of people. Only a solitary koi fish swam in its waters.
"I'm a lone wolf. I don't need anyone."
Baldo glanced up and me and shook its head. "That's silly, wolves aren't solitary creatures. They're social animals just like humans. Keep telling yourself that it's better to be by yourself and you will be alone. Like I told you during your trial, you have to learn to open up that heart of yours. Maybe Rosa isn't the one for you, but you can always find someone else."
"No." My lungs felt as it they had a ton of bricks pressed against them.
Why did I have to fall for that princess? Wouldn't Setsuko have been more fitting? I might've even have had a better chance. Yet, this stupid heart of mine fell for the younger one. And despite knowing that she loved someone else, it still decided to try to pursue her, even if at a distance. How stupid could I be?
"Why not?" Baldo asked, its icy blue eyes digging into me.
I averted my eyes and clenched my blue shirt. "It hurts, I hate it! I hate love! I hate the heart!" I lowered my head. "I want rip it out so that it'll stop aching."
Baldo put down the now almost empty plate of food. "That's how your ancestors felt when they created the archdemons."
My eyes widened. "How do you know?"
An icy aura covered it. "Because, I was alive during the war with your people. I know more than the others minus Alma. Don't despair, Hyosetsu, for despair is the eighth deadly sin."
"Eighth sin?" I asked. "The stories are true?"
"Regarding the eighth archangel? I am unsure, but there was an eighth deadly sin. That feeling of wanting to give up on life is it. Life is a series of trials. It might hurt now, but better days are to come."
"How can you say that with such certainty?" I asked, leering at it.
Baldo closed its eyes as it vanished. "That's what the Sky Father promised. He always keeps his word. Don't give up on love, Hyo. For love in its various forms is the greatest gift of all."
The greatest gift... was love? How was that a gift? It felt more like a curse than anything.
"Seems you still have a lot to learn, Big Brother," Kohri said as he stepped from behind a pillar.
My eyes widened. "Since when were you standing there?"
He grinned. "You didn't sense me? Must've been out of it. I came a while ago. Saw Rosa on the way here, crying out 'Stupid Hyo!'" He pointed at the door. "You should've at least heard me open it. It's pretty loud due to how big and old it is."
I clenched my forehead. Stupid Hyo? I truly screwed up.
"Sorry. I must've been too focused on the aching feeling in my chest to have noticed," keeping my head down.
Kohri smiled slightly. "You went ahead and confessed, didn't you?"
I winced. "You knew my feelings toward her?"
He rubbed his nose and grinned. "Of course. Even Tetsu noticed. The only one who didn't were Rosa and you. Though, I think you already knew, but simply didn't wish to admit it."
My eyes closed. "Yeah, but it was pointless to let her know my feelings."
Kohri patted me on the shoulder. "Cheer up, Big Bro. You'll find someone who'll respond to your feelings one day."
My fingers curled around his hand. "Thanks, for trying to cheer me up," I whispered.
He leaped back. His eyes looked like they could fall off. "Did you just thank me?"
I huffed. "Why do you and that naïve princess react like that? I'm not completely devoid of emotions." Though, I wished I had been.
"I know, but it's still weird to hear you say it." He grinned. "I guess that your Mr. Ice Prince is really starting to defrost."
I shot him daggers with my eyes. "Do you prefer I stab you instead?"
He raised his hands and shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."
I sighed. Why was he such an oddball of a brother?
"Anyway, the preparations are almost ready. We'll be able to return home," Kohri said. He knelt down and picked up the empty plate from the floor. "We still have to bury Sir Eiji and prepare our next move against the abysmals."
I leaned against the rail and stared at the now night sky. "Yeah, we might've fended off their attack this time, but it still feels as if they won."
"Think that it really is impossible to win against them? A real victory, not a pyrrhic one."
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"What?" I asked, avoiding eye contact.
"Are you really Hyo?"
"Huh?"
He swung his hands behind his head. "Maybe it's due to the heart break, but you've been acting pretty weird. The old you wouldn't ask such a question, instead he would've strived to achieve victory at all costs."
I scoffed. "At all costs? That's funny to hear you say as you're the one who told me that I should care for others."
"Which you should. Hmm, I guess a balance is optimal. One can't win if they're not ready to give up their life."
"You think that's what Dad and Aunt Sofia felt when they gave theirs up?"
"I think so. Like Eiji, they were well trained knights. That's not to say that the three of them wouldn't have liked to have returned home to their families. But, there's a point in time where one can't run away." His head lowered. "I know that's hilarious to hear from someone like me who fled from his duties after his friend died."
Kohri... He was here to console me, but all I did when Conrad died was to try to push him to stop moping. In hindsight, that didn't do a thing to help him. In fact, it probably made things worse.
"You've changed too," I said, smiling slightly. "What happened while I was gone."
His arms fell back down. "It came to me while fighting Camio, the demon who wanted to kidnap Serra. He had me against the wall. For a moment there, I truly felt like I could've died. I didn't plan to to go down easily, but I was already prepared to fight tooth and nail to protect the woman I love and her friends."
My eyes flickered. "Who are you and what did you do to Kohri? My brother would never say something so romantic in such a serious tone."
His face flushed. "Hyo!"
I laughed. "Hey, you did it to me first." Letting go of the rail, I walked toward the door. "Let's go. We should gather around the teleporter so we can leave this place as soon as it's ready."
"Alright," Kohri said, chasing after me.
"Hey, could you go get Rosa? I don't want to talk to her right now."
He scratched the right of his face. "I guess I can, but you're going to have to talk to her eventually. It's better to do so now than later."
I clenched Baldo's hilt once more. "I know, but I rather hold it off for a while. We have a conflict ahead of us, we've already allowed emotions to get in the way."
He shook his head. "That's because you guys don't talk about these things with each other."
I sighed. He had a point there.
"Alright, I'll talk with her."
Kohri patted me on the back and grinned. "You can do it, Big Bro."
I smiled at him. "Have you gotten weaker? Last time you patted me on the back you nearly knocked me over."
Kohri chuckled. "Nah, your back has simply gotten sturdier. That said, don't try to carry everything on it. I don't think any back is tough enough to carry that kind of weight. Well, maybe except for the Sky Father."
I nodded and hurried off. It didn't take long for me to find Rosa as she bumped right into me.
"I'll go get Onami and the others!" Kohri said, rushing off without me. So much for being supportive. Not that I needed him or anything.
"Ah, not again," Rosa said, rubbing her nose as she backed away from me.
I snickered. "You should really watch where you're going, Princess."
She glared at me. "You were the one running." Her face flushed all of a sudden. "A-anyway, what do you want?"
"I wanted to apologize, for the kiss. I know that you like Tetsuya, yet I went ahead and forced my lips on you. Considering what happened a couple weeks back, my action was rather coarse."
She puffed her chest and clenched the books in her arms. "Yeah, it was!" Her eyes turned away from me. "Though, it was also surprising. How can you like someone like me? I mean, you've always made fun of me."
I sighed. "To be honest, I'm not sure." I ran a hand through my jet-black hair. "But, if I had to guess, it would be the very thing I hate about you."
"My naivety?"
"Yeah, but also your general innocence. You're a cheerful girl despite all of the things I said about you. While you have the aura of a slacker, you're actually a hard worker." I lowered my head. "Seeing you want to give up on life the day after the ball felt weird because of it. It was like the light was snuffed out. For that reason, I couldn't forgive Tetsuya for what he had done!" I gulped. "Or rather, what I thought he did."
Rosa stepped toward me and patted the back of my hand. "So that's how you feel. While I can't respond in the way you would've liked, your words make me happy." She looked down and laughed. "Part of me wishes that I could answer in kind, instead of continuing to love that indecisive jerk."
"If you want, I can help you get over him," I blurted out. My hands covered my mouth. Why the cianio did I do that?
She shook head. "No, that wouldn't be fair to you. Unlike Tetsu with me and Yuko, I don't want to won't lead you on."
My hands slumped. "I understand."
She took both of my hands and shook them. "But we can be friends, right?"
I sighed. It sucked to be friend zoned, but it was better than nothing. "Alright," I said with a slight smile.
Rosa grinned.
"Rosa, Hyo?" Tetsuya said, staring at us. His eyes fell to our hands. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Yeah, Hyo and I are now friends!"
He smiled slightly. "Oh, that so?"
I chuckled. "You thought there was more to it, huh?" He walked past him and squeezed his shoulder. "If you don't decide soon, you might lose both her and Yuko to other men. So hurry up and make your mind."
He gritted his teeth and looked at the floor.
What an indecisive man Rosa had fallen for. Though, apart from that, I knew he wasn't a bad guy. Not after having spent time with him in Munil. If were to decide on her, I knew he could make her happy. But if he went for Yuko, that would open up the way for me. Not that I planned to force him to make the latter decision. That was his and the girls' choice to make.
All I could do was get closer to the princess. Even if she couldn't be mine, I could at least be near her in some shape or form. That was probably what Baldo meant when he said love comes in many forms. Not that I understood the concept of love itself completely. My heart still ached from the rejection, but it also felt a little nice pouring my feelings out.
**Solar Note: Hope that you enjoyed the chapter ^^. Overall thoughts? Theories? Predictions?**
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